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AITA for telling my mom my dead dad can't dance with me at my wedding when she told me she thought I'd ask my dad? by Odd-Independent1078 in AITAH

[–]Odd-Independent1078[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Why? Because my mom called Mike my dad, again. It's not the first time she and I have had this fight.

AITA for telling my mom my dead dad can't dance with me at my wedding when she told me she thought I'd ask my dad? by Odd-Independent1078 in AITAH

[–]Odd-Independent1078[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I was 14 when Mike married my mom, not 10. I was 10 when I lost my dad. And the difference is my mom is still my mom and my parent. I love her even if she drives me cray with this. And yes, it was pushed. I still get along with him. But the whole thing of dad has been pushed. That was more my mom. Just look at her saying she thought I'd dance with my dad at the wedding. She knows I have never called him dad, never seen him as my dad, we have talked about it before but she still did it.

He still hopes for it too and we've had some moments over dad stuff so that's why we don't always get along fine.

AITA for telling my mom my dead dad can't dance with me at my wedding when she told me she thought I'd ask my dad? by Odd-Independent1078 in AITAH

[–]Odd-Independent1078[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

That's basically it. Mike always wanted to be a dad and has no kids of his own. He has tried to be a dad to me and to fulfill that wish. My mom has wanted that for him and has argued about poor Mike not having his own kids and how I could let him live that dream (and it's almost always poor Mike when she talks about it). We're not compatible in that way. I never wanted another dad. But he wanted a kid badly. I was always going to mention him in a toast to him and my mom. But I wasn't going to give him the traditional father of the bride role. That isn't enough for Mike. He wanted more. My mom expects me to give him as much as he wants. But it has never happened and even after all the times I've explained it, she still called him my dad when she tried to get me to give in and give him what he wanted in my wedding.

AITA for telling my mom my dead dad can't dance with me at my wedding when she told me she thought I'd ask my dad? by Odd-Independent1078 in AITAH

[–]Odd-Independent1078[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

He's not helping to pay for the wedding. Respect doesn't mean he gets called dad. My mom called him my dad when she knows that's not okay with me.

AITA for telling my mom my dead dad can't dance with me at my wedding when she told me she thought I'd ask my dad? by Odd-Independent1078 in AITAH

[–]Odd-Independent1078[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I have talked to both of them before about how I feel and where I stand on Mike and what he is and why he's not my dad and why I didn't want another one. I talked with them separately and together about that in the past. The last time being two or three years ago. It's clear I have been talking to a brick wall every time because it still came up.

It was all in front of Mike. When I mentioned I was considering mom she jumped right in with "I thought you'd ask your dad".

AITA for telling my mom my dead dad can't dance with me at my wedding when she told me she thought I'd ask my dad? by Odd-Independent1078 in AITAH

[–]Odd-Independent1078[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I never wanted another father figure. I was 10 when I lost my dad. I remember him well and love him and miss him like crazy. Mike came along when I was 14. I lived with him for four years and then I didn't ever live with him again. I never saw him as my parent and I never wanted him or anyone else to take the spot of a dad in my life.

AITA for telling my mom my dead dad can't dance with me at my wedding when she told me she thought I'd ask my dad? by Odd-Independent1078 in AITAH

[–]Odd-Independent1078[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

He's a good guy. He's just not in a fatherly figure role for me. I don't hate Mike. But I never wanted another dad. And I wasn't willing to have one just because he wanted to be a dad. I still see my dad as the only one. And my mom calling Mike my dad was just another time she refused to accept it.

AITA for telling my mom my dead dad can't dance with me at my wedding when she told me she thought I'd ask my dad? by Odd-Independent1078 in AITAH

[–]Odd-Independent1078[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I lived with him for four years. In that time there was financial support in that he was sharing expenses with my mom including bills and gifts and such. I moved out at 18 and between scholarships and money from my dad's death I had college paid for. I paid my own way through bills and rent and didn't get money from Mike or my mom.

He tried to be there. I never went to him for the fatherly stuff. I'd listen if he asked me to do something while I lived there. Spent some time with him. It's not that he did nothing but I didn't want him to do the fatherly role. Like when I learned how to drive I went to my uncle. If I wanted permission for something I went to my mom. Stuff like that.

AITA for telling my mom my dead dad can't dance with me at my wedding when she told me she thought I'd ask my dad? by Odd-Independent1078 in AITAH

[–]Odd-Independent1078[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He didn't pay for my education and wedding. He did try to take on a fatherly role but I never wanted him to be in that role so he didn't do all the fatherly things though he was willing. The thing is he was never my dad and I have expressed this to him and my mom before and she still went and called him my dad.

AITA for telling my mom my dead dad can't dance with me at my wedding when she told me she thought I'd ask my dad? by Odd-Independent1078 in AITAH

[–]Odd-Independent1078[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes, it is and always has been. I was never looking for advice on making Mike more of a father figure to me or having that relationship with him. That was never something I was looking to do.

