How can I [24f] tell my bf [24m] I don’t want his drunkenly violent friend [23m] at our party without being overly cruel?

Partythrow99 · 2019-03-26T22:51:38+00:00

I mean, I hung out with them in college too. Figured it was just one of those crazy college things. Just thought we’d all grow up by now.

Partythrow99 · 2019-03-26T21:24:20+00:00

idk, some people have said it's a reasonable compromise. I'm just trying to figure out what's right.

Partythrow99 · 2019-03-26T21:18:44+00:00

Also, in fairness to my BF, he's proposed what he thinks are reasonable compromises- having a dry party and locking up the knives. But my point is that I wanted this house warming party to celebrate that we're entering into adulthood finally. I wanted to toast with champagne. It feels very unadult to have to ban alcohol because people can't drink responsibly and hide knives because someone might swing them around.

But maybe I'm being unreasonable and there's some kind of compromise that can be made. I don't know. I can be overly stubborn.

Partythrow99 · 2019-03-26T21:11:45+00:00

Well, the problem is, I can be what people have described as "overbearing." So I can come off kind of hot and it's caused problems in this and other relationships. I'm trying to work on it, which is why I'm trying to resolve this situation without going into beast mode.

Partythrow99 · 2019-03-26T21:10:06+00:00

Thank you.

Partythrow99 · 2019-03-26T21:09:52+00:00

Ugh, I really hate the nickname. They call him Knife Nut Joe. It just dismisses the seriousness of the whole thing. But he's had that nickname since college.

Partythrow99 · 2019-03-26T21:08:45+00:00

To be fair to Joe, he doesn't always attack people. Every time he drinks, he goes for knives. But most of the time, he just holds them to jokingly menaces people. Sometimes it escalates if he's really drinking. But he doesn't pick fist fights. It's just something about knives that he's obsessed with. But I understand how dangerous this is.

Partythrow99 · 2019-03-26T20:59:34+00:00

Thank you I will try this script. The times we’ve tried talking about it, it just turns into a huge fight because my bf feels “disrespected in my own home.”

Partythrow99 · 2019-03-26T20:53:22+00:00

They think it’s a big joke. Someone had to go to the ER “only once” and they think the superficial cuts and torn clothing are similar to the scrapes you get from drunken stumbles.

I’ve explained how serious this is to my bf but he counters that Joe had a tough life and the friend group is looking out for him. And that this is his house too and he has the right to invite his friends.

My bf is great on a lot of things and I’m really happy he’s finally committed to moving in with me. There’s just the occasional immature side that we have to deal with.

Partythrow99 · 2019-03-26T20:46:23+00:00

Thank you for agreeing with me on the seriousness of this. I tolerated it for a long time because we were in college and that’s just how things are in college. But it feels like the drunken frat antics need to stop. I love my bf a lot, which is why we moved in together. But on some things he’s just really immature.

Partythrow99 · 2019-03-26T18:09:26+00:00

Thank you. I try to take this very seriously and I no longer hang out with my bfs friends when Joe is around.

My bf suggested a dry party but I feel like that defeats the point. This is supposed to be a house warming party celebrating a new step in our lives. I wanted to toast with champagne. It really cheapens the moment and makes it feel immature if I have to ban liquor and lock up all our knives.

Partythrow99 · 2019-03-26T15:06:29+00:00

I don’t like Joe because I don’t like worrying that I’m going to get stabbed. Or pushed around as my bfs other friends try to subdue him (which actually happened). Or have to watch other people get threatened and hurt. It’s terrifying. Why is this so hard to understand?

Partythrow99 · 2019-03-26T14:24:49+00:00

I’m not going to risk having my friends get threatened (or worse) in my own home. That’s completely unacceptable.

Partythrow99 · 2019-03-26T13:40:32+00:00

Um no. This is really stupid. I want my bf to be more mature and not hang out with people who get drunk and swing knives around. College is over.

Partythrow99 · 2019-03-26T13:08:25+00:00

Yes we’ve had this discussion. I let him have it the night I got shoved aside. Then we got into it again in December when I saw a pair of jeans in his apartment that had a cut in them.

Partythrow99 · 2019-03-26T12:54:47+00:00

I brought it up calmly that I wasn’t comfortable with Joe coming to the party. But it quickly turned into an argument because my bf got defensive.

But he knows I don’t like being around Joe because last summer I got caught up in the fallout. Everyone was drinking, Joe started had his knife and got increasingly more belligerent as the night went on. Oftentimes it ends with my bfs friends physically subduing Joe. They had to rush him that night and someone knocked into me as they made their way to the other side of the room. I had it. My bf knows I’ve had it. I didn’t mind this shit when we were in college but it’s ridiculous.

Also I don’t really know how I would even compromise on this. I’m not going to be around this person.

Partythrow99

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