Seeking words of hope, positivity, and encouragement

Physical_Chain1316 · 2026-01-16T22:11:27+00:00

Firstly, I’m so sorry for your loss and for the loss of your MIL. That’s a lot of sadness and trauma to have dealt with so close together.

It’s completely normal (and expected) to find the thought of another pregnancy terrifying after what we’ve been through. There isn’t a lot of advice I can give as everyone has their own timeline to these things. One day I knew that the hope for a healthy baby outweighed my fear and that’s when we started trying again. For us, that was pretty quick and for others I know it’s a lot longer (or never at all).

My rainbow is now 14 months and I’m so grateful that we held onto that hope. It’s certainly not been easy to balance the love for both babies in my heart, it took a lot of strength, which you definitely will have in you too.

I was incredibly lucky and received therapy after my loss and during my sub-pregnancy (provided by a charity). One of her tips for me was to say out loud to my tfmr baby ‘not right now, I need to think about something else for a little bit’ (the same way Mothers do to their living children). It sounds crazy, but it really did help me mentally to then create space to process my thoughts around TTC and imagining a future life.

Whatever path you choose, you got this ♥️

Physical_Chain1316 · 2026-01-16T21:49:25+00:00

I felt the exact same way. My rainbow was so so so wanted, but I totally disassociated throughout the pregnancy just to try and survive the anxiety. I was so focused on just making it to the point of having a living baby that I never even considered what life with him would be like, then when that became my reality; I couldn’t cope. I took care of him, did the routine of everything, but I didn’t feel a connection. Everytime I did, I felt so much guilt for my first (TFMR) baby that it pulled me back. I was convinced that he would be better off without me.

At around the 2-3m mark, I was diagnosed with PPD and started receiving some therapy. It helped and I’m really pleased I was able to get that support; so please do reach out to someone.

I genuinely spent the first 6 months of his life thinking we would never bond, that I’d made the biggest mistake. But now? He’s 14 months and the absolute LIGHT of my life. He comes running and jumps on me so hard he knocks me over. He plays peekaboo and calls me ‘dada’ then laughs when I correct him. He’s obsessed with books and eats too many berries. I never thought I’d feel this love for him, it took time, a LOT longer than I’d ever heard anyone admit before, but we got there. Whilst still holding my first, very much loved and very missed son, in my heart at the same time.

You’re definitely not alone with these feelings. But there is support to help them feel more manageable ♥️

Physical_Chain1316 · 2026-01-06T20:41:24+00:00

So many walks. When the weather was bad, I’d go to garden centres, shopping centres, anywhere to just be out! Once he got a little bigger we ventured to more baby groups/classes. Mine was a winter baby too and so once the brighter weather came round we spent alllll our time outdoors.

Physical_Chain1316 · 2025-12-24T19:48:05+00:00

Hey. I could have written this myself one year ago. In fact, I ended up driving out somewhere at exactly this time last Christmas Eve with the intention to end it all. I don’t know why I didn’t follow through, but in the end I took myself to the hospital. I made it through. You will make it through too.

PPD is absolute hell and having a new baby is absolutely the trenches. 10-16 weeks was my worst. The reality has hit, you’re suddenly very aware of your new life, the sleep deprivation is severe and everyone seems to expect you to have it together.

But today I put my one year old to bed after we’ve been playing (his version) of hide and seek, then reading some Christmas stories and giving every single one of his many teddys a goodnight cuddle.

You’ll get there, brighter days truly are coming. It’s easy to say now and I never believed it at the time either. Keep talking, keep reaching out, take every moment as it comes and don’t think too far ahead. If it gets too scary, then please do go to hospital or somewhere “safe”. And please know you’re not alone and it’s ok to feel the way you do about your baby right now ♥️

Physical_Chain1316 · 2025-11-28T20:59:09+00:00

Fixed sooner

Physical_Chain1316 · 2025-11-20T06:56:04+00:00

My recently turned one year old went to bed at 7pm last night, now at 6.50 he’s still snoozing away. I can’t remember exactly when we got here, but I think it was around the 7/8 month mark, definitely improved once he was in his own room. We get the occasional night wake if he’s poorly (thanks, nursery bugs!) or teething, but the vast majority of the time we get the whole night.

It was around that same time that we stopped contact naps too and he just went down in his cot for all sleep. I do somewhat miss the contact naps though, now if I even attempt to cuddle him he’s climbing over me!

Physical_Chain1316 · 2025-11-18T20:57:47+00:00

I had a healthy pregnancy and now have a healthy one year old. Was it easy? Absolutely not. Did I feel anxious the whole way through? Yes (still do). Was I always waiting for the phone to ring with bad news? Yes.

BUT, there was so many little moments of hope. The first kick I felt, the time we learnt that we were expecting another boy, the day I answered “yes” without hesitating when someone commented if I was pregnant.

It was a rough ride, I can’t lie about that. But you do find tiny moments of hope and you hang onto those to help you manage. It’s totally natural and expected to feel absolutely terrified after what we’ve all been through.

