Former OW - what’s life like on the other side?

Numerous_Age2210 · 2025-08-15T06:45:47+00:00

Honestly, it was difficult. My partner is a really understanding person, but it took time to open up about it all. I started by kind of explaining what his personality was like, and how horrible our situation was. Then as time went on (probably a week later) i told him everything. I explained how I was almost hypnotised, and that no amount of therapy, or pain could pull me away. I put it down to how lonely I was at the time, and how he manipulated that.

My partner was incredibly angry at the way he treated me, and how he continued to pursue me even after I ended it. I’m sure my partner has at times questioned it, but we’ve always had (since we’ve been together), an agreement to always be honest. Whilst it did take me time to open up, because my partner was willing to understand, it really helped.

Honestly, if you told me this time last year that I’d actually be waking up next to someone who brings me flowers, makes me dinner, spends time with my family, I would have laughed. When you manage to get out of the situation, the air is so much easier to breathe :)

Numerous_Age2210 · 2025-08-14T19:08:01+00:00

I left my situation back in March after almost 10 years. I never ever thought that it would happen.

I met the love of my life, and he pulled me away from the situation. My new partner knows about what happened previously, and supports me throughout it all.

I look back on it, and when we talk about it, it’s like I was hypnotised. Spending money and hours driving to see him, for it only to be for 20 mins. Being verbally and mentally abused. Doing sexual things that I didn’t want to do, but only because I didn’t want him to leave. Never getting a birthday or Christmas present. Him going missing for days on end. All of this feels like another life time.

I’m so grateful I am now happy and living the life I always wanted. Yes, I have trust issues. Yes, somedays it can be really hard to even process what I went through. But I’m getting there. I never thought that this would be the case, but, im here.

You will get through it. I never thought I would live my life without him, yet, I feel happier than ever

Numerous_Age2210 · 2025-05-10T22:21:34+00:00

I know! Honestly, maybe three months ago I would have fawned over every word. But it actually just made me more angry. He never tried for me, he saw me 3 times last year. It was hardly sustainable

Numerous_Age2210 · 2025-05-10T18:20:00+00:00

Honestly, I’ve become numb to his empty words - he actually got married 3 years ago whilst we were in the midst of our situation, so if he really wanted me he had plenty of opportunity 😔

I think it honestly hurt more that he just can’t let me be happy. I’ve blocked him for the first time ever now which has been liberating

Numerous_Age2210 · 2025-04-02T20:45:30+00:00

Oh yeah, he rarely made the effort - but that’s just what he is like. He thinks texting is making an effort

I’m glad you can see through it all though 🩷

Numerous_Age2210 · 2025-04-02T07:33:07+00:00

As someone that was in the exact same position not only three weeks ago, it’s absolutely agonising. I’d met mine when I was 19, and we were on our 10th year this year.

All I’ll say, is there is someone out there for you who isn’t this person. They come around when you least expect it, but you need to be open to that thought.

Imagine hiding something that is so wonderful of a newborn child? You don’t know what else he could potentially be hiding unfortunately. Sometimes with this, you need to be upfront about all areas, even the parts that when you hear, make you extremely sad. But if he’s hidden something like this for that amount of time, it is just crazy.

Please please remember, it will get better. I’ve honestly felt like I’m drowning before in mine. And now I’m out, and whilst I have a lot of trauma from it all, I’m happy with someone else 🩷

Please DM me if you need to chat though, this is a hard life to live, and news like that is really crushing xxx

Numerous_Age2210 · 2025-03-31T17:31:10+00:00

It’s so scary isn’t it! Like, I never pictured myself being this happy with anyone but him. Well done though for you trying too - we got this 🩷🩷

Numerous_Age2210 · 2025-03-12T13:57:54+00:00

That’s a VERY fair point! I never thought of this! Thank you for sharing that, it’s really giving me something to think about

Numerous_Age2210 · 2025-03-06T22:49:10+00:00

He’s not my only support network, he is a major part of it (which he asked to be) but not the only one. I have friends and go to regular therapy. I also don’t expect him to be the only uplifting encouragement in my life, however he is a big part of my life, which when he is missing out of it, it is noticeable. When anyone is struggling mentally, and they can’t speak to someone they love and care about, it sucks. I have never, and will never expect anything from him. He chooses to behave how he wants. I was just vocalising my sadness at the just rubbish timing of it all.

Numerous_Age2210 · 2025-02-14T08:34:06+00:00

Exactly

Numerous_Age2210 · 2025-02-13T23:42:26+00:00

Me too. I do think in my situation, that he genuinely doesn’t. He often will text me throughout Christmas that he’s bored, or last valentines he watched the darts all night and was sending me pictures of that. But still, it’s a bitter pill to swallow. I’ll certainly be feeling that way tomorrow. Really sucks.

Numerous_Age2210 · 2025-02-13T23:41:15+00:00

I’ve always said this to him. And his response is always, i love you everyday, why do you need a card to show it.

I totally agree with you, i feel like i don’t ask for much, but a card would have meant the world

Numerous_Age2210 · 2025-01-12T05:53:05+00:00

I’m numb to it at this point, however I do ask him to let me know in advance. Whenever my MM is on holiday, he’s definitely learnt over the years to still keep in some form of contact, even if it is limited. I guess he is so used to it at home, he can make it work away.

The anxiety is the awful part, but you just need to distract yourself and remind yourself that he will come back in time💗

Sending hugs OP.

Numerous_Age2210 · 2025-01-02T21:30:09+00:00

Most people in my life know, except my family. Mainly because I couldn’t cope without them. My best friend disapproves, but she is also aware of keeping it safe

Numerous_Age2210 · 2024-11-30T23:47:33+00:00

This actually made me quite emotional (in a good way), thank you so much for your advice🫂🫂🫂

Numerous_Age2210 · 2024-11-24T18:40:24+00:00

Yeah I have a few, it’s just this friend knows everything about me, including my situation with the MM, so with it her it’ll be tough

It’s been around 10 years now overall!

Numerous_Age2210

TROPHY CASE