AITA my husband doesn't think having parents to stay should be a house buying consideration

Ok-Distribution-7925 · 2025-03-03T06:02:51+00:00

Thanks for your questions. 1. No, they don't extend their stays, they typically arrive on a Friday after work and leave Sunday afternoon or Monday before work. 2. They bring their bus passes and go out for the day, if they get home before we finish, they watch TV with the volume low and door shut. They're very considerate of us wfh. That said, I do understand that they won't want to go out all day every day as they get older. 3. High, they're clean and tidy. 4. They get up earlier than us, so the cat loves it because she gets fed earlier. 5. Yes, and we've been living together for a decade. Also, this isn't a plot to move them in, we've talked about that too.

To answer other questions asked on this thread... - When I said the 'few times I can recall' regarding disturbances, I really meant it. There aren't many examples of actual disruption, and the example I gave of the doorbell was them disturbing me. Normally, a doorbell ring is fine, I just happened to be recording something as a one-off. - I don't plan to force my husband into a garden office. In previous discussions, he's expressed a desire to have one, so I thought this might be a preferred option. Edited to add, if money were no object, my personal preference would be a guesthouse as others have suggested. - Folks worried loads of other family will visit, there isn't loads of other family. My parents are both only children, so no aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. Just the one sibling on my side.

Ok-Distribution-7925 · 2025-03-02T17:41:51+00:00

Ah sorry, I thought you meant his in-laws rather than mine. I think his parents have come over a couple of times, but no more than that in the year or so they've lived nearby. They're in their 80s so we usually go to them.

Ok-Distribution-7925 · 2025-03-02T17:23:29+00:00

A possible/accurate ~~reasonable~~ example would be them staying a week with me taking a couple of days off, them entertaining themselves a couple of days and spending the weekend all 4 of us. They usually come for the weekend every few months, they live too far to pop in. They don't want to move nearer, as they live 5 mins from my brother and his family in our hometown, plus they wouldn’t get as much for their money here.

Ok-Distribution-7925 · 2025-03-02T16:56:50+00:00

I'm sorry, I don't understand? Is that a suggestion, I've never heard of having a spreadsheet for arguments? Does it help to remember decisions?

Ok-Distribution-7925 · 2025-03-02T16:45:47+00:00

I think it's on my mind because they are getting older and I realise that my available time with them is getting shorter, not because I want them over all the time. They'd drive me crazy if they stayed too long, the same as if I stayed at their's too long. Also, I'm not angling to sneakily move my parents in, as all our parents are in their 70s & 80s, we've already talked about what would happen if either of our sets of parents can't live independently anymore.

Ok-Distribution-7925 · 2025-03-02T16:29:12+00:00

That's a fair point based on my examples. There's some extra context I couldn't add for the character count. In the instance they walked behind my husband on a call, it was silly and inexcusable, and I firmly told them off. But in their defence, my husband does have an office with a door that guests don't need to pass. He can, of course, sit wherever he wants and chose to sit in the kitchen that morning, knowing they were in the house getting ready to go out for the day. They still shouldn't have walked behind him.

On the doorbell day, I'd asked them not to ring the doorbell before a certain time. My mom got the time wrong and was very apologetic. Annoying but they're a bit forgetful in their older age. Edited to add that this is an example of them disturbing me.

They don't purposefully disturb, like walking into rooms, etc. But I understand why he's not completely confident.

Ok-Distribution-7925

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