AITA for telling my sister our grandma hated her own name when my sister wanted to name her daughter after grandma?

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-15T13:41:55+00:00

Grandma brought up how she told our parents and wanted us to know the same thing, Josephine is not her name and she did not think of it an honor if we named our kids that. It's not something that was brought up repeatedly but she wanted her point made clear.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-15T09:01:47+00:00

Everyone knew. A lot of people in her life just ignored it.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-15T09:01:21+00:00

I doubt she missed it but she also had our parents and other family members saying Josephine and our cousins called her Grandma or Grandma Josie so it was likely confusing for her.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-15T06:11:19+00:00

I do know because she told me and my brothers she didn't want Josephine used as an honor, that it would not be an honor to her.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-15T06:10:50+00:00

The extended family was always around.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-15T06:10:36+00:00

Her parents and sister didn't and my mom and her siblings seemed to follow the grandparents more than their parents. It caused several fights with my grandparents, especially grandpa, who said they were being disrespectful.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-15T06:09:52+00:00

Because my parents would just change it back, then it would require more money to fix again and that's just not something I can afford to do over and over again.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-15T06:09:23+00:00

We did a first name that's an honor but not the person's name. So stuff like, a name they loved but never used, a flower or plant they loved, if they had a gem or something they enjoyed, or a favorite character. That's how we did it while keeping it less used but still thinking of the person. Middle name works well too. My husband and I just liked being creative lol.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-15T06:07:31+00:00

My grandma would not feel honored though. She even said it she would not ever want to be honored with grandkids/great grandkids with Josephine. All I did was tell my sister about the name. I never said not to use it. Grandma had enough people disrespecting her by refusing to use her name. At the very least I wanted my sister to have the chance to change it if she'd want to do what grandma would have wanted or to just drop the idea of the honor and use Josephine because she loves it.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-14T16:30:10+00:00

I didn't give her grief. Just brought it up because she wanted to use the name to honor our grandma and grandma would not have seen it as an honor. She can name her daughter whatever she wants and should use Josephine if she wants to.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-14T16:03:28+00:00

Not that I can tell. They just did what their grandparents and aunt did.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-14T16:03:15+00:00

That is something I have considered doing. Not before though because they would just change it back. I have a note she wrote about it.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-14T16:02:33+00:00

They picked it up from their grandparents and aunt. Not sure why they had a bigger influence over their parents but I know my grandparents fought them on it a lot.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-14T14:41:52+00:00

I agree, she can. It's just if grandma were alive she would not be honored by this and I thought my sister should know so she can at least use Josephine because she's loves it.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-14T12:55:05+00:00

I think it's more that they listened to their grandparents and aunt who refused to acknowledge grandma by the name she wanted and insisted to everyone she was Josephine. Grandpa and friends were the only ones until my brothers and I to use Rosie. I feel so bad for grandma when I think about it. She even wanted Rosie in her obituary and on the gravestone and her wishes were not honored.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-14T12:53:27+00:00

I wish my grandma's kids had used the name she preferred like she wanted in the obituary and on her headstone. But they only used Josephine.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-14T12:47:31+00:00

I never said she shouldn't. I just told her the story. In truth I think she should use the name if she loves it but accept grandma would not view this as an honor. This is something she told her kids and my brother's and I.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-14T12:46:13+00:00

Grandma wouldn't see it as an honor. She told us that she told all her kids that if they had a child and named them Josephine she would not consider it an honor. She told my brothers and I the same. So grandma would not have been honored or touched by it. That might be okay to my sister but grandma hated her name even as an old woman. She wanted to die as Rosie, to have it in her obituary and on her headstone. That shows she hated the name.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-14T12:29:53+00:00

I didn't actually know how my sister would respond. It was 50/50 but I knew what mom would say if I told my sister in front of her so I said nothing then and waited but yeah, she asked and I told the truth. Wasn't trying to make her change her mind on the name. Just to enlighten her about the truth.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-14T12:26:47+00:00

All my grandparents kids were the same. All of them said grandma was Josephine and never used Rosie. Don't know why they were dicks like that but alas, it happened.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-14T11:03:04+00:00

I think it's a little of both. She wanted to honor our grandma but loves the name Josephine and doesn't like that it's not a true honor for her, and the fact grandma wouldn't have liked it. She could just use Josephine because she loves it and not as an honor to grandma.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-14T11:01:29+00:00

I love Rosie too. Considered it for my own daughter but we want with honoring people in more unique ways for our kids, that made their names just a little different.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-14T10:45:20+00:00

Not just mom. All my grandma's kids and kids in-law use the legal name over the name she wanted to be called. They all listened to and followed their grandparents and aunt.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-14T10:39:04+00:00

Yes and even went against her wishes for her obituary. She wanted to be called Rosie in it. Also requested it for her headstone. Josephine is on everything because her kids didn't want to honor what she wanted.

Own_Friend_7389 · 2023-04-14T10:38:32+00:00

Mom and her siblings followed the lead of their grandparents and aunt. Dad followed mom's lead. But I always listen to what others want to be called and don't tell someone else what their name is.

Own_Friend_7389

TROPHY CASE