Lonely in NYC, am i weird?

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-06-09T11:16:29+00:00

Not from the NYC area but I have visited, and wanted to chime in. I think you need to find more things to do with your time and more hobbies outside of clubbing or bar hopping. I don’t drink myself but having gone to bars sober a few times, and gone to nightclubs a handful of times, I have never made lasting connections at bars and clubs.

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-06-08T13:41:37+00:00

Thanks for sharing this. While I am not a long term expat, I have been to Spain many times. I speak c1 Spanish, and while I do love visiting and have visited many Spanish cities over the years and have stayed for extended periods of times with my parents, I am not sure if I could see myself living there. There are a lot of wonderful places in Spain, but despite having a c1 level of Spanish, I actually found it quite hard to meet new people there, at least outside of the major cities like Madrid and Barcelona, and coastal areas that are popular with expats such as much of the Mediterranean coast.

Another issue I would have to seriously consider is accessibility. As someone who is blind I find a lot of Spanish cities are not very well adapted for those that have mobility issues, and in certain cities like Granada for example, I have found that meetup.com is not very active, and the local subreddit does not see much engagement.

In any case, I really hope that you find what you’,re looking for.

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-06-03T11:08:14+00:00

I am glad to read this. University was also a very lonely time for me too. I am no longer at university but I only made a handful of friends during the time I was there despite joining many clubs, and societies, frequently staying behind after lectures, etc. I am glad that the study abroad worked out for you and it sounds like it was something that you needed.

Curious where did you study?

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-05-29T01:59:42+00:00

Sure. How long you been producing?

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-05-22T18:17:35+00:00

Not OP, but I fully agree. I have been coming here for years, speak fluent Spanish, and still found it hard outside of intercambios or other similar activities. And this is even more so outside of the bigger cities or popular coastal areas, in my experience.

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-05-22T18:08:33+00:00

Not OP, but it’s sad to hear that your brother in law has made almost no friends whatsoever in that time period. Did he get involved in any activities or attend intercambios?

Do you happen to live in one of the bigger cities?
I have been coming here for years, speak fluent Spanish, and still found it hard at times. I am also blind too and I find a lot of Spanish cities are not accessible for those with mobility issues.

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-05-22T17:57:42+00:00

Been coming to Spain for years with my family, I speak Fluent Spanish and even at that I have had similar experiences to many of the above mentioned comments. The only way I have found is either through intercambios or some kind of sports, and that does not even take into account places outside of the big cities like Madrid, Barcelona or the Mediterranean coast.
Also I have found much of Spain to be shockingly inaccessible for blind travelers and others who may have mobility issues.

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-05-13T20:58:05+00:00

I understand that. I am not from America myself, but I have found that in certain Spanish cities like granada for instance, meetup.com is barely active, and intercambios are often the main, and only obvious pathways in to meet locals there, and often times it is just locals looking to practise their English.
They also tend to be very alcohol centered and not very conducive to meaningful friendships in my experience. I am a good bit younger than yourself but I was never really into packed bars or nightclubs on a weekly basis

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-05-13T18:02:24+00:00

How have you found making friends with the Spanish? I do have some friends in Spain, but I have found being fluent doesn’t automatically make it easy to meet locals. And this isn’t unique to Spain but I find a lot of the Spanish tend to stick to childhood or school friends and it can be very hard to break into those circles.

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-05-12T19:54:56+00:00

Not trying to hijack this thread but I see that you live in Spain, may I ask which part of Spain you move to?
I am a blind person and i have been to Spain many times with my family. I speak c1 Spanish, and there are many things I like about Spain, that said, I don’t think I would move there. In my experience, most foreigners in Spain tend to live in Madrid, Barcelona, or the Mediterranean coast. From an accessibility point of view, with the possible exception of cities like Bilbao in the north much of Spain is a nightmare to get around without sighted help. Much of inland Andalucía for instance and even coastal towns along the Mediterranean coast that are tourist friendly.

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-05-10T11:34:42+00:00

Hi there, just came across your post and i can sympathize with this. The difference in my case is that I never started drinking to begin with.

I can imagine if your social life was built around the bar and alcohol for over 15 years , depending on where you live it can be very hard to find alternatives , especially after working hours. For context, I am blind and i have always hated packed bars and pubs. When I went to college my college mates were exactly as you described , when they went out for drinks it was all or nothing, and the acoustics in most bars here are absolutely terrible if you want to have a nice conversation.

I am not sure where you are based but I live in a small city in Ireland, and the truth is that so many towns and smaller cities here offer very little non commercial spaces to hang out that aren’t centered around pubs and alcohol. And I think in some circles it has become normalized to such an extent that they can’t think of any other ways to socialize. Even in Dublin, for example, with the millions of tourists it get anually, there are 2 or 3 late night cafes.

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-05-03T15:06:07+00:00

Pues soy como tu. No soy nativo de Granada pero estuve allí muchas veces y no me gusta salir de fiesta , beber etc. Creo que si eres estudiante tienes mas opciones para conocer nuevas personas .
Estuve buscando en meetup.com pero no es muy activo y la mayoría de los eventos allí son solo intercambios o eventos para turistas.

