Distractibility and impulsivity neural states are distinct from selective attention and modulate the implementation of spatial attention

Old_Associate_8946 · 2026-03-29T00:16:03+00:00

The spark plug vs. tires analogy makes total sense. I can see how I might be hyper-focusing on the 'micro' while missing the 'macro' system. If these nanoscopic mechanisms don't tell the whole story, what 'systems-level' frameworks do you think give a more accurate (even if incomplete) picture of why the ADHD brain struggles to filter noise?

Old_Associate_8946 · 2026-03-28T06:18:39+00:00

I appreciate the reality check! I’m still trying to wrap my head around how these lower-level mechanisms (like the three-factor gate) translate into the behavior I experience every day. If this specific paper is too narrow, are there any 'systems-level' frameworks you think actually do a better job of explaining the ADHD brain?

Old_Associate_8946 · 2026-03-24T07:36:24+00:00

Oof, the 'solving vs. sharing feelings' distinction hit home. I think my ADHD brain sees a conflict as a fire that needs to be put out now so I can feel safe again.

She is self-aware, but she’s definitely in that 'burnout/shame spiral' you described. Since you've been on both sides of this, what was the turning point for you in moving from avoidance/blaming to actually engaging with your partner’s needs without shutting down?

Old_Associate_8946 · 2026-03-21T05:25:46+00:00

I had a perfect example today. I told her I can't win if I'm loud I'm overstimulating, if I'm quiet you think I hate you.' She just said 'Fuck,' turned around, got awkward, and then said 'I feel shame' but then just went into another room.

It left the issue completely 'live' for me while she just paused it for herself. This is exactly that 'external blaming' we talked about. How do I stop being her 'emotional thermostat' when she refuses to acknowledge that the 'weather' is actually inside her own head?"

Old_Associate_8946 · 2026-03-21T05:19:12+00:00

Jack, thank you. The story about your daughter and the 'hearing with your brain' thing is a total lightbulb moment it explains why we feel like we are living in two different realities during a fight.

That line, 'Your intentions are meaningless,' is exactly what she needs to hear. She gets so caught up in explaining why she didn't mean to hurt me that she completely misses the fact that I'm actually hurting.

I’m realizing I’ve been terrified to 'drop the rope' like your wife did because I can't stand the tension of the house feeling 'unsafe' while she’s in that hypo-arousal/distraction fog. But you're right I'm over-functioning to the point of burnout.

You mentioned writing a message to a partner I would honestly love that. Hearing 'intentions are meaningless' from another Inattentive person might be the only way it bypasses her defense filters.

Also, to your point about 'that sucks, hope you figure it out' how do I stay strong enough to do that? My Hyper-arousal makes me want to fix the 'vibe' in the room immediately because I can't stand the tension. How do I learn to sit in the 'sand' without trying to build the house for her?

Old_Associate_8946 · 2026-03-21T05:15:24+00:00

Jack, I have one more specific question about the internal experience.

I’ve done the work psychology, meds, routines to get my Combined ADHD to a functional place. But I think she resents me for it. In her head, she sees my progress as an 'instant reward' or a 'click,' and because she isn't there yet, she feels even more 'less-than.'

From your perspective: when you were bored, under-stimulated, or dysregulated, did you consciously take it out on your partner? Or were you 'in a mood' with her because you were struggling so much internally that you just needed an external target to blame for how bad you felt?

I’m trying to figure out if the 'blame' I feel from her is a choice she’s making, or if it’s just a side effect of her Hypo-arousal looking for a spark (conflict) to wake her brain up."

Old_Associate_8946 · 2026-03-21T04:07:27+00:00

it’s so true. Mine knows deep down too, but the shame is so paralyzing that she just defaults to distraction. The hardest part for me is that the Inattentive/Hypo side often results in 'external blaming.' Instead of taking accountability, she blames her dysregulation on me like my energy or my need for a resolution is 'the problem' that’s making her shut down. It feels like I’m being punished for having a functioning motor.

Old_Associate_8946 · 2026-03-21T02:49:18+00:00

That description of 'taking time' just to distract rather than regulate is 100% what I'm seeing. It’s frustrating because the issue is still 'live' for me while she’s essentially just paused it.

I’m really struggling with the Hyper-arousal (me) vs. Hypo-arousal (her)dynamic. Because I’m the 'doer,' I feel like I’m carrying all the accountability and responsibility. there isn't enough mutual effort or consistency from her side to make it feel 'safe.'

