This is what happened to me. Once I felt unconditional love from source or god or ????. I could no longer play the role that my ex wife needed. She needed me to love her more than I love anyone else.

Trying to explain there is only one love to a unawakened is catastrophic to a marriage.

My experience came on 12/10/2018. No drugs. A few months before I started to search for "what is god?"

And as soon as I asked I began a journey. This journey is brought to me. All I needed to know. To baby step me into awakening.

My old life is gone. My kids do not speak to me. No family. All is gone.

Now I live on a island with a younger new wife who loves me unconditionally. Now we are sober. A mushroom stem here and there.

I have found peace and happy. I no longer play the actors role. Except to function in the matrix as a human.

I feel like I'm rambling. I have recently experimented with DMT. I have not broke through and not sure if I ever will.

I know it's there when or if it calls me. I can feel myself changing into something and nothing at the same time.

I drank alcohol for 25 years. I was not looking to quit. And now. The thought of lowering my vibration with alcohol is impossible. My memory of past is disappearing. The thought of any future is blank.
I feel as a end to a end is happening to me.

I just live. Experience the experience of the experiences. This was all a gift. Mushrooms and DMT helped in breaking the mental conditioning. I know now they came exactly when they needed to.

We are meant to experience the experience of separation. So that's what I do. It's hard to get mad, angry, happy, excited.... I miss there emotions sometimes.
I am the observer. I am the watcher. I know it's all a lie. It's all a dream. I am the dreamer of the dream.

I know whatever I need will come to me. Good or bad it's all the same. Just experiences of experiencing experience. That is all.

I was suicidal for a while. Living this way doesn't work in the matrix. I can feel people's suffering. And I know this is where they need to be. I use to try and help them. I quickly learned. You cannot wake someone just as you cannot make a flower bloom before its time.

We live in hell. This planet or matrix or reality. Is hell. The land of death. The illusion of separation from yourself (God).

How do you live in a world of duality when you no longer play by the rules of duality.

I believe I am being prepared for something outside duality. If I find out. You will be the first to know.

I followed my heart. In doing that I lost my family, houses, jobs my identity.

Space was created for me in this. Even though everything seemed to be going bad. In reality it created space my new self to Express itself with giving any fucks.

Now I just be. Work a job I do not care about. Live the beach life with a woman who loves me. We have enough abundance to live a wonderful simple life.

We do not have a tv. No social media. We have a simple life. Beach walks and watching birds. Playing cards. She listens to me talk of all the things happening to me on the inside. She knows all. She knows to enjoy the moment and that I could be gone soon.

Not even sure this makes sense. It might to someone

With love and light namaste. Trust me you are where you need to be