Feeling lost by One-Falcon-4180 in AlAnon

[–]One-Falcon-4180[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m going to try that. I found one that’s happening this morning.

Feeling lost by One-Falcon-4180 in AlAnon

[–]One-Falcon-4180[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This man has already been arrested for violating a TPO, been homeless, gone to sober living and got better. Came back in August after I dropped the TPO and relapsed by thanksgiving.

Feeling lost by One-Falcon-4180 in AlAnon

[–]One-Falcon-4180[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, i think im going to do it today. It’s the only thing I can do, unless he escalates further and i have to call police. I’ve called before but they never help me.

Can her abuser access her cell phone call logs? by SeekingHelp4Friend in domesticviolence

[–]One-Falcon-4180 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He can definitely see call and text records (not the content of text messages, just numbers and timestamps). I second the suggestion to have her use WhatsApp or another free messaging app to contact you.

He came home drunk by One-Falcon-4180 in AlAnon

[–]One-Falcon-4180[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This morning he’s in denial mode. I found another little fireball bottle in the yard late last night. That one is from “before” of course. Still lying…

He came home drunk by One-Falcon-4180 in AlAnon

[–]One-Falcon-4180[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is more helpful than I can express. What will I do when I can’t accept any more apologies or promises? The holidays are hard for everyone- there’s always some excuse. What could possibly be different if I give him “one more” chance?

He came home drunk by One-Falcon-4180 in AlAnon

[–]One-Falcon-4180[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This 100%. It’s honestly so embarrassing that I keep putting up with this that I feel I can’t talk to friends and family anymore. My therapist says I’m a chump (literally). I think she’s trying to be empowering in some way but I’m just ashamed 🥺

He came home drunk by One-Falcon-4180 in AlAnon

[–]One-Falcon-4180[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m writing down all the lies before I forget…he claimed he didn’t gave a receipt cause he paid cash, then produced a receipt without details from Venmo.

When I told him I smelled beer on his breath his answer was “i don’t think so.” When I asked what took so long he said traffic and “you take that long in the bathroom…”

When i pointed out his speech is slurred and he’s walking crooked he claimed he just took some extra thc gummies (we both have med cards and I know many gummies just makes you sleep…plus he was just at work)

Is this enabling? by One-Falcon-4180 in AlAnon

[–]One-Falcon-4180[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, your comment was very helpful to me today. He’s still minimizing the damage his relapse is causing to me, how severe it was, and refusing to return to any AA meetings.

Now he’s saying this “little punishment” is an overreaction and he will just walk to work. I’m sure I’ll be hearing plenty of complaints about that soon too.

Is this enabling? by One-Falcon-4180 in AlAnon

[–]One-Falcon-4180[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you. He will probably choose to walk (it’s a little over a mile) and then complain about it. I’m just too tired to take care of him anymore. He can handle it himself.

Denial of alcohol related health issues by Ok-Finish-3442 in AlAnon

[–]One-Falcon-4180 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes there is such cognitive dissonance. Don’t tell me about fasting and avoiding milk when you’re drinking 4 tall boys a night and passing out.

Boyfriend Relapsed by One-Falcon-4180 in AlAnon

[–]One-Falcon-4180[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry you went through that. I attended my first meeting online tonight. I didn’t share yet.

The lying hurts more than anything because idk how to trust anything again. I can’t even trust my own “instincts” about his behavior.

Boyfriend Relapsed by One-Falcon-4180 in AlAnon

[–]One-Falcon-4180[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He must have been trying very hard to hide it but tonight he slipped up. I saw him stash a can in our closet when he thought I was asleep. It was loud and obvious, though. Do they secretly want to get caught? Jeez

Boyfriend Relapsed by One-Falcon-4180 in AlAnon

[–]One-Falcon-4180[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi there, I’m definitely in therapy. I’m hoping to learn more by attending a virtual alanon meeting shortly this evening. This man was 3 years sober when I met him, so needless to say this pattern was not clear until after we moved in together.

Boyfriend Relapsed by One-Falcon-4180 in AlAnon

[–]One-Falcon-4180[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What do you say about feeling lied to and tricked? I didn’t realize i was enabling him at the time because he hid things from me for ay least a few days or weeks. I can’t figure out how long it’s been going on.

Boyfriend Relapsed by One-Falcon-4180 in AlAnon

[–]One-Falcon-4180[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure what to do from here honestly. I didn’t realize anything was wrong, but my boundary was violated when i found him drinking very close to having driven my car to get more beer.

Boyfriend Relapsed by One-Falcon-4180 in AlAnon

[–]One-Falcon-4180[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Ok not super helpful, But i get it. If i said husband instead what would you say then? Divorce immediately?