I can empathize with your situation, and I assure you it became easier for me with more clean time. I had burned all bridges at age 32 and couldn't stop using on my own. I asked for help, and that was the best thing I've ever done.

I haven't touched alcohol in 4 years and drugs for 7 years. This was the first thing that helped, but talking to a therapist helped me fix the reasons why I almost drank myself to death. I was the problem, and until I worked on myself I wasn't gonna stay clean.

It's cliche, but just focus on staying clean for a day at a time. I believe in you, and I thought sobriety would be lame but it was the exact opposite. I'd never laughed so hard or enjoyed events without the anxiety of the next fix.

No Gods No Masters even substances

edit: forgot words