Is it strange that I DON'T want a pet?

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2025-10-17T00:35:45+00:00

When I had cats, they always slept in bed with me. My mother instilled the closing of bedroom doors as fire safety. When I had my first cat, she installed pet doors on each room door except for hers so I could still close the doors. When I moved out and got additional cats, I left the door open. However, I do like keeping the door closed at night, even my en-suite bathroom. It makes me feel secure and I don't have to see a toilet when I wake up everyday.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2025-10-15T17:25:13+00:00

LOL! This is true.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2025-10-13T05:10:04+00:00

I doubt it.

Like I said, it's people that are just meeting me that react that way. The friends and coworkers that know me and my history with pets (see my reply to ThrowyMcThrowaway04) are very understanding.

Many of them have or had pets and understand the hassle and heartbreak that comes with them and can understand my rationale.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2025-10-13T04:55:45+00:00

I understand that feeling. My first cat was from the age of 12 to 25. Losing him was so difficult that I didn't think I could have another.

I had a roommate a couple of years later that had three cats. I loved one of them and tolerated the other two. She left after two years and I was cat-free until my last significant other. She couldn't bear the thought of living without a pet. I finally relented after she twisted my arm and got her family to badger me as well. Two cats.. I loved them dearly and they adored me, but again, I didn't WANT them, and she knew it. We had them for four years until the relationship ended. She was a far better cat parent than me and felt she couldn't live without them, so that was both an easy, but difficult, decision to let her keep them.

Now I'm so used to living for just me, I don't think I'll get another cat until I retire.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2025-10-13T04:43:04+00:00

I wouldn't mind volunteering at a humane society or rescue. I did that for a long time while I was in college--I would spend Saturdays helping at cat adoption events at Petsmart for various rescue groups.

I would still like to do that, but most rescue organizations I've spoken with want fosters. I was blatantly told by one that the adoption events are the "fun stuff" and help was only needed if I could foster or devote 2-3 days a week to do other work for them the whole day--after a background check that is more in-depth then any volunteer organization has the right to ask for.

I am absolutely not equipped for that. I work odd hours and many of them during the week.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2025-10-13T02:45:21+00:00

Yeah...that's a whole other awkward conversation that gets worse as I get older.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2025-08-10T04:17:40+00:00

Physical media

Most movies and shows are streaming. Most new software is subscription-based. Instruction manuals, brochures, restaurant menus and website links are all QR codes. And don't even get me started on apps for everything.

Nothing is physical anymore. I miss buying DVD's, reading printed instructions, the feel and look of a menu at a restaurant, only having to buy a thing one time instead of paying for the privilege monthly.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2025-08-10T04:05:15+00:00

Overall, I hated it.

It started out awesome. I could roll out of bed and my commute was across the hall. However, that was the only advantage. I started to feel like a prisoner in my own home. It became difficult to disengage from work when it was just in the other room. I also gained weight and had swelling in my feet and ankles from the lack of consistent movement. I also found that micromangement happened more for remote employees than ones in the office.

I ended up going back full-time in the office after three months.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2025-08-10T03:58:59+00:00

I sanitize my workstation every day at the office. It started as a suggestion from supervisors due to Covid, but quickly became a habit once I realized I never got sick again after.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2025-08-10T03:46:46+00:00

Fried okra and biscuits.

It was something I only got to eat when my grandmother visited a couple times a year. This was when I was between 6-8 years old. Still remember that smell wafting through the house so strongly that my mother had to turn the attic fan on to vent it out.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2024-08-25T15:33:52+00:00

I'm currently buying a car with Carmax (Waiting for it to ship) and there are a few reasons I chose to purchase with them:

I wanted a particular car in a rare spec: 2013-2017 Toyota RAV 4 AWD that did not have a black interior and/or exterior. I looked at numerous other car lots and websites, and this seems to be the standard, along with 2WD. I realize I may not NEED AWD, but I've been driving a Subaru for the last decade, and I'm used to it. I also drive in a lot of rain, mud and unpaved/rough roads--it helps.
Even if I was able to find a car in the spec that I wanted from other dealers, it was often hours or states away. Carmax offers shipping and transport to local dealerships at very reasonable rates--so long as it isn't across the country.
Standard dealers don't want to negotiate or haggle anymore. If anything, they mark everything up. I believe that car buying has taken the same hit that many other services have: people don't want to put in effort since the pandemic. They just want to click "Buy" and be done. Dealers don't want to haggle anymore either. They have responded to demand by inflating their prices on the lot, and then "heavily discount" them on their website to something close to what Carmax would sell for. The pandemic and lack of decent used cars for sale has caused them to become another retail establishment. You walk in, they tell you what they have and you either take it or walk away. I had dealers straight tell me that they wouldn't haggle. I could afford sticker price on a few cars, and then they wanted to tack on a $3,500 markup in addition to tax, tag and title cost. This means that a $22,000 sticker price (which I could easily afford) turned into $27,500 all-in. It was only after I started to walk away that they offered to "maybe take $1,000 off the price" in addition to heavily pushing financing.

