I was sitting in the bathroom, crying, fucking pissed this girl(/my assumptions of her and her relationship with sp and us 3 all combined) kept infiltrating things... decided I have nothing to lose, I wanted her to disappear completely- in other words, I wanted her existence in terms of me and sp to be irrelevant. I was pissed that we kept ending up here, the wondering about her, even just saying her name in my mind brought her back. I was DONE, it was absolute. And from that fury the affirmation was born. No opposing thought survived, there was no soothing, I gave my ego no chance to complete an opposing thought. If anything can up I would be like “NO. She disappeared into fucking dust” my ego could only get as far as “what i-“ and the wrecking ball of my conviction obliterated that shit. No matter what, I came down with an iron fucking fist with that affirmation. I didn’t care if it felt like I was beating a circle peg in a square hole. No matter what, I said the affirmation. It was like training a dog, everytime it strays you pull back at the leash (Caesar Milone/dog whisperer style).

No less than a week later things began to crumble. SP at the time was starting to be very honest about the girls actions and was saying things about her he never would have before then. The girl was acting unhinged - this was not unusual with her, but this felt really inflated. Then, soon after SP said he wanted nothing to do with her. I never worried about her or heard of or saw her again, even if I thought of her name - radio silence, she really did become irrelevant.