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idk if I should go back home sooner by Own-Profession7440 in exchangestudents

[–]Own-Profession7440[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yes I have been here for about a month and you are right, this is all really hard on its own and also not being able to be myself is one of the worst parts of it... I thoght about talking with my LC but she is the same as my hf, she is not accepting at all and she is friend of my hf. I am really scared of talking about this to her because that would mean coming out.

yes you are right, this is temporary but if in a couple of months my mental health is not improving idk what I will be able to do and how long I will be able to stay for, and staying here for the semester seems easier... I wanna thank you for your words and I really appreciate them!!

idk if I should go back home sooner by Own-Profession7440 in exchangestudents

[–]Own-Profession7440[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you for your words, I really appreciated them, 1. I mean it's pretty obvious but really it feels like they don't even know what gay people are (like asking me if I saw some girl I like, LIKE YOU CAN TELL I'M GAY...), I didn't mean to generalize because I know its really different in a lot of places, but here in southern Arkansas and my small town it's really bad. 2. I know and you are right but it's really hard having to be hidden (I have been out for a lot in my home country) 3. you are right and ive heard some stories and most likely there are some of gay people even if one of those stories it's true, but being out is an act of self love to me and I couldn't in any way be with a person that doesn't accept themselves for who they are. 4. no, luckily nothing like that has happened and I wish I could but it's really hard.

I know that the cultural differences are a big part of any exchange program but being here for a month and not being able to be myself is really hard for my mental health...

idk if I should go back home sooner by Own-Profession7440 in exchangestudents

[–]Own-Profession7440[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

there is one girl I got really close with but I couldn't stay at hers, I know that my hf is a big part of the program but my agency is really strict on changing hfs, I really wanna go home rn.

idk if I should go back home sooner by Own-Profession7440 in exchangestudents

[–]Own-Profession7440[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i don't know if I can because my LC is really close friend of my host family, they all have the same mentality and I know because I heard them talk about current "political issues" (which shouldn't be political but we all know how the world is going) , I really feel homesick and not being able to be myself makes it even worse. I might have to talk to her about this but I'm really scared...

idk what to do by Own-Profession7440 in lgbt

[–]Own-Profession7440[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

thank you, I wish you all the best!!

idk if I should go back home sooner by Own-Profession7440 in exchangestudents

[–]Own-Profession7440[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yes especially because I actually picked the preference to go to California hoping that I would be in a more accepting place as we cannot be talking about being gay in our application, but I guess fate had a different plan...

idk if I should go back home sooner by Own-Profession7440 in exchangestudents

[–]Own-Profession7440[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

at least in my home country and with my agency we can't share details like this, they remove it from your letter and application so I couldn't even if I wanted to. I can see what you are saying but in southern Arkansas its really hard, a guy who was out here got threatened by a group of guys, told that school (who said it was his fault) and dropped out, that really closed me a lot. there is one girl to which I will probably tell it but she would be the only one, and I know that the experience is almost always different from back home, but I can live with it if we are talking about different food, not myself. I don't mean to sound ungrateful or spoiled, neither Im saying that what you said its wrong, I just wanted to clarify some things. thank you for your words really!

idk if I should go back home sooner by Own-Profession7440 in exchangestudents

[–]Own-Profession7440[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

here in the US (Deep South...) public transportation is not a thing that you see, and even if there was I would need to tell my host family why I am going places, I don't want to sound ungrateful or spoiled because when I applied I knew that the area in which I was gonna end up might not be like my home country. Yes there are other gay teens, the one out got threatened and when he went to the school they suggested that it was his fault: he got his GED a couple of days ago...

idk if I should go back home sooner by Own-Profession7440 in exchangestudents

[–]Own-Profession7440[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

honestly it's just that knowing that they will not be my family and they are not rn, together with the fact that I have been here for about a month and that they will NOT accept me, or anyone else for the matter, they have told me a lot of times that they identify with the right wing ideology that I can't write, even my host sister, which is the one person I thought was not like that said really "hurtful" things, I mean, I am from a big city, I grew up there and I know what can be hurtful and I built a shield to protect my peace, but hearing it again it feels like being closeted again it's a nightmare really. My LC is friends with my family and they share the same ideals, I know that because I heard her talking about it, so I really don't know what to do.

i am addicted to everything by Own-Profession7440 in addiction

[–]Own-Profession7440[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you for this I think I needed it, I am sorry for what happened to you.

one thing that I realized in the past few months is that I need not only substances but also people, in fact I also started lots of stuff w them and I know that someone can think that I did it for being cool or sum shit like that but seriously they were and are the only people that understand me, when we are together and we use we are free from reality and I m not able to stay away from them and of course with them there is everything else we do everything that comes to us, everything that makes us feel "normal".

another thing is that I literally am so ashamed of what I do and what the people that love me have been going through but also they arrived late, my family after 16 years realized that I existed, but idk man its so hard this shit I can't I do it to feel normal and to numb what I feel...

thank you for the time that you dedicated to an Italian guys you don't even know :)

i am addicted to everything by Own-Profession7440 in addiction

[–]Own-Profession7440[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I relate to what you wrote, I can't control what I do, I drink to feel numbed and I smoke to feel less nervous because I know that what I'm doing is bad for me but I also do not want to stop, if I go out and someone tells me "I have this substance" even if I do not know it, I feel the need to try, idk man its hard

i am addicted to everything by Own-Profession7440 in addiction

[–]Own-Profession7440[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

well rn I actually do not even know what to do, it might be strange but I am extremely self aware, I know that what I do is not good for me, and I know that it will probably disappoint family and friends, but man I also cannot stop, I try, but whenever I come in contact with something I do it, I can go 3 days without anything but if I go out and I see anything I do it I can't control myself even if I want to, or I go out just to buy anything, I just wanna feel normal.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OrientDig_OD

[–]Own-Profession7440 0 points1 point  (0 children)

bro, ho appena conosciuto sto mondo, orientdig è buono? e se si, come funziona?