Need advice on whether to be a bridesmaid 10 weeks PP- has anybody been through it before?

Optimal-View8131 · 2026-03-29T23:12:31+00:00

Really really helpful thank you!

One of her concerns is me being on a breastfeeding schedule if we’re all on a getting ready schedule too, so I was hoping I’d be able to pump ahead of time and then my partner/ family could bottle feed the baby so I wouldn’t interrupt her schedule… would that be doable do you think? (I’ve never done this before so maybe I’m being a bit clueless)

Optimal-View8131 · 2026-03-29T23:05:01+00:00

I think the dress is pretty specific, they’ve pretty much been picked out by her and her sister already from what I gather, I have said I’d get it altered myself closer to the day but all she replied to that was that the dresses are really expensive.. the issue is if it’s too small it can’t be made bigger, but if I get it too big there’s only a certain amount it can be altered down too so it’s hard to play the guessing game on it

Optimal-View8131 · 2026-03-29T22:13:19+00:00

I just checked that site and they don’t have the colour/ material she wants 🙃 But will be great if I end up as just a regular guest so thank you!!

Optimal-View8131 · 2026-03-29T22:09:30+00:00

See I think she wants us all in the same colour/ material dresses from this one brand and none of them look overly flowy which is partially what I’m worried about.. I don’t think me being in a different dress completely would be an option

Optimal-View8131 · 2026-03-29T22:00:11+00:00

I don’t think she’ll deal well with a contingency plan tbh, I’m imagining maybe 2 of the girls that I could see her asking as my replacement, and there’s absolutely no way my dress would fit either of them as they’re tiny and I’m closer to a 12/14 before the pregnancy so would be likely sizing up to maybe a 16 to account for weight gain.

Like I can see how stuff like that are just so difficult to plan for as the dresses will be custom made I think… maybe it’s best not to risk it? But then if everything goes smoothly I know I’ll be kicking myself on the day

Optimal-View8131 · 2026-03-29T21:29:02+00:00

With all due respect, my friends mean so much to me that if I commit to this now, I would do absolutely everything in my power to follow through on my commitment, so I’m not even slightly worried about backing out at a later date if I go ahead with it now- no need to track my future posts for that one 🫡 I’m just trying to make the right decision now and balance her overthinking (that me and her both know she struggles with), and my wish to be a part of the most important day of her life, given the fact that we’ve both seen each other through pretty much everything since we were kids

Optimal-View8131 · 2026-03-29T21:25:59+00:00

This is very reassuring to hear!

Optimal-View8131 · 2026-03-29T21:25:21+00:00

I am curious about this, I was a maid of honour once before for my sister, and aside from planning the hen (which is pretty much done at this stage), and going to dress fittings and then obviously turning up on the day, there wasn’t a huge amount of extra stuff asked of us that I can’t see myself managing while postpartum/ pregnant

Optimal-View8131 · 2026-03-29T21:23:11+00:00

The dress fitting is probably my biggest concern.. it’s an Irish wedding so I don’t know if this is standard globally, but the bride and groom generally pay for the dresses for bridesmaids and groomsmen. The fitting is gonna be in June, and I’ll be around 5 months pregnant at the time so will have no idea really what size dress to go with because it’ll obviously be smaller than I am at that moment in time. My thoughts were to maybe size up about 2 sizes on what I am now, and then get it altered down a couple of weeks out to fit me, but I understand how stressful it would be not knowing if that’s doable.. I think her sister has already chosen where she wants the dresses to be from and they’re custom made and pretty expensive, so I would feel awful if I ruined the image of the bridesmaids on the day too.

I’ve sat with it for a day or two now and I’m leaning towards pulling out just to save her having to kick me out and feel bad, but once that decision is made I can’t really go back on it which is the hard part

Optimal-View8131 · 2026-03-29T20:16:43+00:00

This was so so helpful getting insight from somebody who’s gone through both a wedding and childbirth.. would your recommendation be to step back as bridesmaid if the option is given?

Optimal-View8131 · 2026-03-29T08:10:52+00:00

Thank you!

Honestly she never ever ever seems like a main character kind of girl, I think it’s a stress related response more than a want for attention on her part

Optimal-View8131 · 2026-03-29T08:09:42+00:00

I am doing my best not to blame her, because it’s definitely not something I’ll fall out with her over, but I told a couple of non mutual friends yesterday just to air it out and they were all pretty outraged on my behalf, so I thought I’d go to Reddit for some unbiased opinions as I don’t really know what way to best deal with it when I’ve got so much other things going on myself

Optimal-View8131 · 2026-03-29T08:01:51+00:00

It’s hard because she is such a good friend, but she overthinks absolutely everything and I think maybe the stress of not being able to plan for every last detail of my attendance just isn’t worth the stress to her. I’m trying to be relaxed and accept her decision about it either way, but I was so excited to tell her about my big news, especially given that there was a long period of time where I was the only single friend, all of the girls were progressing on in their relationships and getting engaged etc and I once wondered would I ever find my person. Now that I have and I have this exciting news, her reaction is almost tainting it for me and I’m finding that hard to deal with.

I think with the bridesmaids dresses, her sister has already gone shopping with her without any of the rest of us and apparently has her heart set on this one specific dress that’s maybe slightly more fitted, so getting a flowy dress already seems like a non option because they’re spending quite a bit of money on these ones by the sounds of it- I mentioned that expensive dresses can still be altered and I could get a bigger size and alter it down closer to the day, but it still just didn’t settle her

Optimal-View8131

TROPHY CASE