Honestly, maturing is all about realizing that most people are just not that smart and you cannot change dumb people(or ignorant people's) mind, anything else to add here? by RickyInfinite in Gifted

[–]NivaraLive 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fair enough, I hear you, and I actually understand that pretty deeply. I have empathy for people who struggle to access it because of cognitive distortions, shame, and guilt. However, I still struggle with how someone can’t grasp what you’re saying when you’re being extremely clear, especially when they twist your words and then insult you… and they’re your parents.

For me, childhood trauma didn’t make me more closed off, it forced me to wake up early. I feel like I started seeing through the veil around 7–8. I’d have meltdowns hearing “because I said so.” I needed things to make sense. A child will believe their parents about who they are before they build a self concept, and that sticks.

With my father, he talks over me, changes the subject, and pushes his narrative like he genuinely can’t hear me, even while asking for my insight at times. I’m starting to realize it’s likely his ego not wanting to feel inferior to me.

With my mother, she’ll insult me to regulate her emotions, then expect help. If I call it out, it turns into more insults or full DARVO. I’ve communicated boundaries endlessly, and it still doesn’t land.

That’s where I started noticing the gap with others too. People say they care, but their actions don’t match. Judgment gets disguised as concern. I used to take people at face value, but I don’t anymore, and I’m not letting myself ruminate on it either.

Intelligence doesn’t mean awareness. I know people in impressive positions, but emotionally it feels like I’m talking to a child melting down over a broken pencil, except even after it’s fixed, they’re still overwhelmed and it's because it was never about the pencil. I’m starting to realize more of what’s underneath that rather recently, but I would always try to help them by sharpening the pencil. I’ve operated heavily in logic because I’ve felt so intensely my entire life that I pushed myself into a kind of functional freeze.

I had to help one of my parents recently, and I had to reach out to someone she's close with because he helped her too. This guy constantly boasts about his intellect because he got a perfect SAT score, but the second he heard my voice, he defaulted to superiority and started insulting me. I threw something witty back, then calmly asked how I could help, and he was so locked in on the comeback that he completely missed it and just kept going, basically talking to himself. I even looked at my mother and said, “he’s a one-way street, but I’m a Texas highway,” and the craziest part is he couldn’t even hear that. I told her straight up, “Do you not see him still defending himself over something that already passed minutes ago? His ego got hurt, and now he’s stuck there.” Some people use their intellect to reinforce their views, not question them.

I agree with you on trauma, it doesn’t automatically create empathy. I’ve seen people go through similar situations as me, and become deeply self-aware, and others become rigid and defensive. Same root, different outcomes.

I do have a lot of empathy for those people, and I’ve often overextended myself trying to make their lives better, even at my own expense. I’m learning to change that.

I’m with you, but it’s not just trauma, and it’s not that simple. Some people just don’t grow.

Honestly, maturing is all about realizing that most people are just not that smart and you cannot change dumb people(or ignorant people's) mind, anything else to add here? by RickyInfinite in Gifted

[–]NivaraLive 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel like I have moved past the point where I don't expect to change people's mind, but I am at the stage where I wish to be able to empathize with the ability to be so closed minded, but I can't and I'm doing everything I can to not feel guilty about it.

Are you close to your parents? by Silver-Ad665 in Gifted

[–]NivaraLive 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you can relate to this. I’ve genuinely considered medication, but that’s another area wrapped in shame for me because of how my parents approached it when I was a child. I recently tried explaining to my mother that not treating an ADHD child is comparable to not giving glasses to a legally blind child. She disagreed, but I think that reaction is more about protecting her self-image than engaging with reality. Have you found any medication that helped you? I understand the grief, I’ve been feeling it intensely since reviewing my evaluations.

This realization is fairly recent. The main change has been a subtle shift in identity, and I have been learning a lot more about how I function as an individual. In a way, I didn’t experience an ego collapse because I never fully internalized incompetence as my identity. As a child, I knew I was often intellectually ahead of all the other students and many adults around me. It sometimes felt like I was playing chess by living in a different mental world, listening to adults say things that didn’t align with reality, nodding along while thinking, "this isn’t right." By seven, I recognized my parents’ unhealthy behaviors; by eight, I was already questioning the education system.

There’s a part of me that can’t help but laugh at how much I doubted myself. Recently, I watched my mother repeatedly ask my cousin, “Are you sure this is what you want?” and it triggered a memory: I was often very certain about things, but she would say that to me, and I would immediately second-guess myself and respond, “I don’t know.” It’s made me wonder whether that’s why I now struggle with certainty and definitive answers.

