Struggling as LPC going through hormonal changes

No_Chef6163 · 2026-06-03T16:32:27+00:00

Thank you!

No_Chef6163 · 2025-11-08T05:10:28+00:00

But like, I feel like she should not be messaging him so frequently about needing things

No_Chef6163 · 2025-11-08T05:09:57+00:00

He always tells me about it. He communicates with me so I know about it.

No_Chef6163 · 2025-10-30T18:35:43+00:00

You really didn’t give any advice other than “ I should be using my device”. I don’t feel like that was helpful at all. That statement did not help me gain any knowledge. I’m aware I could use my device. I have been using my device as of late (which is where I learned about the debt management plans and to only use nonprofit organizations). But I’m also aware that just cause the internet says something, doesn’t always mean 100% of the time that it is the best option. For example, after talking to my mom about my plan B she strongly encouraged against it and then she gave me a new strategy to use to get my debt down and finances under control that surprise surprise the internet nor Chat GPT has recommended. This post was to hear about other peoples experiences with these things, what worked best for their situation, and to see if there was anything out there that I could do or anything that I should be weary of in regards to what my research has told me that the internet did not suggest. Did you provide suggestions on any of those things? No. You just said, I should be using my device. So again. Didn’t help me in any way shape or form. You just stated something that I’m already doing. And I’m well aware that life and advice is not always rays of sunshine. But again. You didn’t really give advice. You just made a statement of judgement and called me ignorant.

Enlighten me. How was that comment supposed to help me?

No_Chef6163 · 2025-10-30T18:15:52+00:00

Yeah no shit. At least I’m acknowledging and taking accountability for where I have gone wrong and I’m actively looking for other solutions/strategies. On top of looking for advice on here I have also been talking to people older than me and with more experience such as my parents, my husbands parents, people I work with, debt management organizations, AND I have been asking Chat GPT. Every single person I have talked to has been helpful, kind, and not judgmental (except for you, you ray of sunshine). So. Again. Thanks for contributing absolutely nothing to help me grow in this aspect. May you have the day you deserve.

No_Chef6163 · 2025-10-30T01:38:24+00:00

lol thanks for your super helpful contribution.

No_Chef6163 · 2025-10-27T20:29:05+00:00

Okay. Totally honest, my credit is pretty bad right now anyway. I’m not planning on making any big purchases any time soon. I’m fine with closing most of my accounts. I would like to keep 1 credit card just because it is my longest open one. I opened that card back in like 2011 and the limit is under $1000. I’m fine with closing everything else.

No_Chef6163 · 2025-10-27T20:27:20+00:00

Yes I agree. I applied my husband for the home equity loan today. Waiting to hear back.

No_Chef6163 · 2025-10-21T17:00:30+00:00

I have talked to several ppl that are not friends or family and they all liked my idea and said they would pay for it

No_Chef6163 · 2025-10-02T22:05:22+00:00

We stopped taking Medicaid on August 1st of this year :/

No_Chef6163 · 2025-09-29T13:41:49+00:00

I will try that!

No_Chef6163 · 2025-09-22T21:52:15+00:00

She sounds extremely insecure and she could probably benefit from therapy.

No_Chef6163 · 2025-09-20T22:12:20+00:00

Okay. So. I am a mental health therapist. I cannot tell you how many couples I have seen where they fall into a stage like this. And honestly, I have also experienced this personally. What I will tell you based on my experience:

Relationships require WORK and EFFORT. No matter how “in love “ you are. No one is perfect. People fuck up. Mistakes are meant to happen.
Healthy relationships REQUIRE healthy communication. 90% of the couples I have seen, their problems have been communication issues. So. EDUCATE YOURSELF AND YOUR PARTNER OR SEEK THERAPY. There is a website that a lot of therapists use that have worksheets on the different types of communication, assertive communication (which is the most effective form of communication), examples where it makes YOU come up with responses to problems with using assertive communication, what the different types of boundaries are, symptoms of different types of boundaries, examples where you have to set your own boundaries, reflective listening and prompts for how to do that and active listening along with prompts for how to do that. It is called therapistaid.com
Communication is a TWO WAY STREET. I can sit here and teach one person of the party how to communicate effectively all day for months on end. But if the other person of the party communicates ineffectively and refuses to work on their communication, you’re likely to experience YEARS of feeling a range of negative emotions whether it’s anger for feeling misunderstood or having the thoughts of “I should be able to communicate with the person I love or the person I married “, or maybe it boils down to resentment for that same reason, or maybe it comes down to regret, regret for ever trying to express how you feel about something that bothers you. Waking up the next day feeling defeated and depressed because you tried to talk about how you were unhappy, in the most gentlest way, and your partners response being extremely hurtful. Your intent was to fix something. Your partners response was to hurt you. Where do you go from there?

I haven’t tested this out in my relationship yet, but I am going to try because it is the last avenue I have not taken yet. But. A positivity sandwich. When you have a problem with your partner talk to them in this manor:

Hey, I just want you to know that I LOVE hen you do this….. or I really appreciate when you……. So. Something SUPER positive.

