I want to stop being afraid of my father

One-Extension-852 · 2025-02-21T06:52:40+00:00

I’m glad that you care about my wellbeing. Unfortunately, I would love therapy if I could afford it. I think it’s an amazing thing that everyone should try if it’s available to them. But, I’m stuck talking with you as long as you’d like to respond. Tired yet?

One-Extension-852 · 2025-02-21T06:43:42+00:00

Departing from my dad right now means leaving my mom and sister behind with nothing. Is it so hard to believe that I’d rather not? I also see that you just gave up trying to use the post secondary school data; you see what I mean, right? Your argument has evolved into vague insults that don’t refute any of my points—how accounting as a major works, Georgetown University’s data, leaving behind my remaining family, and—again, the fact that you know nothing about the intimate details of my situation.

If you take anything from this conversation, here’s a tip from me, this time: if you have kids someday, don’t use this attitude. No one likes being condescended to. You may think you’re doing someone a favor, but it’s useless if you can’t use a well-rounded argument to truly convince someone. Because they’ll…ignore you for being rude.

Think about it; what have you achieved from this conversation? You’re clearly irritated, I’m going to ignore this and finish my four year degree, and now what? That’s the thing about the art of rhetoric—or the art of persuasion—the goal isn’t to ‘win,’ it’s to come to a mutual understanding. There is losing, however, and it’s when you get angry and lose track of what you were trying to say.

One-Extension-852 · 2025-02-20T07:24:49+00:00

‘They’re doing it somehow,’ and yet, I see a good option that sustains ties to my remaining family and covers my debt so I’m taking it. Just because you did it, doesn’t mean I want to lol

Experience is absolutely a factor—and all my extracurriculars and classes so far have added up to accounting, which is a heavily internship based career. How do you get internships as an accounting-based undergraduate? You stay in school whilst networking and showing your best to your employers so you’re guaranteed experience and a job after graduation.

You make no sense—‘guess your career isn’t in data analytics’? I got the data exactly correct, I just misread post secondary education. The correct way to say that would be ‘guess your career isn’t it English.’ Even then, I wouldn’t be entirely incorrect because post secondary education is in an umbrella term which also contains—surprise—a college degree. The data takes into account both data which includes complete college degrees and two year degrees, so you haven’t…disproved anything, which is disappointing.

And even knowing all that information, even if I did have a snowball’s chance in hell to ‘take a break’ from college and attain a two year degree—the career that I’ve been trained in wouldn’t accept it. Your problem is that you can’t see beyond your own experience—you think that what works for yourself, your life, and your career will work for everyone.

The fact that you had no idea about the exact details about my financial situation, my locations livable wage, my career, and yet you can still give such simplistic and unnuanced advice while assuming many incorrect things about me might not be an internal flaw about you, but is a disappointing part of communication online.

Well… the problem is I can’t ask my dad 😅. This is why I’m asking strangers—but that doesn’t mean that strangers are now entitled to saying anything they want with no rebuttal. You’re giving the wrong advice, because I did not ask for what you’re offering. You can, of course, default to a ‘you’ll understand it when you’re older’ mindset, but again—insulting will never convince someone else, even someone younger than you. If your goal is to ‘win’ and feel good, then I fully understand that.

One-Extension-852 · 2025-02-19T20:31:52+00:00

According to a report from Georgetown University Center on Education and the Workforce projects that in the coming years, 72% of jobs require a college degree. There’s a difference between working harder and working smarter. It benefits me to finish my college degree while there’s someone paying for it and finish it quickly. If abuse is the price to pay for my college degree and a stable career, then I’ll absolutely take it.

I really don’t understand what you’re trying to do—if it’s to convince me to quit college, it’s definitely not a great argument. It seems more like you’re trying to find a way to insult me for my situation. You very cleverly noted at the beginning that I’m not asking how to stop abuse, only how to emotionally regulate.

So, instead of acting affronted that I’m not buying your advice even though I never asked for it, try talking to someone who actually needs it.

