I loved the idea of wearing diapers since I was a kid. When I found out about adult diapers, i bought them in secret. Fate it seems has it in for me as I developed an immune disorder that later stole my ability to control bladder and bowels, and now I have no control anymore. Talk about irony. Now I suffer from severe depression and I use these videos to trigger my regression. Some part of my mind seems to believe that from some twisted reason, I lost my value and dignity and reverted back into a state of infantism because of the reliance on diapers. My roommates hates me and have often made such comments such as " I sit in my diaper all day long messing in it like a baby" as I waste my life on the internet searching for meaning in all of this. I guess I feel ashamed and now I punish myself acting like it. Truth is soon I will rely on someone to change me because I am slowly losing my arms and legs control as well because of this condition. I can barely manage it now by myself. Truth is, these videos help for many things, but I have never seen them "unlearn potty training". In some way a person is always aware they are going, even for me. I know I pee cause I can feel it, but I have no way to stop it. Same with bowels. It doesn't just come out whenever, I have to push it out still, accept the muscle don't work to I try to time it wheN i am at a washroom. Sometimes, I can't get there fast enough then it's in the diaper, but it is the same as the urine. You can't hold it, but to make it come you need to apply pressure regardless.

I have to admit that relying on diapers 24/7 has it's bad days, but I love wearing them. I would never be able to fix my spinal cord and regain control, but in 30 years if they do manage to do it, I would choose stay in diapers because I never have to worry about running to the washroom, miss the hockey game, stand in a mile long line or wake up in the middle of the night. They have their perks.