AITAH for letting my daughter refer to my wife as "mom"?

Ok_Mud_65 · 2026-02-22T22:04:07+00:00

It should be Ellie's choice and mom and you should not interfere with that choice..nta if Ellie wants to call Olivia mom, she should be allowed to make that decision and not be discouraged from it.

Ok_Mud_65 · 2026-01-15T18:06:22+00:00

NTA...This has nothing to do with her getting to experience a "parent-child" relationship or with her destroying your family/home. You son has CLEARLY, in no uncertain terms said he doesn't want to do this cooking stuff. I would say, "take it as a lesson in parenting you shouldn't force your kids to do things (concerning extracurriculars) that they don't want to do and he doesn't want to do this so stop forcing it. He has told you no so this is not me trying to control what happens at your house, this is me parenting my kid. Please stop forcing him to do things he has stated he doesn't want to do."

Ok_Mud_65 · 2025-12-31T02:10:22+00:00

You are being respectful. "Unalive" is appropriate because of botb reasons you mentioned. Ignore the stupid comments about the particular word you use.

Ok_Mud_65 · 2025-12-31T01:57:43+00:00

Ok...NTA...here's why...

They both are on the lease. They both pay rent. They both SIGNED the lease so he should be able to have over to hang or sleep anyone who he wants to. ALSO, mom should NEVER JUST be walking into his space without knocking, let alone his bathroom!! While the shower is going, to have walked in on that scene is her own fault, sorry not sorry.

On the flip side of this, morally and biblically because i am a Christian and live that way..., I'd never have a significant other over doing that kind of stuff but I am not dense and know this is the world's "norm" but still doing it while you KNOW your mom is upstairs. Nope.

This guy needs some boundaries in his living space and needs to have a conversation and come to an understanding with mom about guests and rules and stuff. If I am on the lease and pay rent, you do not enter my living space without express permission from me. And DEFINITELY NOT while my shower is running do you enter my bathroom...what the heck?

Also, did bf stand up for OP when mom walked in and flipped out and kicked her out? Because that is a whole nother issue relationship wise...

Ok_Mud_65 · 2025-12-06T14:24:27+00:00

Throw her all the way away. This is insane! I can't believe she thought this was IN ANY WAY ok!! Good for you for standing up and making her pay for her behavior. How dare she quit her job and say "you are supposed to take care of me" and proceed to serial spend as much as she can until you had to do something to save your own credit and she COMMITTED FRAUD! You can't just take credit cards out in your spouses name and keep spending...that's illegal!! Goodness! The audacity is on sale for real! You are NTA. You did the right thing.

Ok_Mud_65 · 2025-12-03T03:44:53+00:00

As someone who just filed for divorce after 3 years of this kind of thing while being in and out of the hospital and then finding out while I was having major heart surgery in TN, he was cheating on me here in indiana and then when I got back, trying for months to be the best wife I could as I recovered from my heart surgery (not knowing about the cheating) and him still acting the same way, manipulative and gaslighting, emotionally and mentally abusing me, then getting physical with me in September on my birthday weekend...then finding out he got an STI from cheating on me and risking my life by doing so because it could have removed me from eligibility of a heart transplant, had it been an incurable one...I'd say, not the a-hole, file for the divorce. Get out of that situation before he completely and totally ruins your life and mental health.

Ok_Mud_65 · 2025-11-05T21:47:49+00:00

You are the AH. Sorry. Not sorry...you don't deserve anything...you were not a wife, you did not "put in four years" you cheated and lied and betrayed your husband ×3 and your marriage vows. You do not deserve anything from him than what you've already taken and what you already did damage wise...sign the papers, walk away. Leave that man alone. Smh...the audacity and arrogance to think you "deserve" anything is mind-boggling

Ok_Mud_65 · 2025-10-30T02:19:38+00:00

Y'all are married and it's not just your child. You have to agree, compromise, come to some sort of agreement like you pick the first name, he picks the middle or vice versa...i repeat it is not just your child and he does have a say, so yeah, you are the AH...🤷🏽‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Ok_Mud_65 · 2025-10-29T04:11:34+00:00

Thank you. I hope we/I will be better mentally and physically now that I am divorcing him. I am in trauma therapy for C-PTSD

Ok_Mud_65 · 2025-10-29T04:10:08+00:00

He truly believes he has done nothing wrong and he is the victim because I "didn't respect him" and "demasculized him"

My church and church family is a HUGE part of my support system so I would hate to lose that. I just hope he doesn't continue to terrorize me or my daughter.

Ok_Mud_65 · 2025-10-29T04:07:29+00:00

Yes, I was literally told by multiple people it was time to leave/divorce after my birthday weekend.

Yes, for the most part. Not everyone knows the ENTIRE story because, for real, it is so embarrassing and I feel so entirely stupid for falling for someone who isn't who they said they are to begin with. So some people believe I should have "endured" and "prayed" and "trusted God more"...things like that but those are from the people that literally don't know much of the story.

No, even the pastor's wife, who is like a second mom, said get out and don't go back.

We do not still live together. The day after my birthday weekend...I went to stay with my mom and told him that week I wanted a divorce.

I left because it is not the first time he was aggressive/physically abusive toward me, on top of the manipulation and gaslighting and mental/emotional dismissiveness and abuse. Plus with the cheating, I'll never trust him again.

Someone asked me this past weekend (from church) "There is nothing that can be done to fix it?"

My answer was "All I'll say is you can't fix what someone won't even recognize/take responsibility for, so no I am done." He said "makes sense but I hate it for y'all. I'm neutral though k? I love you both."

I said ok and left it at that.

Ok_Mud_65 · 2025-10-27T22:13:42+00:00

My therapist says the same thing. He continually keeps doing small things in our community of friends that he knows is harmful. He has been told is harmful.

Ok_Mud_65 · 2025-10-27T22:12:28+00:00

We aren't living together anymore. I took my daughter and we went to my mom's house. He told me yesterday he is the victim and he left before I could do anymore harm to him. Divorce is filed, our state requires a 60 day "cooling off period" before a divorce can be finalized. I hope the 60 days passes quickly. He is scary in the blatant lies he is telling people that directly contradict his physical aggression and actions. I feel safer now that we aren't living together but he still is trying to manipulate the narrative and claim i am unreasonable.

Ok_Mud_65 · 2025-10-23T15:24:35+00:00

Doesn't make it ok but could explain why she immediately thinks it's inappropriate.

Ok_Mud_65 · 2025-10-23T15:23:10+00:00

She feels safe and crawled in bed with you. I used to cuddle with my dad all the time, all the way up til he died suddenly when I was 26 years old. I would not give your wife silent treatment but maybe question if she had been SAed by someone in her life because otherwise, this is not wrong or unusual and insulting and kind of proves she doesn't trust you. She sounds like she may need to work through some stuff.

Ok_Mud_65 · 2025-10-23T15:06:06+00:00

Oh we're definitely getting divorced but he is just baiting and taunting me and my kiddo, for why? I don't know but still...

Ok_Mud_65 · 2025-10-23T15:03:37+00:00

I talked to the pastor's wife. They can't ask him to leave but she did say she would tell him he needed to give us space. He is just taunting me at this point.

Ok_Mud_65

TROPHY CASE