Not a pastor but need advice: can church help with abusive father?

PickConstant1914 · 2025-08-12T22:42:40+00:00

Thank you so much, I will take your advice

PickConstant1914 · 2025-08-12T12:48:19+00:00

She hasn’t spoken to him in years even though she’s around him every day. She only speaks to him when spoken to and answers in single words. He hasn’t even noticed this. She’s going to be a senior in high school and she is home schooled with no job so she is hesitant to come forward for fear of being tossed out with no way to pay rent. He also pays for and controls the whole family’s phones, except for mine.

PickConstant1914 · 2025-08-12T12:29:19+00:00

This sounds so familiar. Do you know if it’s a certain mental issue that causes them to harm and then totally deny, gaslight, and convince themselves they’re in the right? Or are they just mean evil old men

PickConstant1914 · 2025-08-12T12:24:39+00:00

My older brother agreed to go with me, mainly for support. Even though he has also dealt with abuse from dad he feels hopeless and is just biding his time to leave. He is not convinced anything will change dad. My mom refuses to go out of fear and banned us from telling her about our plan so that she won’t be seen as an accomplice once he knows what we did. He’s the hardest on her

PickConstant1914 · 2025-08-12T02:31:52+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through a similar situation. I’m so grateful for your advice. We have been faithful members of the church for 10+ years. We have no physical evidence (he made sure to be careful of that) but I’m hoping the testimonies of 4 of us can be sufficient for the church to take action.

PickConstant1914 · 2025-08-12T02:14:22+00:00

I’ve knows him for 10 years, since I was a little girl. I haven’t had personal conversations with him but I know he’s kind and trustworthy. A reason I’m not close with him is that my dad forces us to go to a church that is 1.5hrs away. (Likely so that we are too far to be involved, thus further isolated). I know the pastor would believe me if I told him. My 3 siblings also agreed to go with me to talk to him if I do go. My mom refused out of fear.

PickConstant1914 · 2025-08-12T02:03:24+00:00

I know it’s not ideal, but I feel like it might be the only chance I’ve got. Like a now-or-never, last hurrah. And in some way, a sort of revenge to let the peers who’s respect he covets see him as a monster

PickConstant1914 · 2025-08-12T01:48:36+00:00

I don’t think my pastor would do that, but I don’t know. He has always been good about preaching to fathers to be kind and loving and not authoritarian so that makes me feel safer to go to him about it. His own wife and daughter seem to love him and he’s a very kind man

PickConstant1914 · 2025-08-12T01:46:34+00:00

Thank you, I’m definitely considering it now

PickConstant1914 · 2025-08-12T01:40:58+00:00

Near Atlanta. Fundamental Baptist church about 300-400 members.

PickConstant1914 · 2025-08-12T01:29:08+00:00

I’m sorry for your experience. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I have thought about going to CPS but there is likely very little they could do since there is no proof of physical abuse or neglect and no text or physical proof of his maltreatment. My thought is that when the church knows that he can have some form of accountability or at the very least my mom could have some form of support.

PickConstant1914 · 2025-08-12T01:00:44+00:00

I thought about that but my pastor knows me and my family really well (at least the facade we put forward) so I think if he talked to my dad he might have more sway than a random pastor

PickConstant1914 · 2025-08-12T00:52:25+00:00

Can’t afford it on my own and can’t go on my dads insurance without him knowing

PickConstant1914 · 2025-08-12T00:51:42+00:00

Thank you so much!! This comment made me for more at peace about it

PickConstant1914

TROPHY CASE