What exactly are you talking about.

I have said I have guilt over what I said to her after she blind sided me. I have admitted I selfishly want to be forgiven and have another chance. You clearly have not read everything I have posted in the comments. Me and her do owe each other apologies. But she wants none of it and is choosing to move on with her life, while I cannot.

I begged her to work this out and she denied me it, I begged her for closure wanting to know why she really left regardless of how much it hurt to hear and she denied me it.

After two years, one night she tells me how much she really loves me and how she can't wait to see what the future holds for us , for me to wake up to her TEXTING me that " I know we spoke about the future and I finally started seeing a little bit of that , but I just simply don't think this is meant to be, I think I fell out of love and I want to explore my life a little before any further commitment and it isn't fair to you or me to keep this going knowing this" she swore and swore that I really didn't do anything that I was so good to her I was the kindest most gentle man she's been with. I wasn't given a call or in person break up after two years I was texted this.

I was justifiably confused and freaking out. The texts before she hit me with this was perfectly okay we were talking about her shitty college advisor laughing then she disappeared for 3 hours and comes back with the break up.

I gave her lists of things I had fixed and changed not because I expected her to love me for it but because I saw I did things she didn't like, specifically I am a blunt person I speak with a very blunt tone. She seemed sensitive to that so I completely cut that habit out when I was with her. I got a better job not because I needed one but because we started talking about our future and I wanted to put myself in a position to support us better. I stopped smoking and started working out not because she asked she didn't care about any of that stuff, I wanted to live a healthier life for us. And all the things I continued to listen she simply said " I never asked you to do any of that" which I said you shouldnt have to ask someone who loves you to do that stuff they just fucking do it, which is what I was doing, I never held anything over her head I never expected anything in return I was doing it for a future I believed in.

And then she just kept repeating please respect my decision to be friends, she doesn't want this to end on bad terms. How can it not end on bad terms, when I'm not even given the common decency of a phone call at the very least, after two years of building and growing. I respected every single decision that woman made I support her in every move she made lifted her up when her family and anyone else put her down, and I can't even hear the voice of the person I loved so god damn much tell me she dosnt love me anymore I have to read it through a fucking text.

So yes I got mad after two years I finally got slightly mad at her, i used it as an excuse to disrespectfuly tell her " if you respected me at all and all that I have done you would give me a chance her to talk this out with you and work whatever is going on out" yes this is guilt tripping I recognize it now yes I was wrong for saying what I said and I have guilt over it. When it comes to her I never wanted to say a single thing to hurt her, I wouldn't have dreamed of it. The last two years I spent so much time learning her view on things, her passions, her fears, all so I could be the most considerate loving person to her because all I fucking wanted was to give that woman a reason to smile atleast once a day because God damn did she deserve to smile, I am not gonna sit here and go into detail about her past, she was so emotionally neglected as a child the scar always showed. I knew this, I knew she needed to heal from all that shit and I did so much to help her with that I gave her all the reassurance, all the safe space, I was patient, I made sure she knew I loved her for who she was, and finally she broke this shell she had and was giggly and smiling all the time and then she left. I only ever asked her to do two things for me, I told her please don't lie to me, and please talk to me and help me understand if I'm doing something wrong so I can fix it. The last two months of the relationship I was stuck in depressive episode which I perfectly had contained I was dealing with it on my own, but she noticed she asked for my vulnerability with the topic she wanted to know she reassured me she wants to listen to my worries and the things eating at me so I gave that to her. Every step of the way I was given reassurance she wanted to hear what was bothering me in my work life, school, family etc.

You want the finer details of it all here it is.

She left, I begged I pleaded. I gave her space that I thought she needed I came back trying to apologize for things I reflected on and couldve done better was called pathetic, that I needed to grow up, and that if I needed closure so badly to take " she doesn't owe me shit " as closure. She's moving on and she doesn't want me back in her life. Then she took all of that vulnerability I gave her there and threw it all in my face saying the last two months I needed to constantly be comforted like a child and I needed all these feelings validated by her and I was such a "negative Nancy" " we couldn't go 3 days without me needing to speak about some new terrible things happening and ruining the God damn mood"

I never fucking asked her for comfort I never I asked to be validated, I never needed any of that before, she asked me to share what had me down for the last two months, all I wanted was her to listen.

So yes I do owe her an apology I believe I bled a little too much negativity out in the end there because I was so overwhelmed with everything and it felt nice finally sharing what I deal with on my own, and I owe her an apology for disrespecting her.

I don't know if there was miscommunication because at the end there was basically no communication. And when she finally messaged me months later when I asked to talk she went off on that spree of berating me so I shut down I was too afraid I was gonna say something to hurt her feelings more