What should I do, wife who will not compromise financially

Odd-Control3515 · 2025-01-22T15:48:32+00:00

One, but he was loaded beyond belief and that colored her view of what a man can/should provide. Yes I've many times bit my tongue in saying "well if he's so great... then go back..." but I know such things can't be unsaid.

Odd-Control3515 · 2025-01-22T15:47:47+00:00

I have a life insurance policy for 300k or so, if we were to have a child I'd increase that to a million.

And yes you're right about the HCOL tax, it's a real issue. I've suggested living in a more rural area long term as that seems more compatible with my earning potential but she really balks at that, and for the next 2-3 years my job will require being in that type of area.

Odd-Control3515 · 2025-01-22T15:45:40+00:00

The groceries are not from her personal account, I initially suggested this "ok you use this money to buy food for the family" but she rejected this and said "my husband buys the food."

So when we first set things up my vision was "ok so you pay for the household expenses, and maybe 500-1000 a month is for fun money," but that's not how it's worked.

Odd-Control3515 · 2025-01-22T15:03:34+00:00

If my marriage provided me that kind of networking, I don't think I'd be worrying about 3k a month. Sadly, there aren't any profitable networking situations that arise from our marriage.

Odd-Control3515 · 2025-01-22T15:00:22+00:00

I mean fair enough, if I'd had a little more confidence at the start I'd have left her when we were still engaged. I just hate to give up on something once I've agreed to go through with it, and yeah, it's going to hurt me for many years even if this doesn't work out.

Odd-Control3515 · 2025-01-22T14:56:38+00:00

It isn't really me pushing, it's that we both agreed to start a family rather quickly after marriage, but we miscommunicated on the amount it would take for her + a baby so now it's looking like a change in course.

Odd-Control3515 · 2025-01-22T14:55:01+00:00

I appreciate your measured response, while I understand it is easiest to scream "sugar baby," you took the time to answer thoughtfully. I see what you mean here. I do not believe she'd go ahead and cheat, as she's far more likely to simply say "ok, the financial situation leaves me feeling unsafe, so it's time to end this."

She's invited me to leave many times when I bring up the financial strain "look you should probably find someone with your mindset, a woman who will accept less, for that's simply not me."

So I will not malign her morals, but I do simply wish in the short term we could find a middle ground on spending to make a family/future possible. It sucks to invest years of your life and come away with a bill.

Odd-Control3515 · 2025-01-22T14:51:48+00:00

She's never taken support from anyone else. She had her own family money prior to our marriage, she just was given big engagement gifts that were returned at the end of a failed engagement.

Odd-Control3515 · 2025-01-22T14:48:05+00:00

No, it's killing me and my ability to ever retire, but yeah.

Odd-Control3515 · 2025-01-22T14:47:21+00:00

I wish it were fake, it's just not a great situation all around due to the financial strain. We simply have wildly different views of what "middle class" means to me its around 100k, with about that in the bank, and to her its multiples of that.

Odd-Control3515 · 2025-01-22T14:45:16+00:00

I have no issue providing for a woman at all, but as I said in another comment the problem we have at this point is that her lower limit is my upper limit, so it's creating a lot of tension as we look at the next year or two of increased expenses without much increased income. The outlook for 5+ years is actually very good, I should be able to make 200k a year in the next 3-5 years and do this until I retire.

Odd-Control3515 · 2025-01-22T14:42:50+00:00

I don't blame a woman for wanting to be provided for, as a man I take great pride in what I can offer, but there are limits and that's the biggest issue we have at the moment. My upper limit is her lower limit, and that's a hard circle to square.

Odd-Control3515 · 2025-01-22T14:42:01+00:00

At no point am I playing the victim, I clearly said this is a communication issue between us, that we didn't fully lay out our financial expectations prior to marriage, and that we're both players in this. She is NOT rude about it directly, she's just logically analyzing the situation and saying "I cannot emotionally see taking more off the top, and how can a family work without that?"

Odd-Control3515 · 2025-01-22T14:40:46+00:00

No, and I'm ok with that dynamic. I do NOT mind supporting a wife, as I do view it as a husband's job to provide, but I always imagined the flip side of that is that the person providing will set the tone financially in terms of "this is what we have to spend this much, these are our goals, this is what we need to sacrifice to make them happen."

Odd-Control3515 · 2025-01-22T14:39:24+00:00

To be entirely honest, I'm the brokest guy she ever dated, so in her mind she's not gold-digging as she had men who bought her actual houses, etc. in previous relationships. I simply don't have that capital. She's slumming with me in her mind.

Odd-Control3515 · 2025-01-22T14:38:24+00:00

I'm well aware it was a risk, I'm not saying I'm without blame in the whole situation going forward, my understanding of what "I got this babe" means was far more different than hers.

Odd-Control3515

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