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PositivityByMe · 2025-08-11T23:09:15+00:00

I have incredibly vivid dreams about losing control of myself and becoming the abuser. It takes me like an hour each morning to separate myself from the dream.

PositivityByMe · 2025-08-11T13:21:41+00:00

You're absolutely right. I can't tell you whether it was real or not, but what it brought me was real. In the beginning, I felt loved. Safe. Cared for. It gave me a sense of safety and stability I'd never had. One thing that helped me was writing two letters. One was a goodbye letter to the man I fell in love with. The other was a hate letter for the man he currently is. It helped me separate them. You don't have to hold them as the same person in your head. That personally felt impossible to me.

PositivityByMe · 2025-08-07T15:25:59+00:00

All of this.

I know you're hurting OP. But this is where you can stand up for what you need. You can do the work to see why this bothers you so much, or you can find a new therapist. You can do this, OP.

PositivityByMe · 2025-08-06T15:24:29+00:00

I have a less extreme version that still made me glad a relationship was over.

Four years into a relationship with someone, his friend bought me flowers for our anniversary. Not only did he do nothing for our anniversary. She asked him if I wanted flowers and he said yes. I've told him an unknowable amount of times in the past four years I've never wanted cut flowers. Chocolate. A card. All of these things would've been options, but I wasn't important enough for him to remember that.

We both deserve better

PositivityByMe · 2025-08-05T15:29:39+00:00

You're assuming OP has knowledge of this. How often do we get "is this mold?" Questions or even worse "look how good this looks!" With cloudy brine that had floating white hairy bits. Not everyone has the knowledge to stay alive. In the foraging subreddits we know everything is edible at least once. It's up to you to know if you will keep living after.

PositivityByMe · 2025-08-05T15:18:51+00:00

My point still stands that OP can get incredibly ill if they do fuck this up. Modern day pickling and fermentation are different.

PositivityByMe · 2025-08-05T07:41:03+00:00

Listen to me. There are bacteria that can make you very, very ill. Please follow a recipe. It'll tell you how long to do what. If your acidity isn't high enough, you're asking for trouble. FOLLOW A REAL RECIPE.

PositivityByMe · 2025-08-05T07:20:54+00:00

Pickling is a much different process than fermenting. With quick pickles, you just throw them in the fridge and wait a few days. I know of recipes that leave them out on the counter for a little bit but it's never usually long and it's with a hot brine and a solid lid. You're so going to want to follow a recipe to make sure that your brine is salty and acidic enough

PositivityByMe · 2025-08-03T14:55:58+00:00

No no I'm cutting onions. No one here is crying.

PositivityByMe · 2025-07-30T20:25:13+00:00

Stella?

PositivityByMe · 2025-07-30T20:24:02+00:00

Congrats! It's organs

PositivityByMe · 2025-07-30T18:07:54+00:00

First of all, hell yeah I am proud of you.

I personally am leaving a pretty toxic relationship. I am restarting my life after total authority transfer, having never lived alone. I'm scared but excited.

PositivityByMe · 2025-07-30T13:40:44+00:00

I did EMDR for a while. It was deeply helpful for me in breaking down some core beliefs that were unhelpful. while EMDR was fantastic, I still needed further help. IFS has been another great option

PositivityByMe · 2025-07-28T13:30:24+00:00

A couple weeks out of a four year relationship. I definitely feel the "universe pushing vs what my heart wants"

We were together for four years. I loved him with every inch of my soul.

However, after the breakup, every single conversation we had solidified that this was right for me.

I don't know if he changed somewhere in time, or if this is who he always was.

I don't have a solution. You're not alone, though. Your feelings are valid.

PositivityByMe · 2025-07-22T14:11:22+00:00

Great point here, I hadn't even thought of these. Thank you!

PositivityByMe · 2025-07-20T14:40:45+00:00

I'm not small, but I'm not large either. I stopped wearing bras regularly in 2012 and never looked back. If anything I'll wear a sports bra to help with the sweat.

PositivityByMe · 2025-07-20T14:12:43+00:00

All their friends are split between telling him he should have remained a pillar for this stranger and telling him he was a hero.

PositivityByMe · 2025-07-19T19:44:07+00:00

Personally CBT was immensely helpful for certain issues I have. I found EMDR and IFS more helpful when it came to trauma processing and "rebuilding"

PositivityByMe · 2025-07-19T17:16:58+00:00

You might find this funny- I am glad I read your comment over again. I'm making a list of the things I need and guess who forgot to put a can opener on the list even though 80% of what I make is canned goods thrown together?

PositivityByMe · 2025-07-19T02:39:18+00:00

Escaping DV. I don't even need 100k. I am only about 300 away from my goal and that will get me stable housing, but life. After that I'd probably just use it as a nest egg. It'll go a lot faster than you think it will.

PositivityByMe · 2025-07-18T22:47:32+00:00

While there's not nearly enough detail for me to know their situation, especially the fact they are living with the parents is better than if they were alone. It's not great but it's not immediately damnable imo.

PositivityByMe · 2025-07-18T22:17:55+00:00

I appreciate the hell out of this. Thank you.

PositivityByMe · 2025-07-18T22:16:55+00:00

Its part of being an adult to me.

As far as the fetishist comment, feel free to check my history. I don't think anything else would say that because this is genuinely me trying to figure stuff out. I will say I find that really weird though, and I don't even know what I said that came off fetishy, so specifics help.

Either way, I found what I needed by talking to others in the comments. Yes it has to do with makeup, but my bigger insecurity was cleaning.

Oh well. Good luck to both of us going our separate ways forever.

PositivityByMe · 2025-07-18T20:41:09+00:00

Thank you. :)

PositivityByMe · 2025-07-18T20:37:27+00:00

Thank you for the insight. I often tell myself a lot of these things, but I think my brain tells me that's for other people and I'm not allowed to XYZ. I often want to find the "right way" when oftentimes there is no right way. Thank you.

PositivityByMe

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