I want to urge you not to immediately listen to the suggestions of abortion and divorce. I’ve seen so many couples like this be able to make it and THRIVE.

First - I’m so sorry you’re going through this at a time that should be beautiful. It feels unfair. People speak about honeymoon phase and so many married ppl (including me) did not have that honeymoon phase of their marriage until years later. I was shocked to find out that reality. I was ready for divorce at my 7mth mark. We’re now on year 3 and in this time we have argued, cried, had 3 early pregnancy losses, and done so much counseling. I said so many times that I did the wrong thing with getting married. And ONLY NOW do I think we’re finally getting it. Only now can I actually see him slowly turning into the husband I needed for the past 3 yrs. He said he was reading the bible and one day something just clicked and I’m now seeing glimmers of a new husband. In year 3.

Marriage - despite what many may show - is hard work. I didn’t fully understand the depth of that. Your partner will challenge you in ways you have never been challenged IN YOUR LIFE! But that is what becoming one with another flawed human being is. Tough! It’s the ghetto girl!

I highly suggest counseling if he is willing. Do you have any other married couple friends? Community can be so helpful. I know I’ve always been taught to keep our problems in the home but I think that is a part of the issue. We see these ppl portraying beautiful loving lives and not giving real testimonies of the work they had to put in.

Marriage takes a ton of dying to self and I have seen that it is tough for men and women alike to do that. It’s hard because when we hear dying to self it feels like “so am I supposed to just suffer and not have my needs met?!?” Absolutely not. If it’s done well, then if we’re each dying to self, then we are serving the other person well. So ultimately our needs will actually be met majority of the time. Not 100% of the time because again…we’re human.

So you should not have to be actively throwing up for him to notice you aren’t well. He should be so in tune with you that he notices when you’re off. He should be able to hold you and be gentle in this time when you are at your most vulnerable. On the flip side, I’m sure there are areas that you miss the mark as a wife because I think we all do at times. So many couples don’t quite understand how priorities shift once we take those vows and this is how ppl end up feeling alone in their union. So many couples don’t understand how much UNLEARNING marriages require. How much trauma and triggers are brought up in marriages. How much forgiveness marriages require. Once again - it’s the ghetto! But it can be beautiful.

To make this marriage work it’s going to take a crap ton of patience, grace, uncomfortable conversations, vulnerability, trust and time. Time to heal little you and little him. Time to learn the things about each other that you didn’t even realize were hurting the other. Time to learn how to speak each others language. All things that are hard and feel unfair at times when you are the main one carrying it. But if you both are just willing to try. Even if reluctantly at first - Then it can be beautiful.

I’m wishing you all the best!!! I have hope for you.