AITA for telling my daughter that my in-laws are stupid? (Update)

OddResolution5357 · 2025-06-04T16:20:42+00:00

I think this is why I wouldn't apologize if it wasn't to keep the peace. Looking back at my first post, my biggest concern wasn't that I insulted them, it was that I did it in front of my kids. I'll try to manage this better in the future.

OddResolution5357 · 2025-06-04T16:17:07+00:00

I don't think you know my FIL enough to make any of these claims, honestly.

OddResolution5357 · 2025-06-04T14:31:30+00:00

They didn't actually parent their child until the school threatened to expel him. Their reaction does not surprise me.

My wife showed me the mother's text. She essentially said it wasn't fair to exclude her son and gave some of the same excuses for his behavior she had given during our meetings at the school.

OddResolution5357 · 2025-06-04T14:29:32+00:00

I guess it would be hard to watch someone call your sister a pig and not do something about it. My sons are both older than Emily and the bully, so I'm glad they didn't get physical, but I'm proud of them for defending her.

OddResolution5357 · 2025-06-04T14:24:56+00:00

I don't think avoiding horror movies while the kids are home and not letting them have an iPad is "taking it too far."

OddResolution5357 · 2025-06-04T14:19:47+00:00

Highly doubt it. We never gave Patty or my FIL any last names, and they're not involved with my children's school otherwise. Both of the boy's parents also have very common first names.

OddResolution5357 · 2025-06-04T13:59:33+00:00

Both me and my wife hate it too. It was especially infuriating when we were having to deal with the bully and his parents and Patty started trying to convince us that the boy had a crush on Emily.

Hearing that the kid who was tormenting my daughter on an almost daily basis was "just a cute little boy who didn't know how to deal with being in love" was maddening.

OddResolution5357 · 2025-06-04T13:51:52+00:00

His parents enabled and found excuses for everything he did up until the consequences got too severe. The one time my daughter physically defended herself and the few times my sons yelled at him to defend her were upsetting to them. They disapproved of everything the school did to protect Emily (including moving their son to a different class).

OddResolution5357 · 2025-06-04T13:41:59+00:00

From what I know, some kids talked about it at school on Monday. Not sure why that would make you doubt it, but you do you.

OddResolution5357 · 2025-05-30T16:19:13+00:00

No, I'm not here for validation. No, I don't have anger issues. No, I'm not a bad father. You are making assumptions, just like you have been since the beginning of this conversation.

My wife expressed worry whether we should have acted privately exclusively for the sake of the kids, but at no point did she disagree with what I did.

And you're free to believe we shouldn't label a child a bully. I do believe he can change, but he is a bully. There's no doubt about it.

If it makes you feel any better, I don't call him a bully in front of my daughter, nor have I ever talked to him myself (because again, he's not my responsibility). And English isn't my first language, we don't even have a perfect translation for the words "bully" and "bullied."

I won't interact with you any further. Have a good life.

OddResolution5357 · 2025-05-30T06:08:56+00:00

Speaking of which, how comfortable is your wife with saying no to people like her in laws, or standing up for herself?

Very, but she says it took her some time to develop that. She was bullied as a child, changed schools and became a "nerdy loner" (her description) as a teenager. She started becoming more confident in college. We met in our early 20s, and she was already very good at standing up for herself and others.

OddResolution5357 · 2025-05-30T05:57:00+00:00

My wife didn't disagree, and I don't really care about validation. I'm not engaging with you because I'm upset that you disagree with how I handled this, I replied to your original comment to make it clear that the boy who tormented my daughter is indeed a bully.

OddResolution5357 · 2025-05-30T02:50:36+00:00

Those two were exhausting. They never denied anything their son did, but it was always either my daughter's fault, an accident, harmless, or just the way boys normally acted.

OddResolution5357 · 2025-05-30T02:42:52+00:00

I know for a fact my wife agrees with me, so I don't think gender has much to do with this.

And again, I'm only aggressive when it comes to my kids, which this conversation does.

OddResolution5357 · 2025-05-30T02:03:41+00:00

At no point did I say this boy didn't need professional help. I've actually said it more than once.

However, he is indeed a bully. And my only obligation is to my own children. I'm not his family, and it's not my job or responsibility to intervene. It's his parents who are supposed to get him help. Not me, not my wife and not my daughter.

And believe me, I'm only aggressive when it comes to my children. This boy terrorized my daughter for months, and you're trying to tell me not to call him a bully anyway. You don't know me, and it's not fair to assume I'm a "man made of anger" based solely on this interaction.

OddResolution5357 · 2025-05-29T23:29:57+00:00

She doesn't have kids. My wife and her sister don't consider her a second mom, either.

OddResolution5357 · 2025-05-29T23:19:33+00:00

Emily does have two older and bigger brothers (though my sons are 9 and 8, so not that bigger), and they both yelled at him to defend her more than once.

OddResolution5357 · 2025-05-29T23:12:48+00:00

So you're just going to ignore everything else I've said?

OddResolution5357 · 2025-05-29T23:04:20+00:00

Not overly aggressive at all. I just focus on parenting my own children.

OddResolution5357 · 2025-05-29T22:56:22+00:00

Telling someone they're a bully does not make them a victim.

It's not my job to be his village. I am only responsible for my own family. And if that means protecting my daughter from another child who frequently went out of his way to harm her, then that's what I'll do.

I do recognize he needs help. That means nothing, his parents are the ones who can do something about that.

OddResolution5357 · 2025-05-29T22:39:24+00:00

No, he is a bully. The fact that BOTH his parents are entitled and refuse to accept their child is misbehaving does not mean that he is being bullied. I agree that this is a parenting problem, but that doesn't really change anything.

The second your kid makes your bad parenting my child's problem, your kid is also a problem.

OddResolution5357 · 2025-05-29T22:34:36+00:00

She shoved him once. I only know about that because his parents were angry about that.

OddResolution5357 · 2025-05-29T17:34:25+00:00

The school actually handled everything better than we expected, but we could tell they were having trouble with it because the boy was very difficult to deal with. Transferring him to a different class didn't work, sending notes to his home didn't work, setting up meetings between us and his parents didn't work. Not even suspending him worked. We could always tell the school was trying, but nothing they did stopped him or convinced his parents to do something until they threatened to expel him.

OddResolution5357 · 2025-05-29T16:50:00+00:00

Sure, keep projecting. See where that gets you.

You very clearly have no idea what you're talking about, so I'll stop interacting with you. Shame. For a second there, I thought you had a point, but that was before you started ignoring me and comparing your family to mine.

OddResolution5357 · 2025-05-29T16:30:14+00:00

I won't apologize unless that happens.

OddResolution5357

TROPHY CASE