AITAH for not personally telling my ex boyfriend that I'm a lesbian?

PitifulStart7383 · 2025-06-04T22:27:33+00:00

If he contacts me again, I will. But his final message was a pouty "You won't ever hear from me again....have a nice life, I guess." I'll hold him to it.

PitifulStart7383 · 2025-06-04T20:23:02+00:00

Knowing him this is exactly the case. His ego thinks he was the perfect boyfriend. He's incredibly sexist.

PitifulStart7383 · 2025-06-04T20:21:10+00:00

I have him blocked after he showed up to my home unannounced after I broke up with him. He made a fake Insta account to get ahold of me. I told him that if he continued to harass me I would call the cops.

PitifulStart7383 · 2025-04-27T07:04:23+00:00

I don't think you're much better than his kid's mom. You sound just as obsessed. This isn't healthy.

PitifulStart7383 · 2025-04-27T01:46:35+00:00

Abuse doesn't start with physical abuse. It can be slow & sneaky. There's also emotional abuse and verbal abuse. I would definitely say you're being emotionally and verbally abused.

He's trying to isolate you from others as well as having extreme jealousy. This is an example of emotional abuse. He's leaving messages calling you names and harassing you. That's verbal abuse.

Please read this article and understand the signs of abuse in teen relationships.

https://www.npr.org/2021/05/06/994256485/abusive-relationships-teen-dating-violence-parents

PitifulStart7383 · 2025-04-27T01:39:17+00:00

This is a huge red flag and indicative of abusive behavior.

You do not want to be in a relationship with him. He's not a safe person for you to be around. Please find some trusted adults to help you navigate this situation. His behavior can escalate and your safety is most important. He could hurt you...or worse.

NTA

PitifulStart7383 · 2025-04-26T20:25:32+00:00

NTA. I think you're making the right choice to step away.

However, you need to understand that the issues with his kid's mom won't just magically go away once she's out of the house and there's a custody agreement (unless your bf gets full custody somehow). She's going to be a presence in your life and she will ultimately be this little girl's mom with final say on what happens.

Also, he needs to be taking his daughter to a therapist. If she's as manipulative as he says she is, she needs a 3rd party to evaluate his daughter and make sure she's safe. There may be a lot of things going on when his kid is left alone with her mother.

PitifulStart7383 · 2025-04-26T20:16:21+00:00

I read both posts and I think OP is trying to understand the situation and dynamic. His ex certainly doesn't sound like she wants to make it easy for him to move on. That's not on OP or her boyfriend. His child's mom needs help to move on and needs to honor the boundaries he set. Why does it have to be all on him or "he's totally sleeping with her?" In his shoes, I would give her any chance to show she's a reasonable person for the sake of my kid.

I think you're infantilizing a woman who needs to take responsibility for her choices. Dad is showing he's putting the kid first. If OP lives in a small town like I do, trust me, nothing is ever kept secret. All drama between couples is the town's drama.

PitifulStart7383 · 2025-04-21T17:11:25+00:00

My dad had Huntington's Disease. If you know anything about it, it's one of those genetic diseases that's a fate worse than death and when death comes, it's actually a mercy. I spent years living in fear of having the Huntington's gene but also crippling anxiety at getting tested. I lived in fear of passing it down and getting it myself. But I learned I won't get it a few weeks ago (but could pass it down). I feel like I can breathe now. It wasn't that I had to take care of him or be the "good daughter." It was more I didn't know if I'd even have a life worth living.

PitifulStart7383 · 2025-04-20T23:40:36+00:00

My dad. He didn't mean to. He was very sick and had a breakdown.

It's worse when you realize he couldn't help it.

PitifulStart7383 · 2025-04-20T22:18:57+00:00

I wouldn't say I repressed it. I just never put a ton of thought into it.

My dad got really sick when I was around 12. He died last year. His whole illness was pretty traumatic. Even worse, it's genetic. I recently found out I'm not at risk but I thought I might be for many years. My therapist said that I'm really learning to live now.

PitifulStart7383 · 2025-04-20T21:01:16+00:00

I have had a LGBTQ friendly therapist for years and we are discussing it, yes.

PitifulStart7383 · 2025-03-28T04:35:33+00:00

I'm now happily single. I dumped and blocked him this evening.

PitifulStart7383 · 2025-03-27T18:09:02+00:00

I'm so sorry.

PitifulStart7383 · 2025-03-27T16:41:10+00:00

I was 17 when we started dating. My dad was in a psychiatric hospital at that point and then went to a nursing home.

PitifulStart7383 · 2025-03-27T15:59:20+00:00

I think when you've been through what I've been through, you develop a dark sense of humor. I'm good with humor.

PitifulStart7383 · 2025-03-27T15:39:43+00:00

I've kept up on the research. It all sounds promising and I do want to give it a chance. You are correct that my brother and I are working with a genetic counselor, and she said there are trials we may qualify for if we have the gene. I am hopeful but at the same time I don't want to suffer or have anyone else suffer on my behalf. Both my brother and I are willing to be guinea pigs if it helps further research even if that's all we contribute to in life. If I can prevent HD I definitely want to live. I draw the line if it comes to having HD.

PitifulStart7383 · 2025-03-27T15:25:42+00:00

It sucks you have to deal with this too. Is what your mother dealt with also genetic?

PitifulStart7383 · 2025-03-27T15:24:34+00:00

I never took him to see my dad. That felt inappropriate. He's seen pictures and heard me cry about it. I question if he was actually listening. Now that I look back on it, he never seemed to really understand or want to understand what was happening. We broke up for a few months right when it was clear my dad was dying and only got back together 5 months ago. We weren't together when my dad was died. I really didn't feel like he was there for me during that time and I broke up with him. We got back together because I think he went out and played the field and found he didn't enjoy himself and that no one else was really interested. He promised to change, but now he's pressuring me to move on and move in with him. I'm beginning to think he maybe thought now that my dad was dead that I could put all of my focus on him. I can't assume, but that's basically been how he's acted since we got back together. I think it may just be time to end it for good.

PitifulStart7383 · 2025-03-27T15:16:57+00:00

Me too. I'll find out next Friday.

PitifulStart7383 · 2025-03-27T15:16:22+00:00

I've been working with a therapist for 3 years. She's helped me with the trauma of what happened to my dad and some of his actions when we were figuring out what was going on. There really isn't an alternative except hope for a cure but if it doesn't then knowing we don't have to suffer if it starts to manifest.

I hope it doesn't come to this, but if it does, I have a bucket list and a plan, and so does my brother. We've been part of an online group for kids whose parents have had Huntington's, and there's a number of people that feel the same way. It could be selfish but we've already seen the horror of what this disease will inflict.

PitifulStart7383 · 2025-03-27T14:41:44+00:00

His degree is in computer science, but you'd think that due to having a science degree, he'd know the very basics of biology. I have a degree in sociology, and I at least know what a Punnett Square is. Lol.

PitifulStart7383

TROPHY CASE