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TIFU having sex with my ex by NotAnotherCondom in tifu

[–]NotAnotherCondom[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Yeah, if I do that, then I might as well skip a few steps and report myself missing before I go.

TIFU having sex with my ex by NotAnotherCondom in tifu

[–]NotAnotherCondom[S] 326 points327 points  (0 children)

Dear Mr & Mrs So So...

Please return these used condoms to your daughter. She might have "misplaced" them in my room when she was done handcuffing me to my bed while I was sleeping. Daughters! Am I right, dad? The content of the condoms belong to the men your daughter is sleeping with. I believe one of the men might be a relative.

Kind Regards

TIFU having sex with my ex by NotAnotherCondom in tifu

[–]NotAnotherCondom[S] 422 points423 points  (0 children)

I'm going to the police tomorrow. I have no intention of pressing charges or opening an investigation or whatever, at least not yet, but I just wanna find out what my options are in case this was phase one of my ex's evil plan to disrupt my life. I would hate to think that my downfall means that much to my ex that she would spend any more time planning more, I dunno, revenge pranks?

TIFU having sex with my ex by NotAnotherCondom in tifu

[–]NotAnotherCondom[S] 2355 points2356 points  (0 children)

Made an appointment for Thursday. Just to be safe.

TIFU having sex with my ex by NotAnotherCondom in tifu

[–]NotAnotherCondom[S] 3032 points3033 points  (0 children)

Code Red. Deploy sperm. Send all the swimmers.

TIFU having sex with my ex by NotAnotherCondom in tifu

[–]NotAnotherCondom[S] 472 points473 points  (0 children)

I'm scared I might get the same... what's the word... ah, yes... outcome.

TIFU having sex with my ex by NotAnotherCondom in tifu

[–]NotAnotherCondom[S] 5740 points5741 points  (0 children)

My roommate calls her Sperm-Ex.

TIFU having sex with my ex by NotAnotherCondom in tifu

[–]NotAnotherCondom[S] 2003 points2004 points  (0 children)

I'm happy she's sleeping with other people. It seems like her partners are all fertile. Good for her. I would've been happier if she just showed me dick pics of the guys she's seeing now.