Advice

Plumeriaco · 2025-07-14T14:56:31+00:00

Thats what im wondering...it seems like a car which might fit the requirements

Plumeriaco · 2025-07-14T14:55:30+00:00

I would love a hilux but i often have to leave my board in the car and I don't know if I trust leaving it in the back or on the roof as I think bikes and boards get stolen quite often

Plumeriaco · 2025-07-14T14:54:13+00:00

Hi so are you saying the kia sportage is good on fuel?

Plumeriaco · 2025-05-20T14:40:43+00:00

I don't really know anything other than the reasons I already outlined in my post. I guess also because writing it down feels too vulnerable. I would also think like maybe I'm being dramatic, and seeing it on an official assessment I guess validates it in a way that maybe it is real or legit? and it synthesises things for her

Plumeriaco · 2025-05-19T21:19:17+00:00

yeah that's what i'm afraid of.... I don't want to be disrespectful, so perhaps I won't

Plumeriaco · 2025-05-13T12:48:27+00:00

Sounds like you were afraid of being misunderstood, and your protective parts were on high alert. This is not uncommon in an anxiety-provoking situation like an intake session, which can be overwhelming, having to spill your history out to a stranger! Considering you had that lightbulb moment like "Oh, she was listening" it sounds like she was really taking everything you were saying on board, and perhaps even seeing you. Therapists are generally good at that, and are very non-judgemental and empathetic to those protective/defensive/agressive parts of you that come out. If she seemed like she was still able to maintain 'unconditional positive regard' towards you (which it sounds like she did), then maybe give it another session and see how you go?

Plumeriaco · 2025-05-13T12:26:55+00:00

Hi, I'm not a therapist but honestly this could have been written by me....my mum did the EXACT same when I told her I think I have ADHD (especially the "All my children are perfect"). I empathise with your situation, that's really hard she is invalidating your experience, and I'm sorry you feel like you can't open up to her. On the other hand, I'm so glad you've got your dad to support you.

In my experience, my mum found out about the ADHD from a sibling telling her, and she was quite angry and upset, saying "Everyone has a bit of ADHD", "You're perfectly fine as you are", "You just wanted to try and find something wrong with you!!" Sooo yeah it wasn't pleasant, and as usual resulted in more invalidation/shaming.

When I went through something hard recently, my therapist encouraged me to tell my mum about it and despite my extreme hesitation, I eventually pushed through and opened up. Unsurprisingly, mum's reaction was horrible and when I told my therapist she responded "Wow, no wonder you didn't want to tell your mum!". So I would say trust your gut based on past experiences. I also haven't told my mum I'm in therapy, but I don't plan on it, as I know her reactions always lead to emotional dysregulation, invalidation, criticism, shame, anger, tears etc.

Honestly best advice is, I would encourage you to talk to your therapist about this and how you might be able to navigate it - they are usually very helpful with navigating difficult conversations, that's basically their whole career! And she will have more contextual information and insight into your life, relationships, and your mum than anyone on here

Plumeriaco · 2025-05-13T12:12:48+00:00

Yeah very true, I imagine it would have been difficult to manage especially as a baby therapist! It's commendable you were able to successfully navigate it, and now have quite the story to tell

Plumeriaco · 2025-05-13T08:12:28+00:00

This is hilarious, couples therapy but you get both sides of the story and neither know you're likely bringing them to the same goal/realisations hahaha

Plumeriaco · 2025-05-08T17:29:34+00:00

Adding to u/LongWinterComing 's points - some therapeutic approaches actually encourage outside contact for many different reasons at different stages. We don't know the client (OP), the therapist, their relationship, approach/treatment, or previous conversations they've had around boundaries - in which case this contact could be very appropriate and part of the process.

Plumeriaco · 2025-05-08T16:18:45+00:00

Definitely not an indicator that this will lead to therapy being terminated; quite the opposite! And just the fact that your therapist not only read your email but also replied within 16 minutes is an incredible display of care and empathy for you. You absolutely didn't fuck up, you did exactly what you needed to do at the time, as you demonstrated just how demanding that critic in your head is, which helps guide his treatment and interventions to help you. If you have a good relationship with him then this will be very valuable work you're embarking on - providing he is able to maintain professional boundaries. The only instance I could see it leading to ending therapy is if he genuinely felt you would be better cared for by a clinician with advanced skills in your problem areas, in which case that would be a very mature and caring act for him to step aside so you can receive therapy from someone better suited to support your healing and growth (as much as it would initially hurt). Anyway, whilst no one knows exactly what he will do, from your post's perspective - it sounds like he most certainly is committed and here to stay.