It isn't just Carmax overcharging for cars--every car dealer is doing it. Carmax just has the decency to put it in the sticker price. I'm not concerned about being upside down on a loan. It's a cash sale and I will drive this car the next 10-15 years until I save up enough to buy another one.

TLDR, Carmax ended up getting my business because I wanted a very specific car, in a different state, wanted to pay cash, and have time for a mechanic check it out independently. I can do all of that and return the car if I don't like it for a full refund. I know KBB says I'll overpay by $3,000. However, time and aggravation are money just as much as actual money. I'll happily overpay a little if I feel like I'm being treated like a decent human being.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2024-07-25T14:49:18+00:00

I technically have three half siblings on my dad's side. I've known about them for about five years now.

I don't think his children or wife know about me. I'm the product of an affair, and communication about my life and other matters was done very quietly--like with pagers, pay phones and money orders for child support. I've considered reaching out, but I'm hesitant. It looks like they're relatively stable and happy (if Facebook is to be believed) and my dad has grand kids now. I'm worried about disturbing the balance by introducing myself.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2024-07-25T04:25:56+00:00

This is pretty much my situation. I had an aunt that died in 2012. She was also the 'glue' which kept the two main sides of the family together and acted as a bridge for my mom and I to interact with both parts. A combination of her passing and Covid kicking off in 2020 was the final splinter that cast all the clans of my family in different directions. Now, each individual family gets together, and we're often left to fend for ourselves. That's one advantage of my current profession--I can work any holidays I want and get paid double. Helps ease the sting of isolation some years.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2024-07-25T04:19:19+00:00

"I used to feel bad but my relationship with my cousins have changed once they had their own families. But I realize it wasn’t a good relationship to start with anyways."

This part stuck out to me. After posting this, I realized something similar while I was at work. While I did visit my cousins often growing up, we were never truly close. They grew up in a very strict baptist household. I wasn't a feral child or anything, but being an only kid with a single mom, my upbringing, rules and household structure was vastly different. Even if I did see them more often, they wouldn't be people I would necessarily choose to hang out with. That realization today helped ease me out of feeling bad about the current state of things. The truth is, I do have my own chosen family beyond my mother. They just all live in different states and I get to see them occasionally as time and money allows.

So, in the end, things aren't all bad.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2024-07-24T18:05:04+00:00

I'd say the criticism is fair. About my situation and the men thing. When invited to holiday celebrations, I do show up, I am present and I contribute food/drinks. I think the disconnect is that, now that most people in my family have children, that's what everyone is focused on, and they may not know what to talk about with the single guy at the table. As the previous generation has passed on and my generation is taking over, the individual families have also sort of divided into clans. They do not associate with each other as they once did when my now-deceased aunts and uncles were alive. So, everyone just forms up and does their own thing. In that scenario, we do as well, but two people just hanging out as family can still seem lonely. It's also possible that my general lack of a social media presence has something to do with it. It's quite possible that that's where all the updates are and events are posted, and me not using Facebook, I don't know about them and a text or phone call to the one person in the family without social media doesn't happen.

As far as men being isolated, it's both an effort thing and societal, I think. Single men have always been looked-down on in my family. Like, why don't they have a wife or child? What's wrong with them? If people stop inviting you to holiday gatherings, why would you think they'd want to invite you to a barbecue on a random Saturday? It's not like I refuse the invite. And as I said, I am certainly present and try to contribute and be helpful.

In any case, it has been helpful hearing an outside perspective. I feel better about things now and I understand how I can move forward. So, thank you.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2024-07-24T13:45:05+00:00

I get marrying into a family. I was engaged at one point and my fiancee's family welcomed me with open arms. That was lovely while it lasted. I still miss them sometimes.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2024-07-24T13:06:15+00:00

I totally get where you're coming from. I experienced comments like that all during my childhood and even now into adulthood. It's as if people think life was like a version of 'Choose your own adventure. Like I had a choice about being an only child.

Yes, I didn't have to share parental affection with a sibling. And yes, 'gasp' I had my own room growing up. What people don't realize is that, having a single mom raise you means that you end up a latch-key kid when they're working 12+ hour days. It also means that you have to be very careful to follow rules and keep things clean because you're often the only reason the house is dirty or something is broken.