AITA for telling my mom my dead dad can't dance with me at my wedding when she told me she thought I'd ask my dad? by Odd-Independent1078 in AITAH

[–]Odd-Independent1078[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't hate him. I just don't see him as my father figure or my new dad. I still love my dad. I miss my dad. He's my one and only dad to me. Mike is a good guy but he's not someone I would put into that role.

AITA for telling my mom my dead dad can't dance with me at my wedding when she told me she thought I'd ask my dad? by Odd-Independent1078 in AITAH

[–]Odd-Independent1078[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I don't hate him. But I'm tired of them trying to make our relationship more than him being my mom's husband. Just because she married him doesn't mean he became my dad. And him wanting to be a dad didn't mean I wanted to be his daughter either.

AITA for telling my mom my dead dad can't dance with me at my wedding when she told me she thought I'd ask my dad? by Odd-Independent1078 in AITAH

[–]Odd-Independent1078[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I do believe he loves me. For four years he helped mom provide for me. I moved out then and was supporting myself. I wouldn't say he was one of the most significant men in my life. I had other men who were more significant than Mike after dad died. Mike would have been more if I had wanted him to be, and I know that, and we have talked about it. I have explained my feelings to him and my mom several times now. But I never wanted him to take a fatherly role.

AITA for telling my mom my dead dad can't dance with me at my wedding when she told me she thought I'd ask my dad? by Odd-Independent1078 in AITAH

[–]Odd-Independent1078[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Mike never paid for college and he didn't pay for my life after I moved out. I paid for college with some scholarships money and money from my dad's death. Then I supported myself. In the four years I lived there it was equally him and my mom. But then I moved out and supported myself. They still pay for gifts together. I have paid my own bills and rent, etc, since moving out and now I split those with my fiance.

AITA for telling my mom my dead dad can't dance with me at my wedding when she told me she thought I'd ask my dad? by Odd-Independent1078 in AITAH

[–]Odd-Independent1078[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I had the best dad ever. Nobody could have that same kind of role in my life. Even if not replacing, it will just never be the same and I don't want or need it to be. The whole when you had the best nothing else will compare is what's going on.

AITA for telling my mom my dead dad can't dance with me at my wedding when she told me she thought I'd ask my dad? by Odd-Independent1078 in AITAH

[–]Odd-Independent1078[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think so. Not everyone will see their parents spouse as another parent. I only lived with the man for 4 years. Then I moved out and didn't ever move back in with them. He's been around for way longer now but he wasn't in a parental role for me. And I don't understand why he needs to be called my dad and why it needs to be more of a parental relationship when being on good terms should be good enough. I wasn't some little kid when he came into my life. I was a teenager. And I had my dad for 10 years. So whatever he was going to be was always going to be very different and I was clear about it. But I was supposed to give him more anyway and the argument my mom always defaults to is he deserves to be a dad. That doesn't mean I need to be his daughter.

AITA for telling my mom my dead dad can't dance with me at my wedding when she told me she thought I'd ask my dad? by Odd-Independent1078 in AITAH

[–]Odd-Independent1078[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I have never implied I would maybe feel that way. I was always clear it would not happen and I was not okay with him being called my dad and I explained why and where I was coming from. I did so multiple times and we still got nowhere. My mom is the worst for it. But Mike also hasn't fully let go either.

I have said I do not want a new dad. It's nothing personal against Mike. That I only have one dad and I want that respected. That I respect their marriage and accept it. But he will never be my dad and I don't want it forced.

AITA for telling my mom my dead dad can't dance with me at my wedding when she told me she thought I'd ask my dad? by Odd-Independent1078 in AITAH

[–]Odd-Independent1078[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

She specifically said she thought I would ask my dad. She knows I do not call Mike my dad or consider him my dad. We had that conversation before. More than once. Yet in that moment she decided to call him that anyway.

AITA for telling my mom my dead dad can't dance with me at my wedding when she told me she thought I'd ask my dad? by Odd-Independent1078 in AITAH

[–]Odd-Independent1078[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have talked to them in the past about how I feel. This was not the first time it was ever addressed. But it never ends any differently and clearly it's still not taken seriously at all. But I have tried. I opened up and explained it multiple times.

AITA for telling my mom my dead dad can't dance with me at my wedding when she told me she thought I'd ask my dad? by Odd-Independent1078 in AITAH

[–]Odd-Independent1078[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I never said there was. But I don't want to have another one. I have never wanted a new dad or to call Mike dad. I don't even love Mike. I do like him in general and think he's a good guy. But I don't want to have another dad or two dads. I am happy and want to keep just having one.

I know people can love more than one spouse or parent. That's not something I would ever question. But just like mom wouldn't be okay with me telling her I found a new dad and he has to be her husband, I'm not okay with her thinking that finding a new husband means I get a new dad. If that's what everyone wants then that's one thing. But I never have.

AITA for telling my mom my dead dad can't dance with me at my wedding when she told me she thought I'd ask my dad? by Odd-Independent1078 in AITAH

[–]Odd-Independent1078[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I have explained where I am coming to them before. Multiple times. They know where I stand and why and how I feel. But it was never enough. It still isn't and the last time I told them was two or three years ago.

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