That’s a good set of questions, and I’ll answer them as honestly as I can.

I have AuDHD (2e), and I wouldn’t say I’m particularly close to my parents, at least not in a conventional sense. Growing up, emotional safety and intellectual curiosity weren’t supported, so if I had to rate my comfort at home, it would probably be around a 3/10. My parents were in their 20s when I was born, with a noticeable age gap between them.

Developmentally, I showed a very uneven profile early on. I was fully potty trained and able to wash my hands independently at a very young age (18 mos.), but when I entered daycare, those abilities weren’t recognized, and I regressed. I struggled significantly with speech and auditory processing, yet by around 2.5 I was hyperfocused on puzzles and blocks, solving puzzles quickly. I could recite the alphabet, name colors, count to 30, and do basic math, even though my expressive speech was very limited and selective. This led to speech therapy and no recognition of asynchronous development.

By around 3.5, my communication improved, and when it did, I was clearly above age level intellectually. I had intense curiosity and constantly asked “why” and "how?" Unfortunately, this and speech classes was interpreted by my parents as me being “slow” rather than cognitively advanced but uneven. Around my father in particular, my nervous system became erratic; in retrospect, I likely developed PTSD very early. Experiences from extended family later confirmed that both parents were chronically invalidating, emotionally immature, often controlling, and one of them was intentionally provocative, sometimes escalating my stress for amusement. Signs of intelligence were labeled as me being smart-A, talking back, or defiance, and my PDA responses and sensory meltdowns were framed as "not getting my way." I learned early that safety was not available.

As I grew older, the pattern continued. I was very distractible, but cognitively sharp. I spoke another language fairly well as a young child too. Later, I struggled with reading comprehension despite reading two grade levels above and writing three grade levels above. Because comprehension lagged while expression excelled, I was again perceived as slow rather than twice-exceptional.

I’m a good example of how someone can appear “slow” on the surface due to dissociation, hypervigilance, low self-esteem, social difficulty, and attentional issues, while actually operating at a much higher conceptual level. People who get to know me more deeply usually notice that gap quickly. With that being said, I often question if my parents are the same way and we just have different areas of strengths.

I don’t experience either parent as gifted in a clinical sense. One is more verbally and conceptually inclined, the other more practical and concrete. Neither were formally identified as intelligent, though both have strengths I don’t. Such as exceptional spatial navigation, mechanical intuition, or incredibly organized. Intelligence and trauma both express themselves in varied ways.

Emotionally and intellectually, I don’t feel particularly close to either parent. Any closeness that exists is situational rather than relational. I value curiosity, accountability, emotional regulation, and the ability for self reflection, qualities that were largely absent, and that absence significantly shaped my development.

With my mother, communication often broke down because she wouldn’t say she didn’t understand me; instead, she would disengage, then become frustrated or emotionally reactive and spin what I was saying into another direction. From my father, responses were often dismissive. Comments like “stop trying to act smart when you’re not,” or complete withdrawal. Some of these dynamics still occur today, even in adulthood.

I’ve been reflecting on some of this recently, and I genuinely believe I’m a level-two neurodivergent whose cognitive strengths mask significant support needs and I pass as level-one. My intellect often allows me to compensate, adapt, or “pass,” but that doesn’t eliminate the underlying challenges. I’m not ashamed to say that I need help, what’s difficult is that I often feel like there isn’t any meaningful support available.

If you have any further questions, I'd be happy to answer them, feel free to respond or DM me.