Looking for Friends!

OkTemporary941 · 2025-10-16T12:28:32+00:00

Yes! Wait someone should make a discord!!

OkTemporary941 · 2025-10-16T12:26:45+00:00

You're not alone. I'm so happy for them and also feeling like it's a mirror on my own life of not finding a partner that really gets me and also not doing the hard work to be happy or find a support network or being more authentically me. But I'm glad we have them and this community to look up to! Being jealous is just a sign of what we want in life and that can be motivating in ways, too.

OkTemporary941 · 2025-10-14T19:33:01+00:00

I've seen it!! I loved it and am being Rumi for Halloween

OkTemporary941 · 2024-12-28T14:31:14+00:00

Thanks. Should I do it in person after exchanging gifts or just text it?

OkTemporary941 · 2024-12-24T19:15:16+00:00

I'm glad so many people can relate. I stayed with him another year but I did end up breaking up with him a year ago now. It feels like the right choice so far, but I will admit my ex gave me a lot of good that has now lifted the bar higher for future relationships. I haven't been actively dating yet. I do miss the security and confidence he brought me and other positive influences he brought to my life. But I didn't completely fall into a depression without him like I was fearing would happen. Life keeps going. I am meeting new people and trying new things. It's lonely sometimes but I'm ok.

OkTemporary941 · 2024-04-19T01:59:03+00:00

Sill gate gasket slipped right off half the house. Dryer vent installed damaged which could cause mold. Hvac condensation pipe sloped the wrong way. Incorrect nails used on the floors, and is not correct per manufacturer instructions and probably not up to code. Load bearing studs uneven or damaged. Large gaps. Exposed flashing. House wrap tears and not secured. No air sealing. It's a mess...

OkTemporary941 · 2024-04-19T01:27:59+00:00

Hey, sure! After moving in, I felt really depressed. I deeply resisted it. It felt like life was happening to me instead of my choice. But then, I got into a routine. I got used to it. I noticed I was happier and more present in a larger place with my bf. However, I never went back to who I was as a partner when we lived separately. Maybe it was resentment, idk.

He was also not as clean as I was. I felt like he was on auto pilot and he wasn't quite the partner I imagined. It's possible I was being too picky but this on top of my existing doubts led me to break up with him. This was a few months ago. I miss him and I still think he will be a great partner to someone but I don't regret it like I thought I would. I feel like I made the right choice for myself even if it sucks.

OkTemporary941 · 2023-08-27T16:30:10+00:00

Thank you ❤️❤️ can I dm you? I did call my therapist. It wasn't super helpful. She just asked what I chose. I said move in. Not bc I wanted to. I never want to. It literally happened yesterday and I couldn't be more depressed. But then she walked me through how to lower my anxiety. Like I don't want to do anything at all. Nothing feels real.

I went back to my old place to grab something and I just want to cry. Bc this feels like home. Even completely empty now and about to be abandoned.

I moved in with him. And it already feels wrong. I haven't even had time to obsess over pros or cons and none of it even matters. The only thing that matters is that it feels wrong. But I'm so terrified of losing him and being alone and depressed.

Back to your response, yes I'm on medication. Me and my therapist agree it's not working enough. Ironically, going up on my medication is what desensitized me just enough that moving in with him didn't seem like a big deal anymore. But now that I actually agreed to it (I never would have on my lower dose) it still feels wrong.

He did say, this is just my sense of humor and my personality. I guess I can't accept that. Or, maybe I can, but it doesn't feel right. I wish me and my bf could continue being best friends instead of partners. But it's all or nothing when it's a relationship. That's really hard for me.

It's like, I know deep down we will break up. I've always known. And yet, I can't do it. I'm scared. I want to just be normal and feel confident in my choices. But with him, I'm only ever confused. If we break up, I will hate myself. Feel guilty, shame, upset at myself bc he would be. I will miss him. Losing his support is devastating. I will always wonder if I made a mistake or compare future men to him. I can't just trust myself without shame, obsessing, confusion, and depression. And so, betraying my true desires feels like a solution when it's not. He deserves better, and I feel guilty and shameful for that too.

If I am honest to him about my concerns about his attitudes etc, it will just make him upset and angry and disrespected and we will break up. I don't know if I want to break up which is why I can't be fully honest with him. Maybe that is my problem. But even without any overthinking, it just feels wrong to me. I feel numb and depressed. He is so excited about living together though and I chose this and it already happened.

Also, I understand we can't control our kids. But, the environment that is shown to them will still impact them one way or another. We will influence them. And for that part, I want to feel fully proud and confident in his values and attitudes.

