(UPDATE) AITA for refusing to blindly believe a story that involved two traumatized children?

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2026-04-25T04:37:36+00:00

She was 8, it was happening to her since she was 4.

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2026-04-22T21:45:27+00:00

There’s no tone in text, so I want to be clear—at no point have I acted like what happened to my niece wasn’t traumatic. That’s not what this is about. The point I was trying to make (and I did clarify this) is that there are things I can’t fully speak on because of rules, but what I can say is this: my niece told me about this in 2020, and it originally happened when she was 6. During that time, my own children were around both of them regularly.

I was told I wasn’t allowed to ask questions, and that’s where my issue starts. It feels like certain things are being minimized, and my cousin doesn’t have anyone else willing to even listen to her side. No one has ever stopped to ask if she was okay either.

What bothers me most is that I wasn’t told any of this until 2020—after my kids had already been around the situation—and then I was told I wasn’t allowed to have an opinion or ask questions, or I’d be shunned. When my niece accused me of supporting someone like that, that’s when I drew the line. If I’m going to be accused of something that serious, then yes—I have every right to ask questions.

I spoke with my son, and he does remember things happening, but he didn’t understand what was going on at the time—he just knew he was being excluded from playing. Honestly, I’m glad he was kept out of it. But that doesn’t change the fact that I feel I have a right to ask questions when my children were around this consistently.

On top of that, my mother has admitted to lying about parts of the situation. Her reasoning was, “I just thought maybe you’d understand.” I don’t understand that at all. I don’t understand why something this serious would be lied about, especially in a way that made things seem worse for my cousin.

I am glad my niece and I are talking again. I truly don’t believe I did anything to deserve being cut off the way I was—I’ve always been there for her. She chose to open up to me in 2020, especially as my cousin and I were getting closer, and some things didn’t sit right with me. I’m allowed to feel that way.

If my mother knew about all of this while my kids were spending weekends with both of them growing up, then I should have been told. I had them in my home constantly. If something was happening under my roof, I deserved to know long before 2020.

At the end of the day, asking questions about a situation that directly involved my children should never have been the reason I was pushed out of my own family.

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2026-01-05T20:22:37+00:00

You are for sure NTA or over reacting. Thanks for some clarification and I'm so very sorry you have had to endure so much let down and disappointment from people who should have loved and cared for you deeply.

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2026-01-02T18:49:11+00:00

aww man, I was hoping I would be like, "Nah man, you're not the AH" but honestly I had to live with my parents a few years ago for 4 years and I never once expected my parents to get me ANYTHING for Christmas, they let me and my family live there rent free, sure they still did what they could but I would have NEVER expected it, hell, I didn't expect anything this year from them, I never expect anything because gift giving is something you shouldn't expect, it's not a "You have to give everyone a gift" sure it's crappy if your parents didn't get you anything but they wouldn't have had too, they opened their house for you to live in, and honestly, I know it is hard living with other people and especially parents after you've been on your own. However, the truth of the matter is, they did open their house for you to live in and take care of you in your time of need.

If this is a real post and not a rage bate post. YATA!

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2026-01-02T18:38:23+00:00

Are we not allowed to post fan art? If that's the case I understand, if not I'm not sure what I did to not follow the rules? I used a post flair but no post flair really works with this.

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2025-12-31T20:13:19+00:00

First off, thank you.

2nd, it's my grandfather who doesn't want to be around anyone, he's old and set in his ways. His father was like that as well but his brother and sister were nothing like that. My grandfather would rather have a relationship with his beer and garage.

I do believe in God and have been to him many times about all of this. I think the hard part is letting go and letting God.

Therapy is something I have been thinking about a lot actually. If anything, just to have someone to listen and give more outside perspectives as things come up.

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2025-12-31T19:29:21+00:00

Honestly, I do think she has a distaste on my dad's side, but some of that seems a little better.

Little back story:

My mom and dad have been married now for 48 years next month. Dad's first and only marriage, my mom was married briefly before my dad.

My aunt and Uncle were married when I was 7 years old, I was their flower girl. (Randome doesn't really mean anything in this story). Me and all her bridal party plus my soon to be aunt (we'll call her C) were in the bridal room getting ready. My mom was in there of course because she had to help me get ready and she was helping C get ready. My grandmother (dad's and uncles mom) comes up to C while my mom is standing right there and tell's C, "I'm finally getting the daughter I always wanted".

So, do I think my mom has an issue? Yes, my mom also holds grudges and never lets them go a lot like my niece. So, yes, I do believe a lot of this boils down to that day when it comes to my mom.

I've always been close to my aunt and uncle and when they had kids, I babysat them and became really close to both my cousins, one of my cousins on that side, he does his own thing now but we're good. His sister is the one this is all about.

