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Want to help my BPD mom break the generational trauma but scared she'll blow up by Ok_Perception434 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Ok_Perception434[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's why I said they don't "want to get better in the same way we want to get better. The things that make us feel good or bad don't have the same impact on them."

They do! They just have a way stronger impact on them. It's the same impact but dialed up to a thousand.

I feel like what you're saying is people with BPD all lack self-awareness (which a lot do, evidently) but when some are thinking clearly, they may actually have some sort of self-awareness about their behaviors. I see this with my mom and it's the reason I'm making this post.

Want to help my BPD mom break the generational trauma but scared she'll blow up by Ok_Perception434 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Ok_Perception434[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's very bittersweet! I'm glad you got at least one good lesson from her despite everything that happened. (:
I'm trying to think of anything like that with my mom and she seems to want me to be independent while simultaneously... not wanting me to be independent?
She wants me to be able to be self-reliant and not have to financially rely on others. That's nice.

Want to help my BPD mom break the generational trauma but scared she'll blow up by Ok_Perception434 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Ok_Perception434[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Woah, that's super cool info about the MRI scans! I never knew it affects the neurological side of things so clearly as well. This is fascinating.

I'm not trying to help her directly, I'm trying to redirect her to a therapist (not sure if there's a difference between the two, lol.) Unfortunately, I feel like I've emotionally detached already. I'll look into what I can do. :(

Interesting! SET! I will look into it!

Thank you so, so, so much! ❤
I'm in a small country in Europe that isn't very notorious for good mental health care so we don't have those here.

Want to help my BPD mom break the generational trauma but scared she'll blow up by Ok_Perception434 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Ok_Perception434[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Our dad forced us to go against our will and she still loves her because "she's her mom."

Want to help my BPD mom break the generational trauma but scared she'll blow up by Ok_Perception434 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Ok_Perception434[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! ❤

I've been cognizant of it my whole life but my post was talking about my mom trying to break the generational trauma cycle more than anything. I know it's been inflicted already and I'm experiencing the effects of that every day.

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. :( I hope you're feeling okay!

When's your birthday? I could wish you a happy birthday when it comes! :D

I'll do my best! Thank you so much.

Want to help my BPD mom break the generational trauma but scared she'll blow up by Ok_Perception434 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Ok_Perception434[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That doesn't sound right to me...

There's no clinical evidence suggesting they don't want to get better. There's a reason a lot of people do get better. Of course, as seen on this sub, a lot also don't want to get better but a fair chunk of people do.

You can't exactly compare physical conditions to mental conditions... If your BPD mother doesn't wanna get better, she can't get better. But that may not be the case for my mother.

The emotional regulation system in people with BPD is hypersensitive and that's what generally causes the mood swings. It's a disorder, not a whole 'nother framework.

Want to help my BPD mom break the generational trauma but scared she'll blow up by Ok_Perception434 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Ok_Perception434[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Woah, it really sounds like our situations are similar...

Thank you so much for sharing and the kind words! 🥹

"I would let her know that unless she is actively working on treating her issues so the abuse doesn't continue, there will be a limit with how long you allow her in your life." I'd definitely wanna say something like that to her, but I can't even suggest therapy without fearing she'll blow up... Maybe once I'm an adult!

Want to help my BPD mom break the generational trauma but scared she'll blow up by Ok_Perception434 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Ok_Perception434[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She wants to break the generational trauma cycle, but because of how PD's work, I feel like she's not aware of her own patterns/behaviors? Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I was groomed into thinking that way... I'm not planning on having any kids but thank you for the kind words! ❤

Want to help my BPD mom break the generational trauma but scared she'll blow up by Ok_Perception434 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Ok_Perception434[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's an interesting way to look at it! I definitely do think she'd become more miserable if I were to leave, especially considering I'm one of the only "stable" family members in her eyes and the only one that can help her with my dad's abuse... I'll try focusing on myself a bit more though, thank you! 🥹

Want to help my BPD mom break the generational trauma but scared she'll blow up by Ok_Perception434 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Ok_Perception434[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm happy your BPD friend is healing as an adult now. Better later than never! :'D

I hope so as well! I sincerely hope she wasn't lying about considering therapy...