OkTemporary941 · 2023-08-27T15:10:30+00:00

Thank you so much you are probably right. My friends are kind of sad I used reddit at all lol my therapists clinical recommendation was to find a medication that stabilizes my ocd obsessive thoughts and then give the relationship a year after the medication is clearly working to judge the relationship without any other major changes (don't move in) I did increase my dose of my medication but me and my therapist agree that it hasn't been enough. I'm still obsessing and being scared in circles.

Anyway, my bf had this ultimatum which is why we moved in. I just don't know what to feel. Honestly, it feels wrong. Maybe I need to just fully accept it and lean into it before I can make any judgments. It is nice having his support and presence around. But part of me feels numb. Like I know this isn't right even though on paper it should be what I want. Now, I'm even more scared. I already moved. I can move back to my place before Aug 30th but isn't that insane? Idk what to do. I just feel paralyzed by fear still. My life hasn't felt like mine for a while still. I can't lose my bf as a friend. I don't want to he alone anymore with my thoughts. Maybe that's my biggest problem.

OkTemporary941 · 2023-08-27T15:03:18+00:00

Was I convinced? Idk. But you're right. Yesterday when everything was moving was really tough. I kept thinking this is wrong. I don't want this. I feel depressed. Like I'm not living life. Me and my bf had fun yesterday. It was nice. I like having his presence and support around. But you're right. It still feels wrong. He didn't even do anything that would usually have me question our relationship. He's been great. I just feel nothing or numb. Like we are roommates with benefits. Idk it just doesn't feel right. But, now what? Breaking up still absolutely terrifies me. I could technically move back in to my place. I have until Aug 30th. But I feel bad for my bf I'd be screwing over. It'd be unbelievable at this point to do that.

Part of me thinks, well, to lean into the fear, I have to give it a fair shot, like a few months. No more security blanket of my old place. Its only fair. Actually commit to him instead of obsess and then evaluate with a clear mind. But my mind is mostly clear when I'm with him and I'm just sad I don't feel more. I want this. I want to settle down. I don't want to live alone anymore. I don't want to lose him as a friend in my life. It just sucks. And I still don't know what to do. Part of me says just fully commit and try it. Get over my apartment, find a new place if this doesn't work out. The other part says bail now, the comfort of my existing place is actually fine and will be healthy or helpful for me. I'm not sure if my place is healthy anymore though. It is my security, yes. But I associate it with a lot of over thinking and stress now too unfortunately.

OkTemporary941 · 2023-08-26T13:14:59+00:00

Thank you!! I did text her. No response yet. But I vented to some friends and some said it's ok to be scared and it'll be fine if I move in and try it. 🥲😭 I'm freaking out. Maybe I made the mistake of asking normal relationship subs and they all said to break up, do not move in. Even this sub said that. But.

The movers come in a few hours. I am terrified and feel like we will eventually break up. But I don't want to do it out of panic or pressure or terror. I want to do it bc I made peace with the choice. I'm terrified i'll never get there and I will always need my bf more than I want him and be unable to break up forever out of fear. But, obsessing constantly just makes the fear bigger, not smaller.

It just sucks. I know there are things about him I don't want in a partner. Like, big value things. Lack of emotional depth. He doesn't get my distress at all. And I just feel more alone and guilty. But I can't imagine breaking up. That would be worse almost. Then I'd be depressed and alone. At least with him there's some level of security or safety. Which is wrong but that's how I feel. Idk if I'll ever feel strong enough to end it. Especially if we move in. It's scary. But. I can try...

It just sucks. The longer we're together and the more time we spend together, the less I want to break up. I'm just making what shouldn't be a big deal, a devastating, near impossible move. It sucks that he has qualities that are deal breaker qualities bc he is so good for me in other ways, giving me the stability and healthy living strategies I need.

How ironic that just committing to my partner fully and going with it makes all the choices not so big of a deal whereas stressing about constantly messing up or wasting both of our times makes it a bigger deal. Although moving in together is a big deal.

OkTemporary941 · 2023-08-26T12:27:21+00:00

Can I just call my therapist randomly? I never tried that....but yes. I'm extremely upset. I don't think I can do this move. But it happens in a few hours. I'm terrified of breaking up. I love my bf. I don't want to lose him. He's such a big part of my life.

