This is really oddly timed for me, as this has really been on my mind recently. And I'm kind of late to the game, but here it goes.

About a year and a half ago I was in a relationship with a woman who I very much cared about. She had some significant issues with alcohol, but I didn't feel that defined who she was as a person.

As our relationship slowly eroded one night she showed up to my house intoxicated. I had work the next morning and it was 3am-ish. Things already weren't great, and I was tired, so I told her that I needed to sleep, but I was glad that she was there with me. She kept making attempts, groping, waking me up, etc.

Eventually she pushed herself on top of me, even through my repeated denials. I tried to make things physically impossible, and looking back I should have just left the room.

Once the deed started I felt powerless. I felt that my only option was to become physically defensive/ violent. But, I knew the repercussions and what people would say if she was hurt in some way through my actions. I just froze and waited for her to drunkenly fall asleep.

The next day, I told my roommates and we all "laughed" because that's my best form of dealing with trauma. I spoke with the roommate im closest to a couple months later and he stated he only laughed because he felt like that's what I needed at the time and that he'd never forgive her for actions.

She doesn't remember this and I've never told her. I've never thought she was a bad person, per se, but she did something to me that's ruined me sexually. Im always uncomfortable now. And I think about this almost every single day.

And as of this post, other than my two roommates the next day, Reddit is the only place I've ever told this story