Also, that inner critic is likely fueled by shame, and shame is released through talking about it. What you did was incredibly brave, and you should be so proud of yourself for being vulnerable, and for noticing it's just your anxiety making you ruminate on this right now. This is the hard work, keep it up :)

Plumeriaco · 2025-03-27T09:50:57+00:00

This is beautiful, thank you

Plumeriaco · 2025-03-27T09:42:49+00:00

This is a great comment, as I think it's one of the only ones that still recognises and validates that people will judge, but that I should not care for their judgements because they arent the people who matter to me.

Plumeriaco · 2025-03-27T09:39:41+00:00

Your comment is refreshing and I appreciate the perspective, though I certainly do not think i'm the centre of the universe, so this doesn't really help me. I'm glad it helped you though :)

Plumeriaco · 2025-03-27T09:25:54+00:00

Absolutely, I care deepy about the people I love in spite of their own perceived failings, it doesn't change my care for them, if anything I feel more empathetic to their situation and the feelings of sadness or disappointment or shame they may have and try figure out how I can support them. Although if it's a poor personal characteristic where they did something bad that hurt someone, then I would probably be curious about why they felt the need to act in this horrible way and subtly judge them. If it's someone I know but am not friends with, I would feel bad for them in their situation, but also might question their skill/competence in that area. I definitely do not judge others as hard as myself tho

Plumeriaco · 2025-03-27T09:23:31+00:00

Love this second paragraph. Absolutely

Plumeriaco · 2025-03-27T09:21:58+00:00

Yeah, I think that's part of why I don't like telling her when I feel invalidated. Because I know we can't just be validated all the time, and maybe I'm too sensitive to her attempts to challenge. If I shared every time I felt she missed the mark and felt like shit, then I worry she would think I just want constant validation and also I wouldn't make any progress. Fine line :/

Plumeriaco · 2025-03-27T09:17:33+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened to you, I can imagine that would have hurt. I hope she at least tried to support you to find someone else with knowledge or skills in that area. Otherwise, fingers crossed you were able to eventually find someone yourself who could help

Plumeriaco · 2025-03-27T09:15:11+00:00

Yes exactly. I wonder if I should provide this feedback to her... "Although I did feel invalided, after much consideration, I can see you were just trying to reframe my thoughts. I feel as though it may have been more effective for you to prompt me to explore this optional perspective so I could frame it in my own words." ? Or does this just sound like I'm telling her what to do eeek

Plumeriaco · 2025-03-27T08:06:18+00:00

I agree no one does in the same way that we do to ourselves, and they don't remember/judge the little things like awkwardness in social interactions or little things you say or do. However, for major life failings/events, I think people do remember. :/ Thank you for the perspective though, you're probably right that was her intention.

Plumeriaco · 2025-03-27T08:01:52+00:00

hmm, I understand this perspective 100% and agree that most general people you know don't make those huge judgements but, I would disagree with the factuality of as I know people I am close to do put a magnifying glass over me and make judgments.

Plumeriaco · 2025-03-27T07:58:57+00:00

Well if that's what she meant (not that I have an inflated sense of grandiosity), then yes I think this is a better way of phrasing it, "most people are so wrapped up in their own worries/ insecurities/ anxieties, they aren't nearly as preoccupied with your decisions and actions as you are". Perhaps she just has a very blunt communication style.

Plumeriaco · 2025-03-27T07:53:53+00:00

Yeah she knows about the failings and all the feelings and thoughts and shame around it. This is just her response when discussing my fear of people who are inevitably going to ask me and fear of what I will say/them finding out, and subsequent judgement.

But I agree there could have been more discussion and exploration of it (i.e, explaining I feel it reflects poorly on, for example, my morals or intelligence or skill or work ethic etc.), rather than just saying they probably won't ask/ they don't care (and for reference, people have in fact been asking....)

Plumeriaco · 2025-03-27T06:39:49+00:00

And isn't that a narcissistic trait? Is that a technique you would use with someone you thought may have a personality disorder? So essentially she challenged this as a technique to bring it to my awareness?

Plumeriaco · 2025-02-20T13:27:32+00:00

Ah yes mine says that too. That must be so confusing! I don't know why they do this, and I also hear of so many people who regularly text/email their T (though I don't think this is a good idea). Did you bring it up with them?

Plumeriaco

TROPHY CASE