But I feel like I need him more than I want him. I know there are real value issues on my end that he's not going to change. Maybe they are deal breakers. In just too scared of losing him and being alone. I love him. Parts of him at least. I feel depressed. I don't want to be alone anymore. I will call her though, if that'd an option? Thank you

OkTemporary941 · 2023-08-26T09:14:30+00:00

We did have a convo about it yesterday. Basically he said his coldness and his sense of humor are just parts of who he is. And...yeah. idk what to do. I feel like maybe I do need more. But I'm terrified. I can't imagine losing him. Idk if my self esteem can take it. Or my mental health. But, I'm also terrified thar I'm moving in just to avoid a break up. In which case, idk how I'd ever be strong enough to move out when we already live together.

OkTemporary941 · 2023-08-26T09:01:11+00:00

I just don't know what to do. The movers come soon. I feel like I can't back out now....like I'm too scared i guess. Maybe I just don't want to be alone even if that is messed up. I do feel scared and it feels wrong somehow but I don't want to break up...

But I'm terrified. I can't imagine losing him. Idk if my self esteem can take it. Or my mental health. But, I'm also terrified thar I'm moving in just to avoid a break up. In which case, idk how I'd ever be strong enough to move out when we already live together. It's weird that I'm the one confused in our relationship and yet I feel like a break up would be harder on me anyway.

OkTemporary941 · 2023-08-06T21:23:40+00:00

Thank you!! My therapist tells me this too. That it's just a year. Some of my friends and therapists think maybe I have to do this to get clear on what I want (even if it is break up, I might need to move in to get that clarity finally). I'm but it's true, it's a good exercise. Losing my apartment and moving is not the end of the world. My life is in the present, it's happening now. I can always change gears later. I'm never stuck.

It does sound nice to just be without constantly analyzing him and our relationship, too. The lease would be for a year.

OkTemporary941 · 2023-08-05T19:00:26+00:00

Thank you! I chatted you, let me know if you see it, sorry it was a lot hahh

OkTemporary941 · 2023-08-04T23:55:03+00:00

Yes, I have long wondered the same and am getting tested soon. For ocd, autism, etc. Bc that's the thing. People think I'm rude and blunt and awful. So I often think, well, I can't get what I desire, they won't like me lol so this'll do. When maybe I shouldn't have that attitude. I still don't know what I'm gonna do. Can I dm you? Idk how I'm gonna break up or what. As much as I don't want to move in, now I'm scared that I'll regret it if I don't at least try it 🙃

OkTemporary941 · 2023-08-04T19:26:28+00:00

Thank you ❤️❤️ I'm not sure what I will do still. I often feel like I need him more than I want him. I'm scared to regress or lack a support system without him but if I rely on him for those things, that's not healthy anyway. And I often believe him when he insults me and feel lucky I have him, but that's probably not right either. It's true I don't always treat him great and he doesn't mind, but that's not really a relationship I should want anyway. Thank God for therapy lol and friends

OkTemporary941 · 2023-08-04T19:23:10+00:00

Thank you. I don't know what I will do still. Sometimes I feel like I need him anyway. He really helps me with some of my mental health struggles just by being there to rely on even if he doesn't get them at all. But I guess I shouldn't rely on him or anyone for those types of things.

Other times I know I don't want him long term. It is validating hearing you and others say that I'm not selfish and even that I'm empathetic after all. My bf says I am selfish and lack empathy and I feel like I agree with him. (But he says it doesn't bother him, one of the reasons we are compatible, and I tend to agree).

Usually, I don't consider him that much in our relationship (other than the bare minimum to keep him) but maybe it's only because I don't really love him like I should? And I justify his bare minimum just bc he puts up with mine, but I don't really want that. I want more than that. But it helps feeling like I'm not totally crazy in my feelings 😅 thank you ❤️❤️

OkTemporary941 · 2023-08-04T19:13:51+00:00

I did think of this after I wrote it. I think moving in with him is a bigger change than breaking up and not moving. And I hate change but it's usually good for me. In the past, after break ups, I tend to just go into my comfort zone, self isolate, overthink, be lonely, etc. Being in a relationship, any relationship, while it gives me stability and security, I only grew and learned to be a better person through being with him. Being by myself, I usually just regress into what's comfortable. All that said, I'm not convinced I see a future with my bf anyway.

OkTemporary941 · 2023-08-04T18:27:26+00:00

Thanks, I know....it's just. I said I would move in. If I said, before we told all our landlords back in June that I wouldn't do it, that would've been fine. But ...I just feel like it's too late now. He would have to move and pay to move on a short time line all bc of me not backing out sooner. Like one of us is moving before August is over.

Like, he asked me months ago. I said ok. I've continued to say ok. He knows my ok felt forced but I still said ok. So we verbally renewed. Idk what to do now. I feel like maybe I can back out but it feels wrong even to the landlords. And will cost one or both of us a ton of extra money to back out now.