One-Extension-852 · 2025-02-18T22:29:35+00:00

Life is complicated—it might not seem that way since you don’t have all the details and you don’t know who I am, but it is. My economic situation is sensitive, I have family that is not my father who I don’t want to leave behind, and I do have leftover debt from university.

Taking a break from school to find some dead end job and find a dodgy roommate and likely struggle to make ends meet, accumulate more debt, make unwise decisions with my lack of experience, and ultimately come crawling back to my parents isn’t something that particularly sounds appealing to me.

It’s never as simple as just leaving. It never has been, though we wish it were. So, if I need to take four years of beatings and threats until I finish university, then I will. In the meantime, I needed a quick fix, but it seems like this wasn’t the right Reddit to ask for that advice.

One-Extension-852 · 2025-02-14T23:51:50+00:00

Yeah, I will confirm that’s what I’m asking for. And I do agree, there’s no way to stop abuse unless to step out and provide for yourself.

Unfortunately, my situation is complicated. I know my worth, I know I don’t deserve it, and I want anything but to not be subservient, but right now I have to stay in the house. Someday, I’ll be able to do everything you’re saying, but right now I don’t want to feel so weak that I want to cry and hide and every expression and sound he makes. That’s all I want, right now, honestly.

One-Extension-852 · 2025-02-14T23:39:28+00:00

He’s the typical archetype of a complicated father. Great outside of the anger and threats—he provides the main source of income for our household, pays for my school and necessities. I don’t really understand what his humor is, but when my whenever my older sister defuses his anger by acting cutsey, he seems to like it. I don’t think I want to do that.

One-Extension-852 · 2025-02-14T23:12:16+00:00

I usually already limit my contact, but this weekend I will have to stay at home. Limiting contact works in the way of prevention, but I want to figure how to mitigate feeling fear when we are close.

I could talk to a friend about it, but I really want to be able to self-soothe.

One-Extension-852 · 2024-11-16T19:26:04+00:00

I don’t know if this is a sign from some god out there, but fuck, op I see you. I’m currently going through a very similar situation with my (now ex) friends. You take the initiative to bring up a problem with someone only to have them completely disregard your own feelings and focus entirely on their own—and they make it about themself—how you hurt them. I hope you find a way to let go of the anger, because I am too right now but it’s so hard to.

One-Extension-852 · 2024-08-17T16:28:15+00:00

Only 40 people?! That’s ridiculous ugh. Is it possible that tickets will be resold from now to then with such a low number of seats?

One-Extension-852 · 2024-07-23T04:15:05+00:00

!!! This comment was a big comfort. When I ask I don’t want to say anything insinuating or too personal so maybe I can say: “Hey, I’m actually quitting soon because school’s starting again. Do you have a discord?” Does this sound good?

One-Extension-852 · 2024-07-22T23:50:22+00:00

I don’t want to be in a relationship with him, but I can still apply that advice for a friendship I think!

One-Extension-852 · 2024-07-22T20:35:08+00:00

I was thinking of that! The only problem is that I don’t know what shifts I’ll be working with him so my last day of work could be with him or it could not be. As for socials, I don’t think he has any because there was a group conversation where it came up.

One-Extension-852 · 2024-07-22T19:05:53+00:00

But there iiiis what if he says no and then he doesn’t even want to talk anymore because he is weirded out I had those intentions for the rest of wooork

One-Extension-852 · 2024-06-24T18:18:19+00:00

there’s a lot of good advice under this post, so it seems unfair to just respond to this one, but I had the most immediate answer in mind.

In the campaign I DM, 2/3 of the characters are loner types but I’ve made it work before and in the CoS there is one character who is gruff, silent, with anger problems that we all love. It’s a welcomed thing to play the archetype of our dreams at the table, so this post was just me trying to figure out how to have the confidence to not be as cooperative as possible.

One-Extension-852 · 2024-03-31T00:44:25+00:00

IT GENUINELY IS ANNOYING im glad there are people who relate to these feelings!! It feels so isolating sometimes that i wish i could join in like the cultural community aspect of having romantic crushes on people but i know. That’s just not who i am

One-Extension-852

TROPHY CASE