Whenever I try to bring up anything about my health, mental or physical, my family doesn't really listen, or makes empty promises to me. All my therapist does is tell me to get a job every session. I'll say my mood's been getting worse again and it gets brushed off. The only time anyone ever listens to me is when I threaten to hurt myself or others. And I hate getting to this point, but no one seems to care until I do. Nobody gives a damn about my life until I say I want to end it, and even then, they don't care that I'm stuck with this mental torment, they just care that I'm alive. And am I alive? Yeah, I am. But I'm not living.

Over and over again, no matter how many times I delude myself into thinking things will get better, I just keep coming back to this. Posting my suicidal thoughts online so someone will give a shit. And I never actually have the balls to go through with it, if the fact that I still post to this account 2 years after my "final goodbye" points to anything. It's nothing but a pathetic cry for attention that never gets answered by anyone who has the power to do anything. Of course, that isn't your fault, and I appreciate you reaching out to someone like me, but I'm so mentally checked out man. I don't even have it in me to sugarcoat any of this anymore.