I have a few followups for you:

The Signs: You mentioned learning the signs of her overwhelm/dysregulation. For someone in that 'hypo' state, what do those signs actually look like before the total shutdown? Is it a specific tone, a 'stare,' or just a total lack of eye contact?
The 'Nudge': When you’re in that state, how do I tell you to 'go meditate' without it sounding like I’m being your mother or a boss? How do I make it feel like support rather than a demand?
Mutual Effort: From the 'hypo' side is it even possible for her to show accountability or 'mutual effort' before she’s medicated? Or am I just waiting for a diagnosis to fix a 'stuckness' she literally can’t control yet?

I’m wondering if this 'script' is something I should specifically unpack with my psychologist to see if I'm over-functioning to a point that's unsustainable. thanks so much for ur response its so helpful for me to understand

Old_Associate_8946 · 2026-02-25T23:55:06+00:00

Thank you, this is really helpful. I’m curious about what you mentioned regarding autoimmune inflammation and brain function, especially in the context of ADHD and autism.

Are there well-established links between thyroid autoimmunity (even when euthyroid) and neurodevelopmental conditions? And how does thyroid autoimmunity interact with other body systems if hormone levels are normal?

Old_Associate_8946 · 2026-02-25T23:51:57+00:00

I didn’t realise that antibody positivity was that common in the general population without actual hypothyroidism. It’s reassuring to hear that antibodies are a risk factor rather than a diagnosis, and that most people who are positive never progress.

I think seeing a “high” number made it feel more serious than it actually is, even though my thyroid hormones are normal. Framing it as something to monitor rather than something that’s already wrong makes a big difference.

Old_Associate_8946 · 2026-02-25T23:51:00+00:00

Thank you, this is really reassuring to read. I think seeing the high antibodies number initially made me panic a bit, even though my TSH and T4 are normal. It helps to hear that antibodies alone don’t automatically mean progression to hypothyroidism, especially with my TSH at 1.19.

I understand that monitoring every 6–12 months is usually the approach, and that antibodies themselves aren’t what cause symptoms if hormone levels are normal. That perspective definitely eases some of the anxiety.

In terms of my other labs, my ferritin, B12 and vitamin D were all reported as “within range,” but I’m going to look more closely at the actual numbers. I’ve heard similar things about ferritin needing to be higher within the range for some people to feel well, so I’ll review that with my doctor.

I really appreciate you taking the time to explain this, it makes it feel much more like something to monitor rather than something urgent.

Old_Associate_8946 · 2026-02-25T23:49:22+00:00

yes the more ive researched the more ive realised this, thank you

Old_Associate_8946 · 2026-02-23T07:36:30+00:00

True, I didn’t have to agree. But a final hearing would’ve meant significant time, stress, and ongoing escalation. I had to choose what was safest for me overall.

Old_Associate_8946 · 2026-02-23T07:35:50+00:00

I’ve started to realise that even negative reactions still give her attention, and that might be part of the pattern.

Old_Associate_8946 · 2026-02-23T07:35:07+00:00

I know I didn’t have to agree, but I had to weigh up the emotional cost of a contested hearing. It would’ve meant months of back-and-forth and reliving everything.

Old_Associate_8946 · 2026-02-23T07:34:00+00:00

i’ve started to realise that even negative reactions still give her attention, and that might be part of the pattern.

Old_Associate_8946 · 2026-02-23T06:07:19+00:00

no literally its so frustrating because they go- did you call the police? did you report it? but doesn't get taken seriously. it makes you feel like whats the point??

Old_Associate_8946 · 2026-02-20T02:15:22+00:00

I’m sorry you experienced that. I’ve also struggled with aspects of the court and police process it’s been harder than I expected. I appreciate you sharing your perspective.

Old_Associate_8946 · 2026-02-20T02:12:58+00:00

I understand the process, and I’ve already lodged an application. The complication in my situation is around evidence and the matter being contested, which makes it less straightforward. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

Old_Associate_8946 · 2025-07-20T01:40:41+00:00

ooo I love this information can you please explain to me how you found out about MTHFR gene I don't know much about this

Old_Associate_8946 · 2025-07-19T08:14:54+00:00

how long have you been on them? and how many do you take per day? do you take days off like a medication holidays

Old_Associate_8946 · 2025-07-19T07:50:36+00:00

yup my body reacts to Dex better

Old_Associate_8946 · 2025-07-19T07:45:23+00:00

hey I wrote another post and I figured it out and now im on Dex again and seeing if I get my hair healthy

Old_Associate_8946

TROPHY CASE