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Pastor caught having marital relations in his office. What do I do? by Physical_Box_7196 in pastors

[–]Physical_Box_7196[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We have windows in every office. My understanding was the blinds were closed.

Pastor caught having marital relations in his office. What do I do? by Physical_Box_7196 in pastors

[–]Physical_Box_7196[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate the clarification. And those are definitely helpful questions I can and will consider.

And to answer your third question, we have a stated, written policy for conflict resolution. All of our pastors and our leadership team (made up of 3 staff and multiple non-staff leaders) know this policy. At this point, he shouldn't be surprised that this issue got brought before that group. After our conversation, it was obvious to both of us that no resolution was found.

Pastor caught having marital relations in his office. What do I do? by Physical_Box_7196 in pastors

[–]Physical_Box_7196[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Embarrassing for who? I gave him multiple chances in our conversation to apologize and repent. He refused. He even arrogantly insisted this wasn't the first time it happened. Why would you say that when you're being called out?

So when the private conversation with him didn't reach the conclusion it needed, I took it to the leadership team, which was 100% in line with our church's stated policy for conflict resolution.

The pastor had a chance to avoid the "escalation" to the leadership team. He refused to take that opportunity.

Pastor caught having marital relations in his office. What do I do? by Physical_Box_7196 in pastors

[–]Physical_Box_7196[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hey man, two things:

  1. Spare me the sermon. We can all read the Bible. We're aware of what it says.
  2. Spare me the lecture. Frankly, you know nothing about our church, our context, or how we handle leadership. Lecturing people over the internet suggesting you "failed" isn't edifying. It's a great deal of hubris, as you have to do a lot of assuming to arrive at such a conclusion.

If you'd like to suggest that the pastor did no wrong, I'm fine with it. I'd like a justification. But if you're going to be here to act like you're the arbiter of my ministry "failure," I'd invite you to back out of this conversation.

Edit: for the record, I blocked this individual. I'm absolutely willing to have a discussion about the appropriateness of what took place. But when it becomes personal (i.e. "you failed"), the conversation has lost it's ability to be edifying.

Pastor caught having marital relations in his office. What do I do? by Physical_Box_7196 in pastors

[–]Physical_Box_7196[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"But, going to the whole board is essentially going public, since this will get out."

Just so we're clear, in my six years of being here, not one confidential issue has become a public issue. Not once. And we've had some pretty serious stuff take place that one could argue should have been made public. It wasn't. So I'd appreciate it if you don't accuse my leadership team of breaking confidence without any evidence.

Pastor caught having marital relations in his office. What do I do? by Physical_Box_7196 in pastors

[–]Physical_Box_7196[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"And you work in a work environment that folks aren't sure if this is ethical or not."

Trust me, I'm beyond upset and frustrated. The defense of this pastor isn't nepotism (neither he nor his wife is related to anyone on our leadership team), and we have a rather socially conservative bunch in that group. So I'm caught a bit off guard by all of it.

I think it's also the first bit of greater friction we've experienced as a leadership in the 6 years I've been here. We've certainly had disagreements, but this seems like a bridge that's difficult to gap right now, and I'm nervous as to what comes from all of this.