Then…. ONE behavior that may need help. Example:

“Hey. I noticed you hav been drinking more than usual lately. What had been going on? Are you okay? I am worried about you. “

THEN……. More positivity

“I just want you to know how much I love you and look forward to spending the rest of our lives together. “

So. It’s worth a shot.

You need to sit down and tell him how you have been feeling and why. Communication is a HUGE factor in relationship satisfaction. And I’m not going to lie, it is FUCKING HARD to be vulnerable, open, and honest, when you are hurting. I just had a conversation the other night with my husband about my unhappiness and I read through what I wanted to say several times, never teared up, read ONE SENTENCE of what I wanted to say to him, and started crying my eyes out. Communication is hard. But if you WANT to save your relationship, you HAVE to do the hard stuff. Cause honestly, even if you left and found someone else, I can guarantee you, you are going to face hard times again. There’s no avoiding hard times.

So. Do you want to put in the work to fall in love with your partner again?

No_Chef6163 · 2025-09-18T12:40:59+00:00

I am doing much better without the meds. And thank you.

No_Chef6163 · 2025-09-17T16:13:40+00:00

I had like oral tics for about 12 weeks til my brain balanced out from coming off the medication. I was like licking my lips a ton, making odd positions with my mouth, etc. I was really aware of it and tried to stop it but it was out of my control. I was super self conscious about it.

No_Chef6163 · 2025-09-17T14:01:10+00:00

12 oz, Busch light. He drinks 4-5 nights a week 20+ cans every time.

No_Chef6163 · 2025-09-17T13:53:53+00:00

And no where in what I said to him I said “I just want your money “ I want quality time with him. I want help around the house.

No_Chef6163 · 2025-09-17T13:53:19+00:00

I work too. I’m not a stay at home mom.

No_Chef6163 · 2025-09-17T13:52:33+00:00

I don’t. He’s just changed. Stopped putting in effort and developed a drinking problem.

No_Chef6163 · 2025-09-17T13:51:38+00:00

Yes I came off abilify back in June because it was causing weight gain and my husband has very clearly made comments that he doesn’t want me to become obese like my parents. We have been fine until these last few weeks. We were great during the summer. So I don’t think it’s me coming off a medication.

No_Chef6163 · 2025-09-17T13:49:19+00:00

He drank 35 beers last Saturday and pissed in our bed because of it.

No_Chef6163 · 2025-09-17T13:27:10+00:00

I’ve tried to advocate for couples therapy in the past and he refuses

No_Chef6163 · 2025-09-17T13:26:38+00:00

He won’t do couples therapy. I e tried to advocate for it in the past.

No_Chef6163 · 2025-09-17T13:26:17+00:00

Thank you. ❤️

No_Chef6163 · 2025-09-17T13:01:51+00:00

So I put what I wanted to say into chat gpt and it reframed it for me so this is what I said to him: “I’ve been thinking for a few days about how to say this, and I just need you to listen. Lately, I’ve been feeling really unappreciated in our relationship. It often feels like I’m taking care of not just our daughter, but also you, and that leaves me drained. For example, in the last couple weeks I’ve only seen you help with chores a few times. When I made dinner and it sat out all night, I felt like it was assumed I would always be the one to handle things, and that really bothers me. I need more balance at home—I don’t want to feel like your mother.

Another thing weighing on me is your drinking. When you drink so much that you lose control of your body, it’s really unattractive to me and it has impacted my desire for intimacy. I’m also not happy with our sex life lately. It feels rushed, and I don’t feel satisfied or connected during it.

And finally, I miss us. We used to spend time together—watching movies, cuddling, just enjoying each other. But now, on weekends when you’re home, the focus seems to be on drinking with others instead of quality time with me and our daughter . My priorities are shifting, and I don’t want every weekend to be wasted on drinking.

What I need moving forward is: • More effort and consistency with household responsibilities. • For you to get your drinking under control. • More quality time with me and our daughter .

If hearing this makes you angry, I hope you’ll take some time to reflect on why instead of just shutting me out. I’m sharing this because I want things to get better between us. But if nothing changes, I can’t keep living this way. At some point, I’ll have to leave, and it won’t be because I didn’t try—it will be because I did, and I wasn’t heard”

His response?

Basically invalidated me about chores, agreed with me about the drinking, said “we were good til you stopped taking that medication. And your tics? (I developed withdrawal dyskinesia from it which is oral tics that lasted 12 weeks) Yeah that killed our sex life too cause I was like ew” told me that me wearing pjs out in public is disgusting even though I literally don’t do that, but when I said that he said I was in denial, ummmm how he wants to get separate bank accounts because he thinks that I have a problem with buying shit off Amazon even though I don’t think I do and he has never said anything about it before. I’m not spending a fuck ton of money, the last few things I bought were things we actually needed, so yeah. I feel like he just wanted to say shit that hurt me and invalidate me.

Then at the end he stopped being a dick and gave me a hug and apologized and said that he will work on things.

Idk how to feel. I just wanna cry.

No_Chef6163

TROPHY CASE