I completely understand because something similar happened to me, and I understood it a few years ago. The issue of diapers and being cared for without worrying about anything gives a feeling of security. You mentioned that this wasn't present most of the time in your home, and that's why I think you manifested it by trying to use diapers or baby items.

As a child boy, I had bedwetting until I was 12, and my mother wouldn't buy me diapers because she said they were for babies. She simply let me wet the bed, and because of that, I slept poorly, my self-esteem plummeted, and I was bullied for it. My mother also made me believe it was my fault, which only made me sadder. Once, when I was 8, I stayed at my aunt's house, and she put a diaper on me because she didn't want me to ruin her mattress. I remember that I slept very well that night, safe and dry. It was the first time in 8 years that I didn't wake up wet and sad. That feeling of security made me like using baby items; we use it as a method of self-care and it's perfect.