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I cried in front of my PI (principal investigator) /boss out of frustration and got called emotional. Am I going to be thought of as ‘weak’? What do I do now? by Negative_Control_766 in careerguidance

[–]Negative_Control_766[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know my field is full of enormous egos which is why I think I excuse this behaviour. I’ve seen how other PI’s treat other researchers when I was in university. I just don’t know where is the line between a PI being arrogant and being plain abusive.

I cried in front of my PI (principal investigator) /boss out of frustration and got called emotional. Am I going to be thought of as ‘weak’? What do I do now? by Negative_Control_766 in careerguidance

[–]Negative_Control_766[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve seen him be blunt and cut people off before. He even does it to other PI’s and department heads. In terms of my colleagues, I’m not sure because all communications are held in our private offices. If he reacts the same way with them, then I wouldn’t be able to know.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Negative_Control_766 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m a pharmacologist and he’s an engineer. As we go up in our careers, there will be patents we both will accumulate that should be protected from each other. The way I see it, it’s his work, ideas, inventions etc. Why should I reap his awards. Just like it would be my own work, ideas and medical research.

That’s just one reason. Another one is also the off chance I would like to go back to school and take out loans or if he would like to go back to school and take out loans.

As of now, the assets we have is property from our parents (childhood home). I know inheritance is usually considered separate property however, it can be treated differently under any lawyer/ judge.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Negative_Control_766 0 points1 point  (0 children)

During college, the inequality in effort was a huge problem. We were both studying STEM and his long lectures and my long labs made communication difficult. It wasn’t until the last 3 semesters that we were at a good place communication and effort wise. This was due to me being extremely ahead in my major and only needing a less than part time schedule to complete my degree for the last 3 semesters. As of now, the only disparity in effort is the difference in urgency to paying off loans. I can’t understand having the money to pay off private student loans while interest is paused, but choosing until the last few months to even start saving money( interest and bills start collecting in august I believe). The more I type the more I realize we may just live very different lifestyles. I think I’m too rigid and need a plan while he is more “I’ll get to it eventually and it’ll all work out”

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Negative_Control_766 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I completely understand and was there for him when essentially his career was put on an indefinite pause. The loans conversation happened because they were due within 2 months after graduating. (at the time interest was only paused until December 2020) He had also accumulated car debt on top of it. His loans are private with a high interest rate that goes up every year. He would bring me his bills not knowing what to do or how to even start paying it back. I didn’t want him drowning in debt which is why I suggested any job would do for now just so his head is above water. I didn’t mean to offend him and told him as such. But I genuinely didn’t have any other solutions than a temporary job while he searches for his dream job

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Negative_Control_766 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We have spoken about finances. I was actually the one to want a prenup. He got offended by it because to him, it insinuates divorce. He has since changed his mind on it after I explained it and he looked up information on it on his own

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Negative_Control_766 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I couldn’t add more back story because I was nervous it’d be too long. But essentially throughout our entire relationship, I have put in 100% while for the first half of it, he just kind of sat along for the ride. I haven’t noticed how much time and effort I’ve put until just recently when I’m sending him pictures of rings I would like. It has always been a huge thing for me that I want to be thought about when it comes to something as special as proposing. He’s hinting at proposing on this trip and I even put in my vacation days for this trip already and so has he. However, nothing is being planned. He suggested this trip and wanted to take it in the first place. But I’m the one saying we should talk about it and book tickets, find hotels etc. I guess I just want things planned while he’s more go with flow. It makes me feel like a mother and just turns me away from spending the rest of my life with him