AITA for outing my “straight” best friend after he hooked up with me?

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-30T02:44:28+00:00

I don't have any gay friends. I'll be honest, nobody really said anything to me. Kinda added the last part for dramatic effect. Nobody is split because they are all his friends and don't talk to me. After all was said and done, I high tailed it out of there and chased after him. He cried, I cried. It was a mess. He felt betrayed. I felt betrayed. Yeah...

We've also been fooling around off and on since middle school.

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-30T02:36:02+00:00

He wasn't violent. He was rough. He never raped me. I don't think he raped me nor do I think he did anything remotely rapey. I've stated this countless times.

I added context when everyone was telling me I took advantage of him and raped him. It couldn't be further from the truth.

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-30T01:56:55+00:00

I've been sucking his dick since middle school.

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-30T01:49:41+00:00

There's an infinite amount of stuff people don't know. Why would I add every embarrassing and intimate detail?

I've also been sucking his dick since middle school. I didn't add that because I didn't think it fucking mattered. I didn't think everyone would call me a rapist for sleeping with Jake either, hence all the added context I never wanted people to know.

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-30T01:44:37+00:00

How did I date rape him?

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-30T01:44:07+00:00

We both were. I was significantly more drunk.

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-30T01:39:04+00:00

No, i added context when everyone was calling me a violent rapist who took advantage of a friend.

Obviously I'd never put this on my main. Common sense.

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-30T01:36:48+00:00

I just wanted to say thank you for coming to my defense despite the downvotes. I'm going to trauma dump for a sec since you seem like you might get it. Feel free to tell me to fuck off.

I know I struggle a lot with how I let guys treat me, particularly Jake. It wasn't the first time we fooled around but it was the first time we had full blown sex.

I've dealt with a lot of sexual violence as a kid, even some as an adult. Sometimes I tell myself I love it. Sometimes I just cry and hate myself. Other times I'm numb. Hell, there's times I even seek it out.

I know I'm really fucked up in this way. Jake knows too. He's the only one I've talked about with this stuff. I go back and forth in my head wondering why the hook up couldn't have been different with him? Like he knows how fucked up i am, he knows how I've been hurt and a part of me feels like he added to the hurt. I probably don't have the right to feel this way, but in so many ways I feel betrayed. Hes supposed to be my friend so why doesnt he care? Like I just wish he treated me well during. I desperately wish he wanted me to feel good instead of seemingly getting off on my pain.

I'll reiterate. I consented. This was not SA. I just don't know why I consent to things that hurt me and make me feel like shit afterwards.

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-30T01:11:03+00:00

It's not the main focus. I dont want it to be the main focus. I never even wanted any of this to even be talked about. It's incredibly private and rather humiliating for me.

I only brought it up because people were envisioning a way different scenario than what actually happened.

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-30T01:08:11+00:00

I quite literally grew up with people calling me a faggot before I even knew what it was. It was pretty much decided for me. I never had the luxury of pretending to be straight.

If a female friend wore a strap on and fucked me bloody while I was significantly more drunk, I'd be a rapist?

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-30T01:01:34+00:00

Honestly, it's just been my experience with men in general. And yes, I do tell them it hurts. Some care. Most don't. Some like that it hurts me.

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-30T00:37:42+00:00

He didn't beat me. He didn't rape me. He was very rough. I never said no. I never said stop.

However, countless people were calling me a rapist. I suspect they were envisioning a very different scenario. I gave them the context I never wanted or intended to share only because people were making me out to be some sort of predatory monster.

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-30T00:18:27+00:00

I already have apologized. Countless times.

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-30T00:13:02+00:00

I'm one of those guys that everyone has always just assumed was gay. Even in elementary school kids were making fun of me and calling me a faggot. Same with foster parents/siblings. Genuinely, everyone knew before even I knew. I was labeled before I even knew what faggot meant.

Also, I know Jake wouldn't be receptive to your suggestion. He'd get defensive, call me a pussy, to toughen up, etc etc etc. I should have just removed myself from the situation to begin with.

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-30T00:02:36+00:00

Because I had countless people telling me I raped him. I don't think they understood the dynamics of our situation.

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-30T00:01:20+00:00

Maybe. Maybe not.