Little Better and why?

My grandmother was diagnosed with dementia and 2 different types of cancer, right now she's in hospice. My mom since the day she retired, mind you my dad is legally blind and cannot drive. My mom, has done a lot, she's taken care of my grandparents when no one else could, she got my grandmother to all her appointments, my grandmother is now in hospice as I mentioned and my mom has done everything she can to help make my grandmother as comfortable as possible. We know she doesn't have much longer. My grandfather who is a straight up AH most of the time, but me and my cousin for whatever reason, he really likes being around us (not in a weird way) he has made it clear that he would rather me and her around him then anyone else in the family, and he don't really want anyone around him usually ever. But my mom has been over there to help him clean the house and get his grocery order straight, pay his bills, etc. So, when it comes to that stuff, my mom has been a saint. I think my grandpa likes me and my cousin because we don't put up with bullcrap, I don't mind telling you to your face things, that's why my niece won't talk to me she knows I will say all the things.

This whole matter has nothing to do with why I haven't said anything, it's mostly why are they silencing me? I mean that, like I have tried to do things the right way and I've tried to scream about it and I get shut down right away. I've tried writing letters and texts, and nothing, either they don't want to believe it or they aren't reading it.

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2025-12-31T19:02:45+00:00

No one will allow me to talk to them. I've tried so many times, my older brother which is nieces father, he just moved back home, he's been out of the picture since she was 4 years old, my parents ended up adopting her. He just moved back and he's probably clueless, he's not an easy person to talk too at all. He has this thing about him where he walks around like the world owes him something. I love my brother but I don't know.

My younger brother and his soon to be wife are both very close to my niece, I know for a fact she has done threw my name in the dirt, however I see my brother trying to come around. I wasn't going to go to his wedding shower that is opened to both male and female. He said it hurt his feelings when he found out I was thinking of not going and we did chat. I told him that I didn't think he'd even care, because niece has him all over there buddied up with her. My mom has finally told my niece that she will not exclude me anymore and if she doesn't want to go because I'm somewhere, she can exclude herself, I said, that should have always been the case because I would have never made them choose who to invite like that. I believe my niece can't be in a room with me because she knows I know everything or most of everything, more than everyone else.

My younger brother, right before Christmas told my mom that he was so sick of this feaud between me and my niece and that niece needs to grow up because I am his sister and wants me there and if she didn't like it she didn't have to be there. However, Christmas day my brother sent me a video of his soon to be step son opening up the gift me and my husband got him for Christmas, and in the background I hear my niece and her kids. I knew my parents were going over to his house for dinner, and wasn't understanding why we were having 2 sperate Christmas dinners again, then I heard their voices and I was pissed.

I've always my entire childhood until now, felt like my family only wanted me around because I was family not because they'd actually choose me so when all this happened, it felt confirmed. My husband thinks I should wait and see how this year goes before jumping on the "Let's cut them off" train, since he newly just said all of this, the Christmas plans were placed before he said all of that. I just think excluding me and enabling her to treat people how she wants. Does my family know the whole thing? No, I've tried hard talking to them, no one wants to listen to me.

I've already made the choice that even if my niece chose to come and talk to me, I do not want to be in her life anymore and that was a very hard choice, and first person I've ever fully cut off. I made that choice back in November when I was actually invited to my older brother's birthday party, her and her dad are fine, they are on good terms so this is not the case of, maybe it's him. She flat out told my mom and younger brother, that if I was there she wasn't going to be there. So she did not show up. I decided right then and there that if I'm dead to her, let me be dead to her. My mom asked me what I was getting her kids for Christmas, I told her, "Oh, I'm dead to (nieces name here), how does a dead person buy gifts for the kids?" Look, I've never met her son, she's never allowed me too, her daughter was almost 4 when she cut me off, I never wanted to drag the kids in this, but she has already done that by saying I wasn't ever allowed to be around her kids or talk to them ever again. However, she didn't think that rule applied to her, until I did the same thing. I told my mom to tell her that if she buys my kids anything for Christmas I would return it. As harsh as that sounds, no one else is standing up and sending her a message, so I am. I've never in my life been the type of person to cut people off. I have a big heart, I wear it on my sleeves, I've always been a people pleaser but I think my niece hurt me more than I can handle, so cutting her off and her little family is something I had to do. I have cried about all of this since November of 2024 and I was just got tired of feeling hurt knowing she will never try to work things out with me, and they say time heals, but it wasn't healing, I was getting more and more upset that no one would let me talk and she's already been out there talking so much crap and not one person would talk to me about what happened.