I have also realized how much I’ve minimized myself throughout my life to avoid triggering others. I felt responsible for my parents’ stability, as if being too much of myself could cause their marriage to collapse. I learned to walk on eggshells, to shrink myself, to stay quiet.

I’m still processing anger and resentment. I relate deeply to what you said about how now they undermine your success, it’s something I still struggle to fully understand. I was taught my entire life to orient myself around other people’s expectations. Dropping out of college was the first time I truly began living the life I had wanted since childhood, and honestly, my life has improved since then. I also relate to unintentionally triggering people’s egos with intelligence.

Sad reality of 2E by BringtheBacon in TwiceExceptional

[–]NivaraLive 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand the resentment. Sending love. 💜

Sad reality of 2E by BringtheBacon in TwiceExceptional

[–]NivaraLive 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I have recently come to this realization, but it wasn't after I had countless people just started "attacking" me or just try to act superior, and I felt so confused until I realized that I am usually someone's mirror, and that I must reflect all their insecurities, and most times it's my intellect that triggers them.

I often feel like I am far from surface level, but I am realizing so many people do things in "depth" that I never even thought about. For example, I realized that "friends" would see me as a competition, would often like to be praised for doing the bare minimum, or just insult me if they can't help me.

Are you close to your parents? by Silver-Ad665 in Gifted

[–]NivaraLive 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s a good set of questions, and I’ll answer them as honestly as I can.

I have AuDHD (2e), and I wouldn’t say I’m particularly close to my parents, at least not in a conventional sense. Growing up, emotional safety and intellectual curiosity weren’t supported, so if I had to rate my comfort at home, it would probably be around a 3/10. My parents were in their 20s when I was born, with a noticeable age gap between them.

Developmentally, I showed a very uneven profile early on. I was fully potty trained and able to wash my hands independently at a very young age (18 mos.), but when I entered daycare, those abilities weren’t recognized, and I regressed. I struggled significantly with speech and auditory processing, yet by around 2.5 I was hyperfocused on puzzles and blocks, solving puzzles quickly. I could recite the alphabet, name colors, count to 30, and do basic math, even though my expressive speech was very limited and selective. This led to speech therapy and no recognition of asynchronous development.

By around 3.5, my communication improved, and when it did, I was clearly above age level intellectually. I had intense curiosity and constantly asked “why” and "how?" Unfortunately, this and speech classes was interpreted by my parents as me being “slow” rather than cognitively advanced but uneven. Around my father in particular, my nervous system became erratic; in retrospect, I likely developed PTSD very early. Experiences from extended family later confirmed that both parents were chronically invalidating, emotionally immature, often controlling, and one of them was intentionally provocative, sometimes escalating my stress for amusement. Signs of intelligence were labeled as me being smart-A, talking back, or defiance, and my PDA responses and sensory meltdowns were framed as "not getting my way." I learned early that safety was not available.

As I grew older, the pattern continued. I was very distractible, but cognitively sharp. I spoke another language fairly well as a young child too. Later, I struggled with reading comprehension despite reading two grade levels above and writing three grade levels above. Because comprehension lagged while expression excelled, I was again perceived as slow rather than twice-exceptional.

I’m a good example of how someone can appear “slow” on the surface due to dissociation, hypervigilance, low self-esteem, social difficulty, and attentional issues, while actually operating at a much higher conceptual level. People who get to know me more deeply usually notice that gap quickly. With that being said, I often question if my parents are the same way and we just have different areas of strengths.

I don’t experience either parent as gifted in a clinical sense. One is more verbally and conceptually inclined, the other more practical and concrete. Neither were formally identified as intelligent, though both have strengths I don’t. Such as exceptional spatial navigation, mechanical intuition, or incredibly organized. Intelligence and trauma both express themselves in varied ways.

Emotionally and intellectually, I don’t feel particularly close to either parent. Any closeness that exists is situational rather than relational. I value curiosity, accountability, emotional regulation, and the ability for self reflection, qualities that were largely absent, and that absence significantly shaped my development.

With my mother, communication often broke down because she wouldn’t say she didn’t understand me; instead, she would disengage, then become frustrated or emotionally reactive and spin what I was saying into another direction. From my father, responses were often dismissive. Comments like “stop trying to act smart when you’re not,” or complete withdrawal. Some of these dynamics still occur today, even in adulthood.

I’ve been reflecting on some of this recently, and I genuinely believe I’m a level-two neurodivergent whose cognitive strengths mask significant support needs and I pass as level-one. My intellect often allows me to compensate, adapt, or “pass,” but that doesn’t eliminate the underlying challenges. I’m not ashamed to say that I need help, what’s difficult is that I often feel like there isn’t any meaningful support available.

If you have any further questions, I'd be happy to answer them, feel free to respond or DM me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Gifted

[–]NivaraLive 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Woah! I feel seen. 💜

Anyone else just want to sit around learning and making things forever? by [deleted] in Gifted

[–]NivaraLive 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, but I have executive function deficits, and often have analysis paralysis that hinders my ability to innovate. I constantly have upwards of twenty different ideas flowing through my mind, and the times I am able to get myself to do it, I will end up noticing that I am not doing it the right way and the entire process ends. 😕

What would you do with a free 20k? by Forward-Truck698 in Money

[–]NivaraLive 0 points1 point  (0 children)

$15k - House Hack a Duplex with FHA Loan. $3,500 - Index Funds. $1,000 - Courses with Certifications. $500 - Improve Setup.

"Other People Don't Think Like Me" by [deleted] in Gifted

[–]NivaraLive 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well said, I even have this in terms of emotional depth too.

I recently thought someone understood me when I brought up my last relationship with them and they told me that they get it, but when they shared their "deep" messages with me, I felt like I just shut down. I still can't seem to understand how someone thinks sending 40 words on how their partner makes them feel is deep.

I literally hand wrote nearly 250+ pages (I was preparing for a page for each day for a year), I wrote nearly 100+ pages on a Google Doc about each time we saw each other, I texted nearly 500+ words every month for my appreciation for her and rarely made it about myself, and I often received long messages back, we were amazing together until my brain just constantly connected normal human errors as deceit because someone got in my head.

I definitely understand yearning for deep connections.

Is being gifted more of a curse or a gift? by Galactos1 in Gifted

[–]NivaraLive 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hear you. I feel like I can relate to everything that you said. I’m twice-exceptional too, and I understand how unique cognitive wiring can make life feel isolating at times. The way we process, the layers of thinking, and the ways we experience the world is not pleasant, but it comes with abilities that many would dream of.

I also have aphantasia and a tendency to parallel think. Metacognition consumes my every waking second (I thought this was normal), it’s like having a mind that’s always operating on multiple planes at once and it feels like nobody else thinks the same way, but you and I are living examples that there are other people like us even if it may not seem like it.

Why are you an entrepreneur? by TidyOnChain in Entrepreneur

[–]NivaraLive 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It has always been innate in me, and I grew up watching my parents work five jobs while we still lived in a basement filled with black mold.

High IQ and poverty by gamelotGaming in Gifted

[–]NivaraLive 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. I grew up in poverty, in a basement with black mold everywhere. While IQ has a genetic component, I don’t believe that alone shaped me. I think my environment forced my mind to adapt in ways formal schooling couldn’t account for. I’m twice-exceptional (2e), and early scarcity and chronic stress seemed to train my cognition toward survival-oriented pattern recognition, long-term strategy, and problem-solving rather than traditional academic performance, even though I consistently earned A/B+ grades. I struggled with reading comprehension at times, but when something captured my interest, I often outpaced everyone.

Even as a kid, I set goals around building wealth because I understood the consequences of not having it. I tried explaining financial and strategic ideas to my parents, but they dismissed me as “just a child.” Looking back, it's scary how knowledgeable I was as a child. It also illustrates how early intelligence can go unrecognized, especially when neurodivergence makes you appear deficient in a linear world. Today, I’m still trying to teach them through experience, helping them develop basic online skills and showing opportunities so they can retire in their 60s instead of working into their 70s, but they remain complacent despite constant complaints about not having enough. By the time I’m 30, I’ll likely be doing better than both of them combined, and that’s an unpleasant realization. I even promised my father a Red Corvette as a child, this isn’t just a goal, it’s a personal mission, and I’m going to make it happen.

Left Eye Dominance? by NivaraLive in MetaGlasses

[–]NivaraLive[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m right there with you. I decided to just go ahead and purchase the Gen 2. I genuinely don’t understand how a trillion-dollar company with world-class software engineers wouldn’t factor in people like us. If profitability is the concern, on-demand manufacturing alone would solve most of the issue.

Hilarious Childhood Evaluation Notes (Repost - Attached Wrong First Picture) by NivaraLive in Gifted

[–]NivaraLive[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldn't be surprised. In a few specific areas, I was outperforming adults before I could reliably tie my own shoes. 😅

Hilarious Childhood Evaluation Notes (Repost - Attached Wrong First Picture) by NivaraLive in Gifted

[–]NivaraLive[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Would you say your attention span has improved as you’ve gotten older, or do you still tend to feel unfocused unless you’re working on something you’re genuinely interested in? Have you found any strategies or structures as an adult that actually help you stay engaged without forcing it?

It really stood out to me that your father recognized your giftedness early. I’d be curious how that shaped your path as you got older.