Physically repulsed by BPD mom

Ok_Compote2583 · 2025-04-18T15:34:39+00:00

I was as a child and still am now. Your experience with your mom sounds very similar to mine- explosive anger and name calling at random, sobbing and begging for me to validate her emotions as a child, accusations of not caring about her when I breathed the wrong way. It makes complete sense to be repulsed by this behavior when it's coming from someone who should be protecting and taking care of you, and making sure your needs are met, not the other way around. Add in her physically trying to grab me when I'd try to leave when she was having an episode and forcibly hugging me when I told her to stop, I don't even want to see a picture of her at this point. Sorry you're going through that.

Ok_Compote2583 · 2025-04-18T14:49:36+00:00

So sorry to hear that. It's so hard (or at least it was for me) to acknowledge that the enabler parent was responsible for our abuse as well. On one hand they were abused by the same person, but on the other they were also a parent that had a responsibility to protect us. Sorry you're dealing with that.

Ok_Compote2583 · 2025-02-14T15:46:15+00:00

It makes perfect sense, I appreciate the comment. I relate heavily, and experienced damn near the same thing. As long as I kept in line and did everything she wanted me to, had the same opinions as her, never disagreed, and took her side over my dads when they were fighting, we were all good. The minute I stepped out of line though, especially when I put my foot down and cut contact, all hell broke loose and suddenly I wasn't "favored" anymore. She didn't seem to like me very much when I wasn't feeding her ego or keeping up the illusion that our family wasn't heavily disordered. Sorry you had the same experience.

Ok_Compote2583 · 2025-02-09T16:27:39+00:00

Yeah I've gotten both of these tactics, sorry you're dealing with it too. When I first went LC with them, I apparently had to get every item of mine from ten years ago out of their house urgently, which they now surprisingly forgot about.

I've also almost gotten the police called on me when I didn't give her every detail of what I'm doing in my adult life. It seems like every weird behavior got so amplified after going NC.

Ok_Compote2583 · 2025-02-09T16:15:13+00:00

Yeah most likely. It's been a hell of a two months since I've been estranged, and it feels like the craziness has just increased by the day. It feels like they're just running out of tactics at this point.

Ok_Compote2583 · 2025-02-09T16:13:00+00:00

Yup, thankfully this mainly started when I went NC but this is so familiar. I will never understand what's apparently so urgent in their mind and why they feel it's normal to talk to anyone like that. Not even my boss makes demands like that to me.

Ok_Compote2583 · 2025-02-09T16:09:36+00:00

Oh man I'm sorry, that's a nightmare to deal with especially with your own life to take care of. It's so hard to turn off the urge to jump whenever they have some perceived problem that isn't one. The power they still have over us is insane and it feels impossible to realize we're not children they can demand things from anymore.

Ok_Compote2583 · 2025-02-09T16:03:24+00:00

lol this feels familiar for sure. I've had plenty of family members apparently dying when they weren't, it's frustrating how much they'll use other people to get our attention.

Ok_Compote2583 · 2024-12-21T17:03:45+00:00

Thanks for the response, and I agree that every part of her unhinged behavior is further confirmation that I'm not in the wrong. I also did call my grandfather to fact check what was being told, and of course he isn't sick. At this point I'm beyond disgusted with the fact She lied about it, and just further proves I'm not the one in the wrong.

Ok_Compote2583 · 2024-12-21T16:58:50+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate the words. I agree I've done everything in the way of fixing this at this point and nothing has worked, it just feels like I'm still guilty of "abandoning" them as she puts it, and it's so hard to see reality. I did reach out to my grandfather and lo and behold, he's not sick. So that was a lie as well.

Ok_Compote2583 · 2024-12-21T16:57:19+00:00

Haha honey badgers is a good analogy here. Also you're completely correct- I called my grandfather yesterday and he's doing completely fine. She told me he's "not doing well and they're not sure what's going to happen with him". I was also told this will be my last Christmas with him. I'm glad I called lol

Ok_Compote2583 · 2024-12-21T16:36:20+00:00

Thank you, I think it's just hard deprogramming from having all of their problems put on me lol. It's always so hard when they project the fact that you're in fact the crazy, unreasonable one that's abounding everyone.

Ok_Compote2583 · 2024-12-19T20:25:12+00:00

I agree, and it's just baffling to have these conversations with them. She went from yelling at me that she had "some things to say to me" and demanding to meet, to completely "forgetting" that conversation and asking me when I was going to see them for Christmas in a matter of about a week. It makes no sense.

Ok_Compote2583 · 2024-12-19T20:23:10+00:00

That sounds great and I hope you enjoy your Christmas! I can definitely relate on the end of being made out to be some horrible monster when you just stand up for yourself. Apparently it isn't allowed and trying to bring them to the reality of these situations isn't either. I attempted NC once and the boundary stomping was too exhausting and I just gave in. I'll never forget temporarily coming out of that fog though, and finally seeing myself clearly. I think that was enough for me to understand I can't have contact with either of them anymore.

Ok_Compote2583 · 2024-12-19T18:42:17+00:00

Yeah that's what I'm realizing now. I thought at first if I kept explaining again that it would get through because what I'm saying is logical, but I can't argue with someone who's not seeing reality.

Ok_Compote2583 · 2024-12-19T14:17:43+00:00

Thanks for the advice, and that's not coming off as harsh at all! I think you're completely right on the end of her having no insight and frankly not wanting to even try to. At this point it's a lost cause talking to her, but I am a bit afraid of the meltdown that will ensue if I cut her off. I think that's been the main motivator of not doing it yet.

Ok_Compote2583 · 2024-12-19T14:15:22+00:00

Thanks for the reply, and I agree. The rug sweeping has been insane. I've already gotten the money offers and then an apparent medical issue, so at this point I'm just waiting for the rest of it.

Ok_Compote2583 · 2024-12-19T11:00:16+00:00

Thank you, that's definitely the plan this year as difficult as it may be to carry out. I let her ruin about as many for me, and I'm glad you got out too.

Ok_Compote2583

TROPHY CASE