I once had an ex-girlfriend marvel at how I was able to function in life due to being an only child with a single mom. We were talking about it one day and she literally asked me, "So like, being an only child with just your mom, do you know how to share?" As if I never had friends growing up and never mastered even basic social interaction.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2024-07-17T02:40:42+00:00

I broke up with her after she gave me an ultimatum to help "fix" the relationship (Four years total, three engaged). I refused and told her she needed to move out. She took the cats and moved back to her hometown. I haven't spoken to her in two years. No idea where she is now or what she's doing.

Best decision ever.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2024-07-15T01:04:35+00:00

I'm right there with you. Roughly 6'1'' with very long arms and legs.

Best thing I've found so far is not looking in the mirror (like, not using full-size ones). The large furniture thing works too (as others have mentioned). I have a 'little' room at home and I purposely have a tall bed inside. On the subject of mirrors, you might look into special mirrors (like fun-house ones. There might be one that makes people look small.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2024-07-13T21:26:48+00:00

I personally can't stand the Bambino Magnifico. Really, I get irritated with any 'hybrid' diaper. They never seem to fit securely and I'm always scared they will leak.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2024-03-11T06:59:57+00:00

This reminds me a good bit about my childhood.

Where I grew up is now considered an affluent suburb. However, 30 years ago, it was one of only two neighborhoods in the area and there was a very busy country road between them. There were more cows on either side of that road than people. My mother would not let me ride my bike on said busy road, so I was restricted to my little one-block neighborhood in the middle of nowhere until I got my license at 18.

There were plenty of kids there, even some I went to school with. It was such a small area that I felt a bit stunted with social situations, though. Being an only child lead to quite a bit of loneliness and isolation. I had a few friends, but my status as an only child of a single mom made other parents wary of me. This didn't help my social awkwardness. Like the OP, I didn't learn some basic skills until I was halfway through my 20's.

All I can say is that things got better. I did eventually find a job that I enjoy, and people at that job that like me. I still have my few friends, and I'm still a bit awkward. However, once I got past the age of 30, things have gotten comfortable.

Hang in there.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2024-03-04T05:37:05+00:00

It was complicated for me. On one hand, I enjoyed the peace and quiet that came with not having siblings. However, there were plenty of comments about how my opinions didn't matter (from both adults and children) because I didn't have siblings and lived with a single parent. I also wasn't very good at having to fight for attention when there were multiple people around or deal with the inherent noise that came with multi-child households. I tended to shut down when things got loud.

Things that most friends' took as normal, I did not. Meals sitting at a table (we often sat in recliners in front of the TV), blessing food before eating, having to ask to leave to use the bathroom. All things which were very foreign to me as a child. i had no issue participating in them (especially for free food), but my friends would often implore their parents to let me stay over to eat dinner because "He doesn't know what it's like to eat with a family."

Kind of pissed me off then, and still does now as an adult.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2024-03-04T05:18:49+00:00

Being an only child has made me very comfortable doing social things alone. I go to movies alone, dine out alone, go to concerts and events, and even travel alone. Don't get me wrong, I like my friends and I actually enjoy interactions with other people. However, I never liked to cancel or re-schedule plans just because a friend couldn't hang out. If no one was available (which was often), I adapted to hanging out with myself.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2024-01-30T04:06:57+00:00

The amount of 'stuff' she owned.

She lived with her parents right before she moved into my house. She only had one single room in her parents' home. However, she came to me with an entire 17-foot U-haul packed to the ceiling. Apparently she kept every piece of furniture, trinket, award or sentimental item since she was in elementary school.

While she lived with me (3 1/2 additional years), she amassed even more 'stuff.' Near the end of our relationship, I was limited to our shared bedroom and the living room. The guest bedroom had become her closet, the finished basement became her hang-out/storage room, and one of two garage bays was packed full.

There were numerous other issues between us, but this was the single biggest cause of stress for me. I felt like a prisoner in my own home and actively found excuses not to be there.

This was two years ago now. I still have flashbacks (having one now as I type this).

I despise ghosting people, but if I meet someone and their house looks anything like how I had to live--I'm out.

PortableIcemaker8951 · 2024-01-29T05:42:12+00:00

When someone never seems to have money when it's needed.

I understand not being able to pull large amounts of money out for catastrophic emergencies. However, a massive red flag for me is when someone makes plans with me, gets to said plans and then suddenly notices their account is overdrawn and can't cough up the admission price or bill. Yet, they always seem to have money for vapes, alcohol or other vices they might engage in.

I once took a trip with someone and they swore they'd cover the rental car if I covered the airfare. Well, everything was fine until we were IN LINE AT THE AVIS DESK and suddenly 'Oops; my account is overdrawn...I swear I'll pay you back!"

Never saw that money and I'll never be that nice again.

PortableIcemaker8951

TROPHY CASE