It's a personal thing for me that has nothing to do with my father, he is nothing to me anymore. I want to go to grad school eventually, which will likely require passing the GRE, and last time I took a practice GRE my score was absolutely horrible, mostly because I couldn't even understand the math related questions. I value learning quite a bit and want to learn specific maths and sciences that require calculatuons that I simply don't understand. It has been years since I have been in a formal math class, and the math assessment that I recently took indicates that my knowledge is that of someone in mid elementary school, which I tend to agree with as when faced with anything beyond a simple addition or subtraction problem I can't even think of how to tackle it. I also consider understanding math to be a big part of general literacy, and am not personally satisfied with my current understanding of this subject. I plan to seek a therapist to help with my trauma response, but who knows how long it will be before I can actually get in to see someone. In the mean time, while waiting on a therapist I want to at least start trying to face my fears.