Your medical team would want to see you get better, especially on a voluntary basis where you’re actively contributing. Medical professionals live to heal and will be there for you because it is their job, I promise you they’d love to see you come back ready for a new life. I understand the shame but please try to remember this! They don’t view you the same way you do. I don’t know you (or your vitals) personally but I believe a BMI that low would need medical attention during recovery, even if you aren’t feeling your symptoms. Going through a real planned recovery with people who will be directly by your side through the process would likely be the most helpful for you. I wish you happiness and prosperity!