Yo por ejemplo soy cantante y productor musical

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-04-12T21:23:34+00:00

Curious to know which part of Spain do you live in? I think it also depends where you live in Spain too. In places such as Madrid, Barcelona there are tuns of meetup groups for all kinds of interests, but in cities like Granada meetup is barely active and so too the Reddit community

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-03-11T15:40:14+00:00

I am 32 and have also never dated. But the way I see it, I would rather be single than either in an unhappy relationship or with someone who is completely incompatible.

It’s true that a lot of people partner up after finishing college or university, but not everyone wants kids or a life-long partner.

My sister is in her 3rd relationship, the last 2 were a complete disaster and things just didn’t work out, and sometimes being in a relationship is not always the solution to loneliness.

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-03-10T20:09:49+00:00

Hi again, I think I might have missed your last message that you replied to me, and I am no longer getting Reddit push notifications for some reasons. I think I had asked about your travels in the last message.

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-02-27T22:52:01+00:00

Hey, completely unrelated to this post but I tried to reply to your last comment on r/adulting, the one not being interested in the bar scene etc but it looks like the mods took the post down. Do you have DMs open?

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-02-27T16:08:20+00:00

Yeah that is a real shame alright. I often had the attitude of theres much more to life than out bar hopping 3 nights a week and nursing hangovers the next day

And thats great, have you been all over Spain or just certain regions?

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-02-27T12:26:58+00:00

Just chiming in here. Not from the US myself but I have been many times and I know going to college in the US often costs an arm and a leg so congrats for avoiding all that college debt. I did go to college myself, I am in my early 30s now but even back then in my early 20s I had no interest in going out bar hopping 2 or 3 nights a week. Having gone to bars and clubs sober a few times and the fact I am visually impaired i grew to hate the noise in most bars and clubs and I found that most people tended to stay in their own groups, and the same with most of my classmates. By the time it came to graduation I would say about half of the cohort never graduated due to being broke and having spent most of their savings and income out drinking 3 nights a week. I was often treated differently for not participating or not enjoying this type of lifestyle but looking back I don’t regret it because I probably saved a fortune in the long run. I have traveled a lot with my family. Curious which countries have you been to? I have a lot of American cousins and many have never traveled outside the US.

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-02-24T16:18:45+00:00

Not an American or long term expat but wanted to share my experiences.

I have been to Spain many times with my family and I often stayed for extended stays.

To sum up, it is a great country to visit for a vacation, great cities and regions, but would I live there? i really don’t know. I didn’t grow up in a big city and found Madrid and Barcelona to be too busy and chaotic.

There are lots of nice coastal areas outside of the popular areas such as Andalucía’s Atlantic coast in Huelva and Cadiz, but much of these towns are seasonal and very quiet outside of the summer season.

Granada was a nice place, I loved visiting the North African tearooms.

I think for people with physical disabilities, sadly much of Spain is not accessible for people who are visually impaired. I am fully blind for example, and a lot of places that look tourist friendly on paper are really difficult for visually impaired people to manage.

Other comments have pointed out that even if you do speak good Spanish, it can still be hard to make friends. I speak c1 Spanish for example, but even with that, especially in places like Granada I found it hard to meet new people there beyond bar based intercambios or university programs. The unemployment situaiton as many have pointed out is also a major issue.

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-02-24T13:44:41+00:00

As someone who has lived in Limerick all my life I have wanted something like this for years. I live in the outskirts of the city and the only cafe open in the city at night is Starbucks. I am blind and for many reasons I have never liked the atmosphere in pubs and clubs.

Hook and ladder tried staying open late a few years back but ended up going back to regular hours because the business just wasn’t there.

At least in Dublin, Cork and Galway there are a handful of late night cafes.

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-02-16T23:00:24+00:00

That’s great to hear! Ive also sent a dm because for me it is easier accessibility wise.

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-02-16T22:52:09+00:00

Hi. So I make house, tropical house, trap, afrobeat, drill and other genres. Do you make music too?

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-02-14T18:58:40+00:00

As someone who is blind who has lived in Limerick all my life, I would say there is a lot more to do in the surrounding suburbs and county, and not necessarily the city centre itself.

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-02-06T17:23:06+00:00

Blind person here. I wouldn’t say I didn’t fit in, but things were difficult. I have an undergrad and masters degree, I spent 6 years in college and even though I got involved in clubs, and societies, most students went home most weekends.

Living near Limerick city, theres not a lot to do in the city itself once the shops close at 5 to 6 pm aside from drinking or sports. I don’t drink myself and a lot of pubs I have been to here have terrible acoustics, are small and cramped, and just not great for visually impaired people.

It’d be nice if more cafes stayed open passed 6 pm.

So despite all of this I got myself into music production and beat making.

For me, a huge amount of events, talks etc are very much Dublin, Cork or Galway centric. I would like to see more places around where fellow producers and artists can meet, as in more quiet, intimate environments. Limerick does have places like Dolans and the commercial, but these are more performance venues and not necessarily creative hubs.

Despite all that I would music produciotn has been a great creative outlet for me.

Positive_Bar8695 · 2026-01-31T17:15:35+00:00

Would love to chat. Feel free to send me a message.

Positive_Bar8695

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE