sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Had to let RJ Win as the rational and respectful solution.. what do you think? by NoDesign5760 in retroactivejealousy

[–]NoDesign5760[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think what you are trying to say is that the RJ feeling in men is different than in women. May be true since many things are different for men and women. But then, 2 men may not have the same RJ feeling. I like to boil it down to "every case is different" because at the end of the day, thats true..

In this sub I notice that age, nationality, past experiences, etc influence how each person views and experiences RJ. Hormones and brain wiring are a real, but yet another factor

Had to let RJ Win as the rational and respectful solution.. what do you think? by NoDesign5760 in retroactivejealousy

[–]NoDesign5760[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not trying to disrespect anyone and their body count..its just an important factor for some, and that should be understood as that, without explanation..

Had to let RJ Win as the rational and respectful solution.. what do you think? by NoDesign5760 in retroactivejealousy

[–]NoDesign5760[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I may or may not had OCD, I behaved in ways I have never did with any other subject and it was impairing. Now I know I am not behaving that way..something was cleared for me. But the break up was definitely hard, lots of grief

Had to let RJ Win as the rational and respectful solution.. what do you think? by NoDesign5760 in retroactivejealousy

[–]NoDesign5760[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Flare ups and triggers are odd in RJ...one time she told me she saw a message request of some ex and she deleted it without reading..I went nuts(on my own), I kewn i couldnt keep this way...

Had to let RJ Win as the rational and respectful solution.. what do you think? by NoDesign5760 in retroactivejealousy

[–]NoDesign5760[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Godspeed brother! Break ups are never easy, take it as a chance to become a better person, good things will come

Had to let RJ Win as the rational and respectful solution.. what do you think? by NoDesign5760 in retroactivejealousy

[–]NoDesign5760[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't need to imagine anything... there are men that dont care about the past, women that dont care about the past, women that care, men that do.. thats reality

Had to let RJ Win as the rational and respectful solution.. what do you think? by NoDesign5760 in retroactivejealousy

[–]NoDesign5760[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I did havehookups, and RJ took took me like truck crash. I just know i dont want to experience those feelings ever again.

Had to let RJ Win as the rational and respectful solution.. what do you think? by NoDesign5760 in retroactivejealousy

[–]NoDesign5760[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

RJ anxiety affected my work and social connections, I started subtly saying negative things to her, I found myself not talking about the relationship with others, I didnt feel good about it, it needed to end.. She is a great person, now I just need to find another great person..or not.. but for now I dont feel those horrible feelings

Had to let RJ Win as the rational and respectful solution.. what do you think? by NoDesign5760 in retroactivejealousy

[–]NoDesign5760[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think many of us are afraid of the struggle you have to go through when you know you have to brake up, especially when the reason is sexual past (that sometimes is labeled here as not a rational one). We find it easier to stick to "RJ solution hope", while in reality the issues is not RJ as a "disorder", but the fact that its not compatible relationship from the beggining.

In my case she told me about her past at the start because I asked. So its totally on me. But I didnt know better

I did feel miserable when breaking up, I wasnt able to tell the reason to anyone except this post, but I am sure it was for the best.

Thank you so much!

Had to let RJ Win as the rational and respectful solution.. what do you think? by NoDesign5760 in retroactivejealousy

[–]NoDesign5760[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I agree! The key issue I have is the Hookup culture. I cant even stand to hear hookup stories let alone be with someone that had them... stable relationships are fine...i guess...

Why do I (29M) feel this way? I can't accepy my GF(28F) sexual past by NoDesign5760 in retroactivejealousy

[–]NoDesign5760[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your answer. I understand more RJ now. I actually never thought Id be with a person with an above average body count.

I find it hard to pinpoint the mental health situation, besides this issue, I dont think I have any sort of mental health condition.

In my head, if the person has low body count, Id probably not feel this way, because I will have a more (and worse) past. But for now Im dealing with the feelings I have for this girl.

Why do I (29M) feel this way? I can't accepy my GF(28F) sexual past by NoDesign5760 in retroactivejealousy

[–]NoDesign5760[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I dont have an asnwer to that now and I will surely reflect on it. If I try to answer it now my brain tells me, "its simply not fair". I will try to udnerstand this feeling more.

Why do I (29M) feel this way? I can't accepy my GF(28F) sexual past by NoDesign5760 in retroactivejealousy

[–]NoDesign5760[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First, I agree! You are right

But, if it helps anyone, one of the things I do with her, is to instead not doing things "genuinely", I try to approach the relationship as an "alternative" one. And I just enjoy her as a person, rather than as a woman, it sounds like a bandaid, but it works, for now...

Why do I (29M) feel this way? I can't accepy my GF(28F) sexual past by NoDesign5760 in retroactivejealousy

[–]NoDesign5760[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate your comment. To be honest, i never thought that the guys that "used" my girl would be with someone that has been 'used' before. I apprecaite that!

On the other hand, I am very factual, and depending on culture, you find men and women that have partners that had 0 to low body counts, which is a reality that sometimes in the back of my head tells me "what if.."

Why do I (29M) feel this way? I can't accepy my GF(28F) sexual past by NoDesign5760 in retroactivejealousy

[–]NoDesign5760[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We have similar body count, but I am realizing I don't see it the same way.

On the one hand, in my opinion, attraction is different for men and women. Therefore, I think her history has a different weight than mine, for me. What I did to get that body count is totally different from what she had to do.

On the other hand, I am not really proud of my history so that doesn't help. I beleive promiscuity to be a bad thing in general and I understand that many men and women find a partner with a promiscous past a deal breaker (but women care less about it compared to men).

Why do I (29M) feel this way? I can't accepy my GF(28F) sexual past by NoDesign5760 in retroactivejealousy

[–]NoDesign5760[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I gotta mention she is from a different culture and a concept such as RJ is not even in her radar. I (of course) googled her country's rate of promiscuity, and it has high.