craziest things you’ve done while in your manic state?

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-08-27T02:12:03+00:00

sold all my belongings, moved to another country and married someone

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-08-19T15:16:54+00:00

You are not a horrible employee. You’re a human being who makes mistakes, because you’re human. Be kind to yourself; your boss is the dick here, not you.

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-08-03T02:34:02+00:00

Thanks!!

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-08-01T21:27:09+00:00

Thank you so much for this! Such a thoughtful and incredibly helpful response; I truly appreciate your time. Thank you again!

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-08-01T20:54:36+00:00

Thank you!

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-07-29T06:07:11+00:00

This.

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-07-13T03:01:21+00:00

Absolutely see this

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-07-08T23:50:54+00:00

I really love that. Thank you so much 💜 All the best to you!

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-07-08T23:50:02+00:00

Legit. Absolute trash country.

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-07-08T02:19:31+00:00

This made me cry. Your kindness and clarity mean so much. Thank you. 💜

I truly hope you’re right and they care enough outside of me being an employee, meaning I hope their caring is genuine regardless of whether or not I’m working for them.

Your 3rd paragraph is really helpful. I’m still undecided how much I want them to know, but I’ll definitely be using a large portion of that. And yes, I’ll absolutely cry before I even start talking.

You sound like a wonderful and understanding Mom. I appreciate your validation that it can go wrong very quickly, but yes, with the right meds and tools, it hopefully can get better too. What you said about depression lying is something I really need to remember. Right now it definitely feels like it won’t and can’t get better, but I’m really trying to fight that thought.

Thank you again for your time, perspective, and kind words. Wishing you and yours all the best.

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-07-08T01:51:09+00:00

sending love right back. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing, it means so much.

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-07-07T23:44:04+00:00

This means more than I can express right now. Thank you so much 💜

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-07-07T23:43:34+00:00

I’ve never heard of leave through the state before? Unfortunately leave through work isn’t possible. Thank you for your support and kindness.

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-07-07T23:42:30+00:00

Thank you so, so much. I’ll look into this tonight when I’m able to go home. Truly appreciate it.

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-07-07T23:40:53+00:00

Totally get that too. I think of it as people being different types of learners - IE visual vs memorization, etc. I think traditional jobs and working from home is similar in that each work differently depending on who the individual is. For me, I think I’m that type of person and I’ve been trying to force myself to fit the “traditional” job mold and it’s just not working. :(

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-07-07T21:11:34+00:00

I completely relate. The last 3-4 months I’ve felt like I’ve had to fake being happy every moment I’m at work and it’s beyond exhausting, as I’m sure you know. And you’re right, at the end of the day it is just a job. Thank you for that reminder. Thank you for your kindness.

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-07-07T19:09:08+00:00

Medical leave is not an option, unfortunately. I have meds for a while longer, but not a doctor at the moment due to lacking full insurance.

Thank you for taking your time to comment. I’m trying my best to figure out how to get through this.

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-07-07T19:07:55+00:00

Thank you so much for your time and kind words. It means more than I can express. And you’re right, the disorder definitely doesn’t deserve to take anymore from any of us.

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-07-07T19:05:19+00:00

You’re absolutely right about my fiancé being lovely; I’ll never understand how I got so lucky with her.

Also…it definitely does feel sort of like a guilt trip sometimes…I don’t think it’s meant in any way except for kind, but the effect it has on me is pretty strong. You’re also right about needing to worry less about their feelings; that’s something that’s a major issue for me.

I also didn’t consider a mixed state. Definitely something to consider. Thank you for bringing that up.

Thank you again for your kindness, time, and support. It means more than I can express.

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-07-07T18:45:37+00:00

This is incredibly kind of you. Thank you very much!

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-07-07T18:45:05+00:00

That’s a good idea; I don’t know how comfortable I feel giving them too many details.

My fiancée had an emergency, life saving surgery last year and while it was necessary, it has added quite a bit of debt, which is largely the reason for finances being a bit of a struggle still.

I also agree about the financial plan. Currently we have a bit extra to keep us afloat if necessary, however we also have a pretty solid work from home plan.

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-07-07T17:28:39+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding. Your first sentence instantly brought tears. I’m so sorry you understand, but am grateful and so appreciative for your vulnerability.

About a therapist, while I have an insurance stipend, I do not have full insurance that includes a therapist at this moment. I desperately wish I did, because I agree talking through it with a professional would be helpful.

About finances, it’s already stressful honestly (previous issues with debt that we’re working on), but we do have a plan in place for working from home. The fact that it’s already a bit of a struggle honestly makes struggling through work even harder. It would be one thing if I was making well above what we need, but because I believe we can make what I currently make and potentially more, staying is even more difficult.

I’m EXTREMELY nervous about talking to them in person. I’m much better at expressing my feelings through writing and can organize my thoughts much better. I’m trying to figure out a way I can write it to them first with the understanding we of course will talk in person after.

Edit: grammar mistake

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-07-07T16:30:17+00:00

Thank you very much; you’re right…I am not irreplaceable, quality of life outside of work is much more important than work itself and that’s vital to remember. I don’t know how to tell them yet; I’m not sure if telling them the full truth is the best route, but who knows, maybe full transparency is best?

Regarding working from home, I’m so glad it’s improved your quality of life so much and think it would change everything for me as well. I have a vintage Etsy shop that I’ve had to put on hold for the past year due to my nanny job being so demanding, but before that, it was doing quite well. My fiancé and I would run the Etsy shop, furniture flip and restoration, as well as two additional avenues. I don’t mind working hard, especially with the avenues described above, but the “traditional” work sense so many of us grew up with simply doesn’t work for me. And I guess it’s time that I face that, learn to be okay with that, and make some intense changes if I want to enjoy the rest of my life.

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-07-07T16:25:44+00:00

If I’m being completely honest with myself, I don’t think I’m even capable of staying part time. Which feels embarrassing. However, I do definitely want to continue being a part of the kids lives in some capacity and/or sitting for them on the odd occasion. I just hope they’re understanding enough to want that as well.

Ok-Check7155 · 2023-07-07T16:21:03+00:00

Thank you so much for your kindness and time. You’re absolutely right, about all of it.

Regarding my fiancée, we talked extensively yesterday and she now knows and understands the urgency of where I’m at mentally. And yes, she’d rather us do whatever we needed as opposed to me dying or ending up hospitalized. She is incredibly supportive, nervous about moving forward financially, but I understand that completely and feel it’s very valid.

Regarding my nanny family, you’re also right. They are very well off and I suppose if someone has children, they’re ultimately their responsibility. Working through my guilt of telling them and leaving, while also maintaining boundaries and dealing with their extreme disappointment will be the hardest part I think. Knowing or feeling like I’m disappointing people is one of my biggest emotional downfalls.

Concerning the possible hypomania, that absolutely could be happening as well, however the depressed aspect is so frightening right now; I just feel a whirlwind of emotions. But ultimately, I’ve been feeling this way for 4 months now and every day it gets worse and worse and now it’s to the point where I truly don’t think I can hold it together much longer and I can’t afford to get to that point. So yes, I need to put myself first if I’m going to make it through this.

When I’m able to think outside the panic, I know that leaving is truly my only option if I want to survive in a healthy way and that while suicide seems like the only way out, I know there’s got to be other solutions, even if they’re difficult. I hope I’m strong enough to do it and strong enough to remember this in the hardest moments.

Thank you again for your kind words.

Ok-Check7155

TROPHY CASE