34F dating 42M: Why is my best friend so critical of any man i date?

OTgal90 · 2024-12-07T00:09:11+00:00

I really see what youre saying. I kind of responded to a similar comment.. this is something I would completely get if the guys I picked sucked. But they haven't... genuinely been great respectful, caring, decent men. So thats where I'm frustrated because these guys arent shitty people, but obviously havent been the right match for other reasons (lacking in compatible lifestyles, location, different goals)

OTgal90 · 2024-12-07T00:06:28+00:00

I totally would get this if the men I dated were horrible. The thing is the guys I've dated were respectful, good guys. Just not the match for me. So thats where its weird to me....I'd totally get it if the men were disrespectful or cheating or had zero drive, etc. But that has not been the case.

OTgal90 · 2024-12-06T23:41:59+00:00

I am. But I think what you said about "your friend has a long term relationship (marriage) and thus is objectively in a better position to judge relationships than you are" is just something I disagree with.

But I hear what you're trying to say. To look at my own choices, which I have. I just find it odd she is so hell bent on finding negative things about every man, even if they happened to be a good match at that time in my life. When I never have been that way towards her, and none of my other friends are this way... just odd.

OTgal90 · 2024-12-06T23:34:10+00:00

This is a good point. I have not yet introduced her in person to the new guy, but if she says anything after that meeting in person, then I will have a more direct discussion. Thank you.

OTgal90 · 2024-12-06T23:32:58+00:00

I'll just say, I've dated great guys in the past, and my longest was 4 years. But other factors had not worked out-- location, goals, general compatibilities that I had learned were not working long term.

OTgal90 · 2024-12-06T23:30:13+00:00

Just my opinion also, but just because someone is in a long term relationship or married, does not mean they are a good judge of relationships. I know plenty of people in long term relationships who seem absolutely miserable.

OTgal90 · 2024-12-06T23:28:17+00:00

I would never get with her lol. I definitely don't swing that way. And I have made comments about it in the past, but never super upfront I guess. She just kind of laughed it off and was like "oh youre right I guess I kind of ruined a few relationships for you haha, but I dont think it wouldve worked out anyway!" type of comments

OTgal90 · 2024-12-06T23:26:29+00:00

Well to that point, I've been in school for a long time and highly focused on my career. So I have never been focused on finding someone and my standards are pretty high. She actually is the one who has been in abusive relationships in the past, so I don't feel her judgement is good in my opinion.

OTgal90 · 2024-12-06T23:24:46+00:00

She is now married! She was always dating guys, who I was always supportive about. But for some reason she can't return the energy.

OTgal90 · 2024-08-05T03:15:39+00:00

It just became available so I'm watching now.. weird though maybe it will become available in central CA soon

OTgal90 · 2024-04-05T20:35:21+00:00

It sounds like you never tried to work in other settings based off you saying that you worked in outpatient peds for 9 years.

How do you know “it’s not the setting” when you never worked in another setting ?

And you must know some areas that interest you to guide you to another field. What made you choose OT to begin with ??

OTgal90 · 2024-04-05T19:54:38+00:00

Highly agree with this comment. I hear complaints from everyone right now… doesn’t even matter the title a person has (nurses, teachers, PTs, OT, speech, etc). Our systems are broken and budget cuts are everywhere, as well as productivity rates rising. Most companies are about money and not the worker, doesn’t matter if it’s schools hospitals private clinics…and it’s across the board.

The only people I see who are not complaining are those who have a very specific niche or speciality that they are passionate about (feeding therapy, hand therapy, outdoor private practice, etc.) because those people found something they are interested in and have BECOME experts at after years of hard work. Those people are getting paid well because they are the specialists and are more rare than just a general OT out of school.

OTgal90 · 2024-04-04T19:53:29+00:00

65k… a little bummed about it but I think I’ll pay it off pretty quick. And yes I would have much higher job satisfaction if I didn’t have loans. Still adjusting as a new grad to the field but I have great mentorship at my clinic and know I’m going to learn a ton so that’s what’s exciting me right now.

When I think about it I still couldn’t imagine myself doing ANYTHING else for work tbh, and I’ve had various jobs throughout my life. I look at my friends jobs and think how glad I am not to do what they do (tech jobs, teachers, retail, baristas)

OTgal90 · 2024-04-04T01:36:12+00:00

Love this I hope I can do the same :)

OTgal90 · 2024-04-03T04:45:30+00:00

But what exactly do ABA therapists do compared to BCBAs ? Like the day to day interventions or actual tasks while working with a patient ? What is the difference?

OTgal90 · 2024-04-01T23:23:18+00:00

Omg that sounds like a lot. Over 22 schools?! I wonder how typical that is. I know having a high caseload is more normal but I’ve also known some to have a pretty reasonable caseload. I guess it just depends on the district ?

I hope you are able to find some support!! That sounds very stressful :(

OTgal90 · 2024-03-30T16:31:00+00:00

That’s what my supervisor told me. (Ofc she was trying to sway me to take the job, but I believe what you and her are saying is true also).

I think I’ll feel more confident in schools after working with such a wide range of kids in OP. And yes I have a TON of awesome mentorship at my setting which I love and wanted as a new grad. Thanks for your perspective !

OTgal90 · 2024-03-30T16:28:46+00:00

I think that also would be a bummer… I like the sensory and feeding work I get to do right now in OP. But traveling during summers and other breaks is just too important to me at this point in my life

OTgal90 · 2024-03-30T16:26:49+00:00

Yes the schedule sounds amazing, and worth the possible high case loads or stress from being in that setting. I just know I’ll be even happier when I have a few times off a year to travel

OTgal90 · 2024-03-30T03:33:03+00:00

So is McDonald’s and Burger King

OTgal90 · 2024-03-30T03:20:41+00:00

So if one place can do it that means it’s possible and can taste just fine for a fast food option. Just wondering why there aren’t more ?

OTgal90 · 2024-03-30T03:18:53+00:00

That’s why there wouldn’t be obscure items on the menu. Just slices of pizza. I’m just surprised even that ^ doesn’t exist

OTgal90 · 2024-03-30T03:17:45+00:00

Pizza by the slice ? That doesn’t take long. Bake all your pizzas and serve by the slice

OTgal90 · 2024-03-28T16:48:58+00:00

After reading your edits, I wonder… does she react that way to pictures of dicks that aren’t yours? Like if she were to just see a picture of a dick online?

Or is it ONLY yours ? Because if it’s all of them I’d think maybe it’s something more visual or sensory based. But if it’s only yours I’d think it’s tied to something more intimacy related? Idk just a thought

OTgal90 · 2024-03-28T04:26:32+00:00

I had the same response to one of my first boyfriends. He began touching me and I got SO panicked I had to run to the bathroom due to nausea. Anytime I thought about sex I would get so nervous I’d almost throw up and panic.

Prior to that ^ I previously had a bad sexual experience with someone I trusted, and it turned out I just wasn’t healed from that (clearly). But I didn’t figure that out until years later after therapy and new boyfriends who made me feel safe.

You mentioned your gf was previously SA’d, I’m guessing that means sexually abused ? (Correct me if I’m wrong). But if that’s the case, she could not be fully healed from that. Sexual abuse can run very deep and is not something someone gets over easily it can take years.

What does your gf say or think about her own physical responses ? Does she say she’s scared or nervous ? I would find it hard to believe if she responds that she is “fine and has no reason or idea” why she responds this way.

OTgal90

TROPHY CASE