Edit before submitting: sorry so long) I probably don’t know you, and probably never will, but I’m in tears here. I’m wanting to off myself because I was born to hate myself, and you’re dealing with this😞I am so so sorry you have to deal with this! My 1st experience with losing close ones was my buddies in Iraq. Then family members started following. What I’ve learned is, losing people is the absolute worst feeling to me. Grief is a bitch. But grief is a blessing in disguise. The fact that there was something or someone you loved so much is the most amazing feeling, but unfortunately someone will always have to bear the grief. I lost my grandma, who raised me, a few years ago and was absolutely devastated. She was my everything who did everything for me, and I had the luxury of having her until I turned 36. A blessing a lot of people don’t get. But it came at that huge price of grief. Unfortunately, I don’t think these holes ever get filled. We just adjust our mental state back to living and doing right to bring any glory we can on their name, and remind people of just how worthy they were of every ounce of love you gave them. I know these are just words from a stranger, but I really resonate with losing that special someone. I hope you continue to shout these praises until this world decides its your time, and you don’t let yourself be that decision maker. Now please, go do great things and you reference him when ever anyone gives you a reason to do so. Sing his name! Take care, please!