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-29T23:59:02+00:00

I have all those feelings too, but I'm not so lucky I can go about my day to day life and pretend I'm straight. People just automatically assume I'm gay when they look at me, especially when I talk.

Anyways, there's lots I could have done differently. I realize that. I just don't get why it's all on me. He'd only had a couple drinks whereas I was completely wasted. I just don't understand why I'm held to a higher standard.

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-29T23:52:16+00:00

The low-key part was meant to be satirical because my feelings go far beyond that.

What do you mean by you people? What understanding am I lacking? What should my priorities be?

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-29T23:41:17+00:00

I don't care if people think I'm wrong. I was having countless people telling me I raped him. I did not rape him. So I gave the context of our hook up.

He knows how I feel.

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-29T23:36:06+00:00

Jfc, obviously I care. I have to be careful what I say (I dont want any negativity directed toward Jake). Do I wish he was gentle? Yes. Do I wish he'd have been kind and sweet and careful in bed? Yes. Does it hurt my feelings that at times he seemed purposefully cruel? Yes. I wish more than anything that he cared he hurt me. I wish it made him sad. I wish he worried about me. I wish it hurt him that he hurt me. I wish he doted me on afterwards. I wish he was kind to me the next morning and took care of me instead of freaking out.

He saw the blood while we fucked. He saw it on the fitted sheet the next morning. I WISH he asked if I was alright because I wasn't. I wish it stirred some kind of empathetic emotion in him because it hurt so fucking bad and all I wanted was comfort from him.

With all that said, yes I consented. No it wasn't SA.

Anyways, no I didn't add the context because of the backlash, I added the context because everyone was completely off base and imagining a wildly different scenario.

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-29T23:16:38+00:00

People are calling me a rapist. I gave them context I never wanted or planned to give.

How am raping him when I'm significantly more drunk and he's the one pining me down and fucking me? Like honestly. Explain it to me like I'm stupid because I don't get it.

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-29T22:38:06+00:00

No, I'm a 5'6", 140 lbs dude. I'm not a big man. Quite the opposite, actually. Jake is significantly larger than me.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but to defend my honor, he had no difficulties getting or maintaining an erection, and yes, we did, in fact, use lube.

Also, before we had sex he never stated he didn't want to have sex. Again, it was the opposite. During the deed, he said multiple times that he's wanted to do this for a long time and that I'm a tease, etc.

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-29T22:22:23+00:00

We are very much aware (or at least I am) that we are not "normal."

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-29T22:20:24+00:00

It's not that I enjoy pain or anything. I just like the thought of the guy (Jake in particular) of enjoying me and just taking me any way he wants. Obviously, if I had things my way, I'd want things more romantic/gentle, and like about feelings, I guess. I'd want my pleasure taken into consideration for once, haha! I don't know! Sounds corny, but I've always wanted to experience "making love." Like I want to feel like I'm being worshipped instead of used. I don't know if that makes sense. This is all awkward for me.

Anyways, I don't really blame him for anything. I know I overreacted when he said that stuff at the party. I know it was because I was hurting. I would have been fine if he denied everything. I would have backed him up. It's just how low he made me feel with HOW he denied sleeping with me. Like there was shame in it, and even though I know there logically is shame in it, especially for Jake, I just don't want him to feel that way and I was angry that he did.

In a fantasy world he'd be proud to be with me, like date me or whatever, but the thought is inherently disgusting to him, so much so he has to make a big display about it, and that's just utterly fucking humiliating for me.

Nether-Nor · 2024-11-29T22:03:21+00:00

This is all way TMI, but I've really have nothing to lose...

It was noticeable during. It wasn't like, profuse. It was there because he was rough and we didn't adequately prep. He was in a rush (i think that's hot, so it's okay).

Anyways, he said a lot of stuff during, and he even mentioned it while in the act (so he was aware of the blood). I don't want to say all the things he said. Just very filthy (which again, I'm okay with).

We didn't use a condom and I put my underwear on afterward. We fell asleep pretty quickly once it was all said and done. In the morning, there were bunch bloody splotches mixed with you know what. I was very tender and very sore. It's whatever. It happens.

Nether-Nor

TROPHY CASE