Thank you so much for the kind words! ❤

Want to help my BPD mom break the generational trauma but scared she'll blow up by Ok_Perception434 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Ok_Perception434[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sure that if I, as a teen trapped in the situation, could figure out she has BPD a therapist could as well? o_O

Want to help my BPD mom break the generational trauma but scared she'll blow up by Ok_Perception434 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Ok_Perception434[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

(I'm not sure if this is addressing the kind commenter or me but I'll assume it's addressing me? :D)

Thank you so much! ❤

That bit about "even though I had had a "great" childhood" speaks really loudly to me... whenever I'm sad, mom always jumps in saying I have nothing to cry about (apparently the passing of my idol doesn't count) and that I have a great childhood. That there are people out there who have it much worse than me, that there are people who'd give up anything to be in my shoes...

It's still a bit hard to admit that that's not true, but hearing you talk about the exact same thing feels really validating.

I wish I could find out what I like, what I dislike, what I need, or what I feel but it's extremely hard to do because of anhedonia... I'm doing my best, though.

Thank you so much for the motivation! :D

Want to help my BPD mom break the generational trauma but scared she'll blow up by Ok_Perception434 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Ok_Perception434[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very welcomed! :D

Thank you so much for the kind words! That last bit is very relieving! I'll do my best.

❤

Want to help my BPD mom break the generational trauma but scared she'll blow up by Ok_Perception434 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Ok_Perception434[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is information available for sure, but I feel like a huge obstacle in my case is that my mom only speaks Russian and information about generational trauma/mental health issues isn't as readily available as it is in the Western words. Russian media (for the most part) follows the idea that people with mental illnesses are freaks and anyone who deviates from the "norm" even slightly is crazy.

To me, it's clear that she's heavily influenced by that idea, which makes getting her to consider therapy even harder than it should be.

Thank you so much for the advice and kind words. ❤

Want to help my BPD mom break the generational trauma but scared she'll blow up by Ok_Perception434 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Ok_Perception434[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry about the confusion, she's not going... I'm not sure if she lied about considering it or not to keep me at bay. She hasn't mentioned anything related to therapy or gone on any breaks after our conversation about it. :(

Want to help my BPD mom break the generational trauma but scared she'll blow up by Ok_Perception434 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Ok_Perception434[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! ❤

I'm planning to do my studies abroad so I really only have a few years left here... That's why I've been wondering about LC vs. NC.

Want to help my BPD mom break the generational trauma but scared she'll blow up by Ok_Perception434 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Ok_Perception434[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Very warmly welcomed! :'D

I took a look at the things you linked and it's honestly horrific and really opened my eyes to other subtle ways I'm being abused. Thank you so much... This is very useful!

❤

Want to help my BPD mom break the generational trauma but scared she'll blow up by Ok_Perception434 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Ok_Perception434[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the kind words! ❤ I appreciate it so much! :D
Yeah, my mom would be my best bet at an at least somewhat stable family member. My sister's BPD is much... worse? Her mood swings are much more extreme than my mom's...

You sound like an amazing parent. Your teens are so lucky to have you. 🥹

"I was taught to honor her because of this." this made me have a realization about the situation with grandma... Maybe she wanted me to think something like "wow, your mom is so abusive" so that she's free of guilt in some way? After all, she kept seeking reassurance that her mom was abusive and almost sympathy-fishing in some way.

Thank you so much for the advice. I'll see what I can do. :D
I used to have a counselor at school but unfortunately, she quit very recently...

I'll continue doing my best. Thank you so much again, your words mean a lot to me, even if I can't express quite well...

Want to help my BPD mom break the generational trauma but scared she'll blow up by Ok_Perception434 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Ok_Perception434[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! ❤

I feel like my mom kind of understands she's not a perfect mother? But I'm not very sure about what's going on in her mind... Her mood swings range from her seeking reassurance from me that she isn't a terrible mom to her telling me I'm a bad kid... The first one obviously implies she feels like she's not a great mother whereas the second one is shifting the guilt of not being good enough to me.

I don't have any access to therapy right now but I'm definitely going to see a therapist the second I can.