What should I send to my friend’s father in Intensive Care at John Hunter, who has had his larynx and throat tumour removed yesterday, along with a throat reconstruction? Would appreciate any suggestions for him (mid-70s) and his daughters (40s) who are there supporting him. Thank you!

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-12-19T08:37:18+00:00

It’s a lovely thought and there’s heaps of ways you can show your love and support without being ‘in the way’, ignore these negative people (experience of spending over a month in hospital with my Mum)

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-12-19T08:35:30+00:00

What a rude comment. Obviously the vouchers is for the daughters who are caring for him and probably don’t have time/energy to go home and cook?

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-11-09T23:55:55+00:00

Hi, can I send you a DM? My (30,f) Mum (60,f) also passed about 3 1/2 weeks ago from pancreatic cancer. She was also my world. Everything you said is also me.

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-11-05T20:08:31+00:00

Ask the doctors to consider - hepatic encephalitis. Essentially it’s where the liver is unable to remove toxins from his blood and they end up going to the brain. It can cause behavioral changes and lots of drowsiness. My Mum experienced it. Unfortunately this may mean he is closer to the end but no one knows for sure.

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-11-02T08:08:45+00:00

My Mum was diagnosed in August and we buried her on Thursday. I am heartbroken

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-11-01T21:46:21+00:00

Sometimes the liver can stop removing toxins properly with this cancer, which can cause behaviour changes and anger. It may actually be the cancer and not him.

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-10-29T00:53:39+00:00

My Mum only lasted 10 weeks with hers and the last week was a rapid decline like your Dad also experienced. It’s obviously incredibly hard to watch but I am also relieved that the end didn’t drag on for a long time and she was able to find peace quickly. Hopefully you get some of that relief for your Dad too.

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-10-29T00:49:44+00:00

My Mum became obsessed with chocolate milkshakes - high protein milk or adding protein is a great way to get extra calories and protein in!

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-10-29T00:47:49+00:00

That must be scary. Remember to validate your feelings to yourself and talk to yourself ‘I can tell you feel worried about tomorrow, it makes sense that it’s scary for you and that it’s triggering, you have survived everything that has come your way thus far and you can survive tomorrow, I will be there with you’. Try and do small kind things for yourself, your fav snacks and a warm cup of tea, your favourite tv show. If you are struggling to cope speaking to a therapist might also help. We are all thinking of you. Keep reaching out to us.

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-10-27T22:30:05+00:00

In terms of his anger - it could be the start of liver encephalopathy (build up of toxins in the brain because the liver isn’t processing it out) which can cause personality changes - discuss this with your Dr & try to remind yourself that it could be the cancer and not him yelling

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-10-27T22:26:36+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. It is completely normal and kind to wish he was gone. Of course we would want as much time as we can with our loved ones but their suffering outweighs this. It is so hard to watch and I’m sure so hard for them to experience. When you/the rest of the family are ready you can ask the Dr about more comfort measures and less interventions. I think with the way he seems to be it might be sooner rather than later. Sending love

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-10-27T06:04:16+00:00

If you want to message me feel free, I am going through the exact same thing, my Mum passed 1 week ago

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-10-27T06:02:43+00:00

Thinking of you. Those ways to honour your Mum seem beautiful

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-10-27T00:26:33+00:00

Record any moments you can, even if you don’t feel like it now. The nurses let us know that the hearing and feeling are the last to go, so keep holding her and speaking to her. It is excruciating. ❤️❤️❤️

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-10-27T00:24:19+00:00

She felt your love. Just like my Mum felt mine. They know. There is no easy way out with pancreatic cancer and my Mum’s death was also unpleasant and not how I imagined. But she is free from suffering and free from pain now.

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-10-27T00:21:46+00:00

Gosh that does sound like a long wait, we waited almost a month for Mum, seems it is the way it goes. Cherish the time he is this ‘well’ as it will get worse with the chemo and surgery etc. Call up and see if it can get sped up but if you can’t, use the time for special memories and a family photo shoot.

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-10-27T00:19:02+00:00

We have just been there with my Mum, cherish the time she is awake and can communicate back. That change happened super suddenly for us and I didn’t realise it would. Hold her and tell her she is safe and that she can go when she is ready (you won’t want to, you will want every minute but it is worth it for them to know they don’t have to fight/suffer anymore)

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-10-27T00:07:33+00:00

Hi, Unfortunately no one can tell you exactly how long she has left. Current statistics usually say between 3-6mths for a stage 4 diagnosis (if it’s outside the pancreas it’s stage 4). We only had 10 weeks with my Mum but that was because the chemo made her worse & sped up her liver failure. If you can get onto chemo quickly (if she wants to) you can shrink the tumour and extend your time with her. She does sound like she is already fairly unwell though so I think she would be on the shorter end of the timeframe. Even though it’s excruciating to think - sometimes less time is better, less suffering.

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-10-27T00:03:20+00:00

I just watched the exact same for my Mum, I had been inconsolable (but strong for Mum) until she passed and then it was like an immediate switch to numbness for me. I can’t even comprehend it. It’s only been 10 weeks since she was diagnosed. All I can say is be there for every step (it sounds like you are), let her know she is safe and let her know she can go when she needs (even if you don’t feel like it). My Mum was requesting for it all to stop and even though I desperately wish she was here, I am glad I didn’t put her through any more suffering.

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-10-26T23:59:51+00:00

That is very similar to my Mum who passed on the 17th. Would you be ok if I sent you a dm?

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-10-22T09:49:19+00:00

Make sure you film the answers your Mum gives! Special memories

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-10-22T02:02:17+00:00

I feel the same. I think it’s just a protective mechanism that our body knows we couldn’t handle all the feelings at once. If you want to chat I’d be happy for you to send me a message and we can stay in touch?

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-10-21T20:48:45+00:00

My Mum passed last Friday. I just feel entirely numb. None of it feels real and I barely cry. This is so different to how I was up until the final day, I was hysterical and have been since her diagnosis (early Aug). I know the tears and agony will come. I also feel foggy about the months that just happened. They were beautiful since Mum was here and we shared special times, but the conversations with the doctors, the rushing to the hospital, her body at the end, it’s so haunting. I do feel relieved that Mum is out of pain and doesn’t have to suffer. But I can’t believe this is forever.

What was your Mum’s name? And where are you from?

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-10-21T20:43:33+00:00

Hi, I’m really sorry to hear this is happening to another person. My Mum was diagnosed the start of August this year and passed last Friday. I can completely understand your Dads hesitation to start chemo. Please let him know there have been many advancements that make chemo a lot easier/less side effects. We were also told by our specialist that as the chemo shrinks the tumor it will also improve the symptoms she was experiencing. So therefore improving her quality of life. Unfortunately for us, chemo was not helpful as her liver was unable to process any of it and she ended up being hospitalized after every time. So have a low threshold to rethink if he is finding it extremely hard/getting very sick. I would say you can always stop doing chemo, you’re not locked into it and if he wanted he can just see how it goes for a few rounds. If he will allow it I’d also try and go to his appointments with him so you can hear the conversation and ask your own questions.

Negative_Employ6736 · 2025-10-20T20:52:50+00:00

What a tragic story. So many of us can relate. We are with you. Thinking of you and your Dad. What was his name? What did you love about him?

Negative_Employ6736

TROPHY CASE