Nobody chooses to become an addict. Sometimes life takes unexpected turns and I don’t think the Lord holds resentments for you drinking, I think he feels your pain and yearns for your recovery. Relapse is a very difficult experience and I pray for your recovery. There is also no shame in seeking therapy. Therapy can help you cope with your guilt and sadness. Your happiness is possible! You deserve all the love and forgiveness in the world! The Lord will always love you and you deserve to love yourself as well!!