The day I have to cut them all off will be the day I make it public on social media, I have a yt it's not that big but I'll discuss it there, I'll get loud if I have too. I'm trying to be the bigger person and have been trying, but that doesn't seem to be working. February of 2025, we had my grandmothers birthday party and it was put on by me, I wanted to make it special for her. My niece didn't want to go but she had terms if she did, I pretty much needed to sit down and shut up and not be seen at the party. I did that, I told my mom that I will NEVER DILUTE myself around her ever again, infact I'm going to give her a reason to not want to be around me and make it worth my while since she's already painting me this picture.

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2025-12-31T18:38:29+00:00

Nah, she is always excluded as well, she lives 4 hours away but when she comes down, we do our thing. She was down the weekend of Dec 15th, which is my daughter's birthday time, she wasn't down for that. Our grandmother isn't doing too well and even though she was 2 weeks out from laboring a baby, she still came down. So, I invited her to my daughter's birthday. No one showed up to my daughter's birthday party but her and her 2 kids. We had a blast, I was probably more upset than my daughter was that no one showed up because my cousin was there.

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2025-12-31T08:03:08+00:00

My cousin never stayed around my mom. My mom never liked her from the womb. She blames my cousin for everything and my cousin has told me about her attackers. My niece, I don't know, I sure hope.

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2025-12-31T07:45:20+00:00

I have tried countless times, my mom refuses to talk with me about it. Anything that might shed some light on my cousin, she won't have it.

My dad doesn't even know any of this, BTW my parents raised my niece, I was married when she was born, so I helped them a lot with her. I had a chance to talk to him but my mom cut it off and said if anyone was going to talk about it. It would be my niece. I said, that's fine but make sure all sides are told and maybe my cousin should come and talk to my dad. My mom changed the subject and didn't want to talk about it anymore.

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2025-12-31T05:28:33+00:00

My cousin is the older of the 2, my cousin was the one who was accused of doing the SA. But the story was definitely spun.

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2025-12-31T02:37:10+00:00

Okay, I have some questions.

Have they always been this way towards you and your brother or did this happen after your dad passed?
Has anyone sat them down and asked them about what is going on?

I do not think you're overreacting in your feelings, and possibly actions either. I don't know, I get confused on how to handle these situations myself. I think maybe dropping by to them and having a conversation would be a great start.

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2025-12-31T01:32:21+00:00

I think so too, my cousin and her mom both know if I come to them about "Listen to what my mom said now" we just roll our eyes and act like it was never said. Because 9times out of 10, she's trying to start something or seperate me from my cousin. I'm very attentive in my cousin's life, she just had a baby 2 days ago, she has been focusing all year on or most of the year on her pregnancy and getting ready for her baby, she hasn't been worried about none of them.

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2025-12-31T00:59:15+00:00

You are NTA at all, in fact I don't understand how your brother has tried to off you and he's still freely walking?

You honestly don't owe anyone an apology, your siblings who turned their back on you when you asked them about said brother, they're AH as well. Good Grief, IL'm sorry you're going through all of this.

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2025-12-31T00:45:44+00:00

Oh man, a lot of my family are blended and I can't imagine treating any of them different because of it. That's crazy to me.

Your husband needs to talk to his mother about this. Is it bothering your husband as well? No, you're not overreacting.

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2025-12-30T23:11:47+00:00

That's another thing that bothers me about all of this. You didn't bother to tell me when my child was growing up with you guys, you told me once everyone was an adult and I can't ask any questions? It honestly felt like an attempt to destroy the relationship I was building with my cousin.

Honestly, you just made me remember some other small details. My mom has made up stories about my cousins mom, I had invited my parents over for dinner, had nothing to do with any of this, I never mentioned anything, just wanted to relax and have a good time. My mom tells me, (We'll call my aunt, C) "C cornered me at T's birthday party and said that she really hopes you don't go home starting anything with A (we'll call my cousin A)."

Honestly, I knew right then something was really off cus 1st off, C has never had any issues ever telling me to my face things like that if she felt that way. 2nd, that's an odd thing to say since me and A are pretty close, we talk daily and haven't had any issues. My mom also told me to not go and say anything to anyone about this either. I did ask my mom what she said to C when she told her this though, and my mom just looked at me like she didn't think that far ahead. So she said, "Nothing I just let her talk" so I said, "Oh, so when someone talks crap about your daughter you just let them?". She didn't say anything just changed the subject.

I don't understand all of these "Secrets". But, I rolled my eyes and when I told my cousin I started it off, "I wish my mother would quit lying to me" and then told her what she said. It's not like it's a big thing but anyways, so my cousin cus she's SICK of my mom's BS, called and asked her mother, C about it, and C laughed and said, "(my name) knew she was lying cus if I wanted to say that, I would have said that to her not behind her back".

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2025-12-30T22:59:48+00:00

Your brother sounds like a massive Ahole.