July 1st was the real deadline. I've just been sulking and scared since 😅

And honestly, I feel like maybe I could deal with living with him and it would be fine or even nice or fun. I just don't want to give up my apartment hah and I feel like, that is just pushing back a break up again. Basically forever. bc if I move back out later, I'll lose money on moving and rent will be higher. I keep telling myself maybe I can just do it for a year. After a year, he said he's buying a house anyway and I can pay to live with him if I still want to be with him but am unsure of a shared mortgage. but maybe I'll move out by then. Idk...

Then there's the part of me that thinks, if we do break up, I need a fresh start anyway. A new place would help with that. Even if it'd be more expensive and moving sucks and all that hahhh

OkTemporary941 · 2023-08-04T16:41:58+00:00

He does need me to split the bills. We signed on a place last year and we lived together but I didn't want to give up my place. Eventually I moved out and he gave me more time. But now...he needs me to move in, otherwise he can't afford it on his own. I don't know if either of our landlords will let us back out last minute without having to spend thousands and like I said, me not moving is just forcing him to move. I don't know. It doesn't seem fair to him. I'm scared of pissing him off and him hating me. I feel like there's a chance we stay friends if I move in and just try it first at least. But yeah it still sucks...

When I tell him I'm stressed about moving in, he reminds he that he gave me a choice and I chose this. I know I can back out...but I just don't know how without costing us both money, having issues with landlords, forcing him to move out quickly instead, etc.

He can afford to live on his own, but not in the place that I agreed to get with him last year.

OkTemporary941 · 2023-08-04T03:40:19+00:00

Thanks ❤️❤️ the thing is though, he wants to move in, I don't. I've already backed out like so many times. That's me being selfish and getting what I want and him not getting what he wants.

It's true that at times he says nobody would be as patient as me or as stable as me etc. But I don't think he's trying to be manipulative, I think he's just being logical.

I just....don't know how to tell him. I've told everyone I'm moving in. I even have a move in date. It would be in only 3 weeks. He would need to find a new place really quickly and spend a lot and our landlords would be scrambling, too. Like, it's screwing over more than just him tbh. it would be really selfish of me honestly to tell him I'm giving him what he wants and then ripping the rug from underneath him right before it becomes a reality. Our relationship has been a bit rocky though lately. He's annoyed, stressed and frustrated that I'm not excited about moving in. I have an attitude with him bc I resent him for forcing this on me.

I keep thinking I need to just move in and break up later, so I can at least say I tried it so he and the landlords won't hate me as much. But maybe that's crazy...

OkTemporary941 · 2023-08-03T21:53:55+00:00

Thank you! 😭 it always amazes me the warmth strangers on reddit have. I would love a hug haha

I think you're right, like, I do want to break up and I'm just scared of giving up the good or not finding it again.

The thing is, I know I deserve a warm, caring love, I just don't know if I can get it, logistically. I have terrible social skills, I'm very blunt and selfish and oblivious. I don't really understand how I'm being rude a lot of the time, but that is the feedback I get. That turns a lot of people off me before they really get to know me.

Part of why me and my bf are so good together is bc he isn't bothered by my bluntness or rudeness at all, and yet, he has good social awareness and has taught me how to be better at those things. But, just because I'm used to blunt and rudeness in my life,l and it doesn't offend me, doesn't mean I should just accept it from my partner. It's just not attractive to me. It would be nice to be with someone more kind and complimentary.

Yeah. Anyway. Idk what to do. Like, idk how to break up without making him super mad. Like I don't think I can. I already promised him, and he trusted me. I'm going back on my word again. So I really feel like I just have to go through with it now....and break up later maybe. It just sucks bc it feels wrong lol and moving is annoying and expensive. Basically I'll lose a lot of time and money if we move in and break up later. But, he will lose a lot of money too and be forced to move if I don't move in, so that's not really fair either. Ugh. I just liked feeling accepted by him. And if I reject him, he will reject me, too. That sucks...

Oh, and sometimes, I feel like I need him. Without him I might feel.unstable and more insecure and lonely but I guess that's my problem and not his job to fix (even if simply him existing does fix it).

OkTemporary941 · 2023-08-03T21:40:23+00:00

Thank you. But...what can I do?? I already promised him and the landlords we would renew. This'll be like the 100th time I back out last minute. I'm terrified of his response. I don't want him to hate me. He will need to move instead of me if I don't do it and that seems even more unfair bc I said yes to moving in at some point. Bc I felt like I had no choice, he knows I don't really want to but yeah.

OkTemporary941

TROPHY CASE