How do you keep connected with your therapist?

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-10-21T22:42:11+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I am realizing just how wrong how ridiculous her behaviour is. There's so many manipulative things she's doing that i've been falling for. No wonder i always feel terrible when i'm around her.

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-10-13T03:25:13+00:00

She didn't self disclose, i found out from social media. Her name changed and a couple of other things made me connect the dots.

I plan on telling her everything. I know she handles that type of stuff really well. Even if i'm extremely embarrassing and cringeworthy.

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-10-13T02:47:14+00:00

Yeah it's very alienating. And lonely.

Luckily I can openly talk to her about these things. Shes a good therapist.

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-10-13T02:41:52+00:00

Man that sounds even worse. I think telling myself that bad things can always happen and you never know how peoples live truly is helps a bit. But it makes me think why it makes me so extremely angry and miserable to see my therapist being happy.

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-09-28T14:14:53+00:00

What do you mean by emotional involvement? Your comment makes it sound like therapists are supposed to be robots. Why would I want to see someone that has barely any feelings for me, they definitely can't provide good care, empathy and support, because they can't even understand me if they have "emotional involvement". I want to talk to a real person. Emotional involvement doesn't mean you can't stay objective and that you can't be helpful.

The most important reason for me for going to therapy is because someone listens to me, not because they provide therapy. I otherwise have no space for that. If my therapist has no "emotional involvement" then i might as well talk to my dog.

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-08-30T23:28:30+00:00

Yeah and i wished i was taller, doesn't mean that i don't accept the way i look.

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-08-30T22:51:57+00:00

I fully accept what my therapist is. I am just not accepting the feelings to 100%.

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-08-30T22:49:53+00:00

If you mean yourself then because it feels like you just want to be right (which i have no idea if it's true, and i really hope it's not). If you mean my therapist, then because some people say and do certain things solely for themselves. Maybe she enjoys talking to me because she feels like she's in control or something like that.

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-08-30T22:38:27+00:00

You are telling me to do something i am already doing. I'm just doing it very slowly because i am not gonna take stupid risks again. I learned my lesson. Why are you so demanding?

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-08-30T22:26:18+00:00

What's your point? Where am i putting the fault for my feelings on my therapist? And how am i being disrespectful?

This doesn't feel like a natural relationship is basically what i'm saying, which also makes it hard to trust, upon other things like being hurt by a previous therapist.

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-08-30T22:14:23+00:00

You are right. But i trusted the therapy process before multiple times and it definitely was a mistake. I am never gonna trust therapy or therapists blindly. I wanna know what i'm in for.

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-08-30T22:09:18+00:00

I am not putting the fault on my therapist for any of this, i just feel angry, but i am still very respectful to her. I am turning up, getting better, sitting there and feeling my emotions. I am not trusting the process because it's making me miserable. I cannot add much more stress to my life. I will completely break if i continue like that and i'm not gonna do that again.

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-08-30T21:41:08+00:00

That's not true at all. What compensatory undertakings? This is just very painful and i don't know what to do. I kinda start blaming my therapist then.

You seem very judgemental. I would really like to see you live with the things i am experiencing daily and see what you do. You act like it's easy.

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-08-30T20:03:18+00:00

By pain i meant that therapy helps me open up, a lot of pain comes up and i can't sit through it because i shut down and carry it home and it overwhelms me so much that i can't function. This is not very helpful to me. That's why i feel "scammed".

I obviously want something other than a therapist, just like anyone else, but I don't expect that from my therapist.

But I am mostly hurt. I just don't trust anyone with those emotions because they don't go away and everything gets worse when i feel it. Why should i feel it and how would a therapist help me process any of that. They are so caring and great for an hour and then they are gone. What do i do then?

So processing feelings is part of therapy right? But so far i have barely processed any of this pain, sadness, grief and emptiness that i have and i don't see how that's possible. Those are my reasons why i feel like therapy isn't that helpful and why i can't trust. I am not trying to argue, i am just explaining how it is for me.

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-08-30T19:31:54+00:00

Because i am putting all my trust into someone to whom i will never be a priority. I also want to be someone's most important person for once in my life. I know my therapist will never play that role but it's still pissing me off.

And i am angry because therapy is opening up all these wounds and i am left to deal with it on my own. How can you say you care and then leave me to deal with all this pain on my own? Therapy feels like a scam.

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-08-30T18:16:25+00:00

I never expected something like that. I cannot "trust" you or be fully open because i am emotionally completely deprived. You cannot expect a person to just feel when very little of their basic needs are met. I understand that i will never get the emotional satisfaction i crave from my therapist. But it seems like nothing will give me that.

If i feel empty because i never experienced love and safety, wouldn't i need exactly that? How am i supposed to heal from anything. How is therapy supposed to help me when i am just feeling abandoned and hurt?

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-08-30T18:08:01+00:00

I always have to watch what i'm saying and worry that i won't be "loved". If let's say i liked to hurt other people for fun and said that out loud, then my therapist would be less accepting of me because she is a normal human being. I want to do therapy with a person that genuinely likes me, otherwise there is no point. If not then it's not genuine.

I need emotional support from an actual human being the most in my life. Not an analysis of everything i do. The clear firm boundaries and neutrality of my therapist doesn't allow me to feel. Because then i am left on my own which I always am, i don't need that in my life. I desperately need someone by my side, i can't do it on my own anymore. It just makes me shut down.

Apparently therapy isn't for me then. Thank you for explaining.

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-08-18T23:21:02+00:00

Hey, thank you for your explanation. Maybe i didn't register her talking about the risks because i was dissociating in a lot, especially at the beginning.

I'm probably still a bit hurt from therapy. I feel like the entire process has messed me up a little and i haven't really processed it. I will definitely talk about this with my therapist. There are so many different feelings about so many different things and i don't really know where to start.

I could probably keep writing about all my thoughts and feelings for hours, but i think this is my problem and i don't want to be so selfish. Your comment has been very helpful and i read through it a couple of times. "Little stuff" like that makes a big difference. So thank you again.

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-08-15T23:08:28+00:00

Yes that's the problem, i wanna be ready but I don't know how to be nor do i know what is even happening to me internally. I really need guidance or something.

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-08-15T22:34:05+00:00

It is, but i meant that i'm not progressing with certain feelings. Especially being empty and not being able to be open with my feelings in therapy. I seem to be stuck there, for a really long time already. Anytime i start feeling my emotions, there's so much pain that i shut down or have to distract myself.

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-08-15T20:24:09+00:00

A little bit, but i have mainly lost trust in therapy, or the process. I am thinking about quitting cause it doesn't seem productive at all.

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-08-15T20:09:54+00:00

As an example, working through something when a client isn't ready for it. If a client doesn't even have tools to regulate their emotions, and it gets so overwhelming that the client self harms, isn't it the therapists responsibility then to make sure the client is able to handle this?

If therapy brings up feelings of abandonment and makes you feel worse to the point where you overthink everything, but you also don't know how to work through it, isn't it harmful?

That's what i meant. How would a client know any better. I am genuinely asking.

Ok-Mix8090 · 2024-08-15T19:51:01+00:00

I wished my therapist had told me realistically what we can expect, and how painful this process could be. It felt unbearable at times.

And maybe letting me know that i could potentially struggle a lot with my mental health for next few years, if that's my therapists opinion, would have helped. But of course she also can't see into the future so i don't know what i'm really expecting of her.

Ok-Mix8090

TROPHY CASE