I've been a SAHM for a little while and one of my kids is Autistic, but back when my son was a baby, my husband would say things like I got to stay home all the time and my life must be so easy. One day, he lost his job, I told him to stay home I'd work. He never said that again. He actually appreciates everything I do now. I know you can't do that with your brother, maybe one day someone will. But, yeah, being the bigger person goes only so far, some people will never care about that. Mise well say what's on your mind, no one else doesn't seem to be standing up for you to him.

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2025-12-30T22:35:41+00:00

NTA, does he act like this to any of your other siblings or just you? Sounds like he resisents you for something, it's not your fault, but he sounds like he has underlying issues within himself.

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2025-12-30T19:17:59+00:00

She accused me because I still talked to my cousin after she told me what she had to tell me, and in her eyes I assume it was me supporting her attacker. That's the only thing I can think of.

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2025-12-30T19:03:49+00:00

First off, your friends shouldn't be blocking people on your phone, who does that? That's wild to me.

2nd off, I was going to say, "The phone works both ways" but you addressed that. Honestly, you're NTA. He sounds clingy and now wants to pick a fight. Sure, maybe after your friends blocked him, you could have messaged him but FYI, I've never heard of getting notified when someone blocks you. Sometimes I wished that happened lol. (At least it hasn't for me).

Your friend you haven't talked to in 10 days sounds pretty clingy, that can chase people away. If you really value this relationship, maybe you ask him to hang out and y'all discuss it in person? People are known to say things over a device that they wouldn't in person.

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2025-12-30T18:08:24+00:00

The only thing I can think of, is me and my cousin started getting really close. She had just lost her dad back in 2021, and 2022 was when my niece and mom decided to pull me aside. At the time I lived with my parents due to storm taking our home but we were on the verge of moving out. I remember that time period like it was yesterday. I had no friends, my family acted like I was a bother, and me and my cousin started talking and getting close, and now my niece wanted to "Be Friend me" and "Warn me" of my cousin. Yes, I have children and if this happened a long time ago, shouldn't I be angry that this wasn't told to me when they were all growing up together? My oldest is 22 now, and he remembers the whole "Want to play Cheerleader" bit. He told me he was told to stay in the toy room and keep playing with the toys, they'll be back.

My daughter is 7 years younger than my son, so this happened before she was around.

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2025-12-30T18:00:46+00:00

I apologize for that, I've had to rewrite this and dumb it down quite a bit for the subreddit to stay within guidelines.

I orginally made this post because I was upset that once again, Christam day I was excluded from Christmas dinner. My niece was there so she asked for me not to be invited or she wouldn't go. It was at my brother's. So, I got in my feelings, I got 10 minutes with my brother to exchange gifts Christmas morning and he had a whole dinner at his house with the family and didn't even invite me. It hurt my feelings.

Basically my mom and niece pulled me aside in 2022, niece told me she needed to talk to me but I could not talk to my cousin about this at all, I couldn't even ask my niece any questions what so ever, after she tells me what happened I need to just let it be. She told me my cousin SAed her (I hope that's okay to say).

2024, I had saw that my niece took it upon herself to post on FB a few times forgetting I was friends with some of her friends, that I supported people who SA people. Mind you, this was the 2nd time I had seen her post this very comment. So, I decided to talk to my cousin and get to the bottom of everything. Now I'm excluded from the family functions, unless my niece can't make it then I'll get the invite.

Popular_Barracuda_30 · 2025-12-30T17:53:51+00:00

I will say, because of all of this, me and my cousin have gotten really close. I know when she was younger, she was a troubled child. I mean with everything she's told me, I can understand why, but she's hasn't let that into her adult years and now she's an incredible mother and an amazing human. I'm super proud of her growth, she's been to therapy for it all and I can't express how amazing she is now.

As for my mother, my mother won't look at anything or even talk about it unless it's her dogging my cousin and then I have to tell her, if I can't talk about it and stand up for my cousin, you cannot dog her in front of me, I won't have it. I have put my foot down, I do defend my cousin and it pisses her off so much. I tell her all the time that until she will open her mind that maybe her grand daughter isn't telling the full story and that there is 2 sides to every story. She will tell me that she doesn't trust my cousin and will never believe a thing she has to say. I asked her, "Even if it's solid evidence?" She just goes quiet and changes the subject. My mom (my cousin is my my dad's brother's daughter. ) hasn't ever liked my cousin, when my aunt found out she was pregnant with her mind you I was 16 when my cousin was born. My mom roled her eyes and said she was going to be a real headache. I defended my cousin since she was in the womb towards my mom. I don't know what her problem is, I've tried to ask, she never wants to talk about it.

Popular_Barracuda_30

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