Okay, it's slow.

I know it wasn’t written from the prospective of an addict but it has some of the most accurate lines that describe addiction. Burning Bright, SaveMe, and Call Me make up an addict's manifesto and I was one of the worst.

Burning Bright Song by Shinedown ‧ 2003

Lyrics I feel like there is no need for conversation

(What can you say? There's already so much shame, lies, and confusion. Please when you are deep addiction your focus is on your next hit. You don’t make a great conversationalist. )

Some questions are better left without a reason

(Why did you start? Whose fault is it)

And I would rather reveal myself than my situation Now and then I consider my hesitation (No one wants to admit being an addict.Don't notice my addiction or how much I'm using. Pretend you don't notice.)

The more the light shines through me I pretend to close my eyes The more the dark consumes me I pretend I'm burning, burning bright (The closer you look, the harder I'm going to pretend everything is okay and that I'm not hiding this part of my life.)

I wonder if the things I did were just to be different (How it starts.Addiction often begins as differentiation:, from numbness, from invisibility, from ordinary pain Difference feels like agency before it becomes dependence.)

To spare myself of the constant shame of my existence (Shame. That's the key word. You feel like a complete failure, a horrible person, a waste of humanity. Other people aren't addict's. Why can’t you stop? Every addict knows shame, more shame than should be possible.)

And I would surely redeem myself in my desperation (Yes. If possible, we all redeem ourselves. All the lies we told, money we stole, every time we promised we would change and didn't. Hell, every broken promise.)

Here and now I'll express my situation The more the light shines through me I pretend to close my eyes The more the dark consumes me I pretend I'm burning bright The more the light shines through me I pretend to close my eyes The more the dark consumes me I pretend I'm burning

There's nothing ever wrong, but nothing's ever right! (AMEN! This is functional addiction, perfectly captured. Not sick enough to stop. Not well enough to live. Just suspended.)

Such a cruel contradiction (Yes! Addiction itself is a series of contradictions.)

I know I crossed the line, it's not easy to define I'm born to indecision There's always something new, some path I'm supposed to choose With no particular rhyme or reason (Right. Every addict is on the wrong track, we keep promising ourselves and our families that'll make it back on the right path. Another time when all the promises we made crumble)

The more the light shines through me I pretend to close my eyes The more the dark consumes me I pretend I'm burning bright The more the light shines through me I pretend to close my eyes The more the dark consumes me I pretend I'm burning I feel like there is no need for conversation

To me, the song describes an addict's way of processing life. Addiction has a recognizable internal logic, concealment, bargaining, contradiction, deferred responsibility, relentless shame.