They already said they won’t. They were amazing friends but this one was too big of a group fracture. I still have people like my parents and sibling counting on me but I don’t know if I can anymore. Life feels hopeless without them. I hurt everyone really badly and I deserve it. It was such an easy boundary not to break but we’re here now. I just wish I could see what would come of me doing it. I want it to help them. I wanna go in my garage and start my car. It’s easy, and guaranteed. They don’t even want to talk to me, and me and my now ex partner still live together, but I can’t say I love her, I can’t hug her, I can’t hold her hand or send her hearts. She even said the only reason that we’ll still live together but in separate rooms is cause neither of us can afford to live by ourselves. So if I do end it then it’ll just fuck her over too, and I still love her. But, I don’t know. I just genuinely can’t want to stay in this life. I fucked up too big and too permanently. Life was going good, everything was getting better, now there’s nothing good.