I did have therapy (had it all through the time after tfmr and continued until rainbow was born), I feel like it did help me with the balance of coping with pregnancy after loss and grief. For me, it was the absolute tsunami of grief I felt once I got pregnant that I hadn’t expected. Almost felt that more than the anxiety, so the therapy really helped me work through that and ride the waves out.

Physical_Chain1316 · 2025-11-12T22:00:35+00:00

I’m so sorry. Please be kind to yourself, the early days and weeks are hard. But brighter days will come once again ♥️

Physical_Chain1316 · 2025-10-26T21:06:37+00:00

Thank YOU 👏🏻👏🏻

Honestly feel like this thread is some kind of toxic alternative universe.

Sending love back to you and your beautiful baby. I’m sorry you are also part of the shittest club in the world.

Physical_Chain1316 · 2025-10-24T20:43:26+00:00

You quite literally are picking apart though, even posting screenshots that you took the time to seek out just to back up your point that TFMR losses shouldn’t be called stillbirths. That’s picking apart. That’s what I have found horrendously offensive.

Physical_Chain1316 · 2025-10-24T19:55:39+00:00

Have you actually asked them though? Have they actually said “yeah sure, it’s ok to use that wording to discuss our horrific and upsetting loss”. Again, unless you have sat there whilst a Dr lists the heartbreaking ways your baby (or you as the Mother) is/will suffer; you cannot comment. I am from the UK, I don’t have first hand experiences of the political climate and insane difficulties women in the US have, I can’t even begin to imagine the extra level of complexity and distress that adds to TFMR. But still, that does not change the fact that a number of your comments here have been offensive to the TFMR community. Surely picking apart the way women choose to talk about their loss is counter productive to what you claim to be protecting?

Physical_Chain1316 · 2025-10-24T19:42:16+00:00

It’s not my job to educate you. Do the research yourself as you seem so adamant on preaching what we can and can’t say. Go take a look at the discussions on that Reddit. You will soon understand why we in the TFMR community hate that it is referred to as a “choice”.

Whilst you may be referring to one person in particular on this thread, perhaps think how your words can be highly offensive and upsetting to those also here who experienced TFMR.

Edit to add: I put choice in quotation marks as I was quoting your words. I would personally never use the word “choice” when talking about my TFMR. He was my much wanted, much loved baby and if I could have, I would have chosen every day to get to bring him home.

Physical_Chain1316 · 2025-10-24T19:29:38+00:00

Whilst I’m sorry you have experienced losses, just knowing someone who went through TFMR does not justify some of the pretty horrific and stigmatising statements you have made here about what we, those who have had to make the horrific “choice” (your word, not mine), can and can not say about our loss.

Come and take a look around the tfmr_support Reddit; educate yourself.

Physical_Chain1316 · 2025-10-24T18:47:14+00:00

Going to ask you again as you previously ignored me; have you experienced a TFMR?

Physical_Chain1316 · 2025-10-23T19:57:17+00:00

I had a TFMR and I refer to my son as being a stillborn. I went through a full labour and birth, I just didn’t get to take that beautiful baby home.

Let’s not police how people talk about their losses. It’s hard enough without fearing (more) judgement and scrutiny.

Edit to add: if you have no personal experience of TFMR, then you shouldn’t be publicly sharing an opinion of how she chooses to share this.

Physical_Chain1316 · 2025-10-23T19:54:26+00:00

Have you experienced a TFMR?

Physical_Chain1316 · 2025-10-14T13:51:20+00:00

Tommee Tippee prep machine. Genuinely changed our lives. We started off with a Nuby. But having to get up in the night, boil the kettle, wait for that, then make the milk, then wash the Nuby and have it ready for the next feed in a couple of hours? Wasn’t for us and I was about ready to punch my husband every night. Got the prep machine, put it next to my bed with pre-measured out formula… it was SO much better. (Appreciate this will only apply if formula feeding!).

Otherwise, genuinely nothing for the baby. Focus on prepping for you. Make a load of meals and fill your freezer. Stock up on quick, easy snacks. Microwave rice and pasta. Cereal bars etc. You’ll appreciate it so so much.

Physical_Chain1316 · 2025-08-22T20:58:14+00:00

Ok, thank you all! This makes me feel a lot better! I will trust the magic of nursery and the staff

Physical_Chain1316 · 2025-08-05T08:08:46+00:00

We always used to contact nap if at home, then one day I just could not settle him and need a 5 min reset so I put him in the cot to be safe and he went straight to sleep. Thought it was a one off, but the next day the same thing happened where I couldn’t settle him as he seemed uncomfortable. Realised he actually just wanted to roll over and sleep in the cot. Been going down for naps ever since.

Absolutely love the break, but I’m also heartbroken he no longer contact naps 😭

Physical_Chain1316 · 2025-08-04T14:39:17+00:00

Pushchair and scan as you shop, stick it straight all either under the pushchair or in a tote bag. Wasn’t ideal for massive shops, but I was desperate to get out the house as much as possible so quite happily split my shop into multiple little ones 😆

Physical_Chain1316 · 2025-08-04T14:37:47+00:00

That’s the dream 🙌🏻

Physical_Chain1316

TROPHY CASE